Reflection Rest

A mountain lake reflects and amplifies the stunning beauty of the sun shining on the mountains high above it. But it is only possible to the extent that the lake is at rest.

Yeast Infection

I have a bad systemic yeast infection that is impossible to shake off by my own efforts. It is the yeast infection that plagued the Pharisees, the pervasive infection of criticism and fault-finding. Nearly everyone in the church whether local or global is seen in a negative view. The infection has definitely affected my eyes and I desperately need eye salve. It has affected my system so bad I have serious heart trouble and don't even realize it very much. It makes my hands and feet sore so I don't want to be helpful and considerate to those around me. It permeates my reproductive organs to neutralize my ability to produce other disciples who have a passion for God.

I need strong medication, maybe heavy doses of gratitude and extended praise, not only for God but for everyone around me. I need to be extremely wary of intercourse with others who are heavily infected because I am very vulnerable to have a relapse and reinfection. I need strong and supernatural antibiotic and extended treatment program. I don't know how to go about it but I know there is only one Doctor who can heal me.

God, please continue what you started in me for your glory.

Sleeping Pain

I just read about Jesus' closest friends sleeping while Jesus needed them the most to pray for Him in the garden. Undeniably they hurt His feelings far deeper than the rough treatment of the Romans who acted mostly in ignorance. We fault the disciples for sleeping instead of praying and resisting the urge to doze. But I am the same way. And if so, I must have a similar effect on His heart and emotions if He considers me a close friend.

I often feel like dozing off to avoid painful situations or to grapple with difficult spiritual growth. It's easier for most of us to sleep a little longer than to struggle out of bed in response to God's quiet call to seek His face early before the distractions of the day overtake and consume our attention.

The ones closest to Him had the ability to inflict the most pain to His heart with what, on the surface, would appear to be the most non-violent means. He begged them repeatedly to watch and pray. I don't understand very well all the implications of those words but I believe He wants me to. It has something to do with coming into sympathy with His feelings and His perspective. It must be a means by which I can contribute to His joy and enter into a deeper understanding of His heart and emotions. Is this the “sufferings of Christ” that Paul referred to that he was filling up? (Col. 1:24) Is this suffering being misunderstood, abandoned, let down by His most trusted friends?

When I indulge in a critical spirit of others am I sleeping spiritually? Am I sleeping with the enemy? What does “watch” mean? Watch Jesus suffer in my place?

Spirit in Disagreeing

This understanding is still embryonic and not yet clear to me, but is emerging. My critical spirit is couched in a spirit of contention. Whenever I hear people teaching things I disagree with I feel combative and self-righteous. I feel a little proud that I have more “light” than they. If I detect a spirit of spiritual arrogance on their part I feel resentful and condemning. I feel that to not take this stance is to join them in their errors. This sounds way too much like the way my Dad treated people who differed with him. I need a now role model and mentor.

I need to see what it looks like to not agree with another's belief system and theology but still genuinely care for and love that person unconditionally. I know intellectually that God does that for all of us but I need to see it worked out in real-life situations in front of me. I need a new frame of reference.

I have to concede that God is using many, if not all of these people that I have issues with, to further His purposes. However, does that mean I have to join them in their twisted views of God to be used by Him? Does being used by God justify and validate the message delivered by an individual? I don't think so. God uses His opposers to prophecy for Him like Caiphas and many of His faithful spokesmen sometimes gave very wrong representations of Him. Moses was undeniably God's spokesman but made a tragic error in how he represented God to his people when he struck the rock in anger.

My Utmost – today's reading. “He will do with you what He is not doing with other people. Let Him have His way.” If I allow God to cultivate a certain understanding, a message, a perspective that He plans to share through me that differs from what others are presenting, I must not judge their integrity by the immaturity of their message. If I judge and criticize them and indulge in a spirit of dissension and contention I become judge of their private relationship to God and invite the same judgments to be leveled at me. That is a very low blow that cannot be defended against and I do not want to play that cruel game.

God, deliver me and cleanse me from EVERY root of bitterness against others while I allow You to incubate a unique message in me. Deliver me from my inherited and cultivated penchant for criticism and pride. Show me your ways and your face continually – for your reputation is on the line in this thing.

Compass Needle

My heart is like a compass-needle. It does no good to forcibly orient it to the “right” direction and lock it there, because as the compass body moved the needle would no longer be freely pointing toward magnetic north (“truth”) but toward the same spot on the compass perimeter. The needle must be always allowed to be free if it is to eventually find and point toward its true goal.

This is like religious rules and church-oriented religion. Church could be a protected environment where hearts have freedom to bounce around and swing back and forth while they tune in closer and closer to the true mother-lode far outside the church. But to lock down the needle and try to dictate what direction it must point prematurely destroys the needles capacity to adapt to changing circumstances and experiences. Legalism locks hearts. The Son sets us free to seek His face.

Then there's the other problem. If we stay in too close proximity to other magnetic attractions, our needle will be drawn to sway from its right direction and will give false headings for guiding our decisions. They will appear true and will feel fulfilling temporarily, but they are deceptive and will damage our progress and growth. They appear to be stronger that the mother-lode magnet but are actually very weak impostors by direct comparison. Their influence over us is based primarily on their close proximity and not on their correctness of position. They cause our needle to swing wildly about at times and give erratic readings and our only solution is to distance ourselves from them far enough for us to again sense the still, silent but immense, quiet tug of the true lover of our soul.

Men who are as true to duty as the needle to the pose must not be dogmatic and arbitrary. They have to be very sensitive and seek God's face continually. They must maintain a safe distance from distracting magnetic attractions so they can keep their hearts free to love and worship the One True God. They will live in community that can give them context and protection but that will also respect, encourage and maintain the free pivot point from which their heart can seek God in their uniqueness.