Where to find Jesus' Face

As I lay in bed this morning slowly waking up with various worries and relationships beginning to run through my mind, I started turning them over to God and asking Him questions as I often do early in the day. Memories from last night's mens group, my transmission that I very well might have damaged trying to drag 2 tons of manure in a trailer into my garden with my van, the challenge of preparing my heart and mind for the upcoming Blessing event, how to get my heart to open more toward my wife and kids.... The transmission problem (not the one currently being installed in my daughter's car) really began to weigh me down with familiar feelings of panic. After being suckered into self-deprecation and false feelings of guilt for awhile, I finally remembered that God was not taken by surprise by this development nor is He upset with me as my feelings (or false gods) may suggest. But to have any peace I will need to come into His presence with my problem and stay there long enough to let it go and trust Him with it. I reminded Him immediately that He has indicated that nothing that in any way disturbs my peace is too small for Him to notice, and this definitely affects my peace. I began praying for heaven's perspective on this issue and for help to pry my mental fingers off this problem so He could take ownership of it. I also began praying for the eyes of heaven to see differently each person that was coming through my consciousness. I began rehearsing my usual petitions - to show me His face and to cause me to die to self and be crucified with Christ. I try to understand a little better what that means for me each time I pray it so it does not slip into another habit of mindless repetitions. When I sincerely asked God to come and live in my heart today, I suddenly was surprised by a revelation into my heart that fully woke me up and got me excited. We have been instructed to seek God's face - that is His desire for us. I have also been learning the importance of living from the heart and have been making baby steps into that experience over the past few years. But the two ideas suddenly met each other in a way I had not seen before. If I ask Jesus to live in my heart and He takes me up on the offer, then maybe I need to learn to see my heart more clearly if I want to see His face better. For if indeed He is living there, then it only makes sense that I might very well be able to see His face there, or at least a portion of His face that is uniquely shaped to reveal and energize my true identity. As I pondered this insight I also realized that the more I learn to honestly live from my heart and recognize His face there, the more capacity I will develop to perceive and see into other people's hearts. And if the face of God is only seen through the pinhole of our hearts uniquely synchronized to satisfy our deepest longings and desires, then the more I look at other people's hearts along with my own the broader and bigger will become the outline of His face. It sort of resonates with the old Indian story of the blind men and the elephant who all could only perceive and report "truth" from their very limited yet somewhat accurate perspective. None of them were completely wrong, but to know the real truth about the elephant they had to be willing to think beyond their narrow field of input. This truth reinforced my need to continue to learn to live in and from my heart even more. And as I increase my hear-awareness and capacity, the result will be an ever-increasing ability to observe, connect and care for others hearts as my picture of God continues to expand. The gifts to the church in 1 Corinthians are really like pixels on a giant screen that when seen together dynamically reveal the movie picture of God in action and a little bit of His immense passion. Then God reminded me what happened yesterday with my van when it wouldn't start (again) in the parking lot at the Post Office. I had crawled underneath to tap on the starter which had always worked before but not this time. I then solicited a passerby to try to start it while I lay underneath beating on it but to no avail. As I noticed my frustration began to rise I began praying and wondering what God might have in this experience that I would later look back on and appreciate. So I decided not to get worked up about it so I wouldn't have all that unnecessary fretting to feel ashamed of later. I called a friend and he suggested trying to jump straight from the battery to the starter. I had already checked the batter connections and had even tried to jump the relay but with no results. So I crawled back under the van with a paper towel to clean off the starter connections and see what my options were. As I wiped off the starter wires I noticed with some concern that there was an unusual amount of fluid clinging to the bottom of the oil pan and transmission. I wasn't sure where it was coming from, but I carefully looked it over for a minute storing it in my memory for further analysis. Then I also noticed that a small wire had come loose while I was wiping off the starter. When I tried to re-attach it, it was still very loose. At that point I realized that I might have discovered the root problem of the starter occasionally failing, though I was not yet sure. i retrieved some pliers from inside the van and slid back under to tighten up the spade connecter so it would grip better and the reconnected it. Sure enough, when I tried to start the engine this time I was successful. I then had to resist the urge to get upset over the fact that I had paid to have a new starter installed about a year ago for this very same symptom and had still experienced the same problem shortly afterward. So why did the Lord remind me of this incident this morning? I began to accept that, though indeed I may have damaged my transmission trying to haul fertilizer into my harden, God was not holding that over my head like I am used to doing to feeling. Instead, He had used the ploy of getting my under my van to fix my starter to alert me that I needed to be aware of a potential leak before even more damage might occur like what happened with my daughter's car that we now have to majorly repair. For God, transmission problems - which really triggers fears about lack of money in my natural heart - are not a problem at all like I am used to feeling. I need to see this through the eyes of heaven instead of the eyes of fear. I must trust Him with all of my problems, all of my finances, all of my relationships. When I step over into living in true reality I will be empowered to experience "trials" and difficulties as really being exciting opportunities for god to further reveal Himself to me. "Brethren, count it all joy when....." Jesus, show me Your face, both inside my heart and in the hearts of those around me - and very soon face to face without any distorting barriers between us.

