You are because I AM

When God called Moses in the bush, Moses basically said, “I don't know who I am.” His whole identity and value was now very much in doubt. He used to be very confident and sure of himself, but his value was derived from his position and accomplishments. He was adopted into the royal family of Egypt. He was heir to the throne by law. He was a champion leader who had many military victories to his name. He was capable, efficient, savy, good-looking and proud of himself. He also realized his unique calling to deliver his biological relatives from bondage and likely spent time arranging all the various pieces and advantages of his life into various scenarios as to how this would happen. (We do the same thing with our end-time novels.)

Moses was sure he knew who he was and had some terrific and glorious plans for accomplishing great things for God and for his own people. He was excited and eager to take on the challenge and just knew he was the man blessed with all the right talents and resources. He knew he was called of God and what his destiny was. But he may have been baffled that God didn't seem to be initiating anything as things got worse and worse for the slaves, his own relatives. He may have felt that the opportune time was about to pass unused. His own power and advantages were starting to wane and be threatened by intrigue and politics. Jealous power struggles threatened to soon expose his real identity and jeopardize his assumed identity that had been carefully manicured for decades. If he was exposed as being adopted and his roots linked to the slave people his own life as well as the life of his princess mother might be at stake. The pressure was mounting and the stress was becoming enormous.

Then the very nightmare he feared most happened and even worse, because he inadvertently precipitated it himself. In trying to be the hero he was taught to be and combine it with concern for God's chosen people, his whole carefully constructed and well-groomed identity and all his plans collapsed in shame and disgrace. He was forced to run for his life like an escaping slave instead of a brave warrior.

His real fears and insecurity and immaturity burst out into the open and reality hit him unexpectedly changing his life forever. He stumbled into the wilderness confused, angry, ashamed, fearful and very seriously doubting God's intentions to use him and maybe even God's abilities. He was swallowed in darkness and hopeless despair. Sadness for his family, both biological and adopted, wrapped him like a soggy blanket. Pangs of fear for their safety and regrets for his fault in putting them in danger repeatedly shot through him as his mind raced to make sense out of all this chaos. He became deeply disgusted with himself, with the politically corrupt power system that crushed people's lives without any concern and had now ruined his forever. Where was God in all this? Why didn't He intervene if He was so loving and powerful?

Jethro and his family quietly and patiently molded and trained him into the ways of true reality. They could see him with the eyes of heaven past his cultured and damaged exterior. They cooperated with God in teaching him and training both his mind and his heart to value what is really important and become free from the artificialness of the world's system and its measurements of value.

When God appeared to call Moses to start work forty years later he had completely given up all plans of his own. He had fully embraced a humble shepherd's life and assumed he had permanently sabotaged any plans God may have previously had for him. He now no longer had any of the necessary advantages and leverage of power that he felt was needed to accomplish deliverance. He believed God would move to plan B and find someone else better positioned to bring about His plans.

So when God surprised him by instructing him to move ahead with delivering his people, Moses immediately reminded God of all the above. “you must have dialed the wrong number. I'm no longer the man equipped and positioned strategically for the job. I don't even know who I am anymore.”

God came back with what is most important. “I AM. Your identity is received by connection to I AM which is all of your value. You are the one called and empowered and valued by the One who is the source of all value and identity. You are because I AM.”

Assumed Identity

In childhood we learn to treat ourselves the way other people treat us. Our assumed identity is created by the people in charge of our lives. The rest of our life, especially in adulthood, we present an atmosphere that induces people to treat us the way we treat ourselves.

Control

The body of Christ will only function normally when all of its parts release all control to the head and its communication network. That is how the glory will be displayed. Each individual will be “out of control” so that they can be under the full influence of the control of the Holy Spirit.

To the extent that we insist on maintaining control over ourselves we unfit ourselves for synchronization in the body and usefulness for His glory. When we keep control of our lives and destiny we become indirectly controlled via the sarx by demonic influence to a greater or lesser extent. Or we may think we surrender control to another authority. Any authority other than the real Creator will eventually end us up back under the original source and head of that entity which will trace back to Satan.

To entice people to surrender control to Christ, one must first become enamored and captivated by the beauty, attractiveness and fulfillment that is experienced in realizing and participating in our original design. To have the proper motivation, the attraction must overwhelm the objections. This will free us to operate from love rather than selfish fear which still tries to maintain some level of control. True love allows us to abandon ourselves recklessly into trust in God's absolute care for us regardless of the appearance of our circumstances.

This is the filter that transforms all the “perfection” statements from legalistic demands to urgent appeals to not procrastinate releasing control so we won't miss out on sharing His glory when He is revealed.

When I don't forgive someone I make them in my life to be a god who can control me. So when Jesus said to leave your gift at the altar and go be reconciled with someone who has something against you, He is saying I must do everything I can to remove myself as a god in their heart and soul.

Acknowledging Feelings

It looks like I will be on the road again for awhile. I plan to work on my daughter's house and a friend's house that have been on hold for about 3 years. After that my sister is still anxious for me to finish the job I started on her house the beginning of summer. All this will involve a lot of traveling. This is not necessarily good for increasing my communication abilities but I will work on it whether at home or abroad. Yesterday I experienced an intense emotional experience that revealed some very unpleasant (to put it mildly) traits within me that I was taught to repress most of my life. Since I am adopting new strategies for experiencing reality I chose to recognize the emotions and identify them though if I had acted them out -- well, I will leave it at that. Most people would advise me to simply not feel that way or try to shame me into changing. A lot of good that has done for the last 40+ years. This time I decided to report them, first to myself and then to my wife. Unfortunately it wasn't until this morning that we had time to talk about it, but I do feel much better and that some kind of healing is in the works. Choosing to acknowledge the reality of my own feelings is a first step in that process. Since I am not in charge of the process I don't know what God has in mind for the next step. But learning to be more real is crucial to becoming fully human and fully alive as God created us to be. It is new and foreign territory for me in some ways but also feels more fulfilling and hopeful. The more honest I am about what's inside creates an environment that God can work with much more effectively than trying to look good and managing my image with everyone.