The Rest of the Day's Story

Just after I finished writing the first post this morning, I opened my Bible to Romans 8 where I have been camped out for awhile. A new thought raced across my mind and I decided to try something that I seldom do and don't usually enjoy when others try to get groups of people to do in a meeting. As I looked at the various verses in the last half of the chapter I began to read them while inserting my name into each place where it could fit. the effect on me was immediate, surprising and overwhelming as I read "what shall we say to these things? If God is for Floyd, who is against him? God who did not spare His own Son, Jesus, but delivered Him over for Floyd, how will He not also with Jesus freely give Floyd all things? Whe will bring a charge against God's elect - Floyd? God is the one who justifies Floyd!" At this point I was in tears as the reality of God's word began to have a deeper affect on my heart than it has before. I moved back up to verse 26 and started over putting my name in at every opportunity. This is perfectly legitimate, accurate and even necessary if we are to make the Word of God come alive in our hearts. In addition I began to read it out loud so that my own ears could hear the words and register them even deeper. Suddenly I heard my daughter returning to the house unexpectedly. She had just left for school and we knew there were problems with her car (the second one) overheating from the night before. I quickly wiped away my tears and she exploded into the room in frustration with everything that seemed to be going wrong. It was snowing heavy in the middle of April (not welcome at this time of year), we were already having to replace the transmission on her other car (for the second time in as many weeks) and now this car was severely overheating just a mile from home and she was now late for school. Would I please take her to school? We got into my van and as we made the half hour trip to school she continued to vent. I began to realize one important reason God had sent His presence to me so strong this morning and so early - He knew what was coming and that I needed His Spirit inside me. I kept reminding myself of the things my heart had just experienced and chose to continue to hang on to that reality instead of reacting with irritation at being dumped on by seemingly pointless anger that would do nothing to fix a car. I could begin to see that this day was not going to be average and I began to plan what had to be done. My daughter needed transportation at least four times during the day at a considerable distance from where we are living. I solicited the help of two of my nieces to run shuttles for her while I limped the car through the cold and snow to the mechanic in the next town to get a new water pump. Later in the day the mechanic called to inform me that we had a lot bigger problem than a bad water pump - the head gasket was now blown and the car may not be worth fixing at 21 years old. It also needs new front wheel bearings and new struts as well. So I asked him to speed up the installation of the transmission on the other car which was already waiting at his shop for repair. Again I was tempted to give in to frustration and questions about why all this is happening to us seemingly designed to siphon off all our income. But God has been talking a lot to me over the past months and years and keeps reminding me that I need to mature past that kind of pointless and harmful thinking. I remember that I am in relationship with One who has promised and committed Himself to taking care of me. What He wants is for me to trust Him enough when the pressure is on that others can notice a difference in my attitude and my refusal to live in fear. I want to be more like the simple birds who trust their Maker so implicitly that they can sing praises to Him all day long and simply gather the food He provides for them without worry. "Are you not worth more than many sparrows?"