Peter's Recovery - scene 1 (click here for next scene)

Peter said, “I'm going fishing.” (John 21:3) The other six disciples with him looked at each other and realized what was happening. Peter was a strong-willed person who was now struggling with deepest depression. He was still stinging with shame from his public denial of Jesus and felt he was no longer worthy to be a disciple like the others. He was brooding and unusually quiet. Yes, Jesus had appeared personally to him alone and had forgiven him, but Peter was still struggling to believe it and feel it. How could God forgive such a terrible crime? He had taken the side of the enemy and had run a knife right into Jesus' heart when He was most vulnerable. His left brain, his mind, had heard Jesus' assurances and had seen Him in person but his right brain, his emotions, were still buried under his life-long lies about what God is like and how He relates to sinners.

It is interesting and important why the Bible specifically names some of the other disciples who were with Peter and the order they were listed. Thomas was listed first. Thomas right now was the most intense believer and worshiper of Jesus. He too had struggled with being stuck in clinging to unbelief, but Jesus' gentleness and kindness in His confrontation with Thomas earlier had completely captured his heart and affections and had catapulted him beyond all the others to be the first to call Jesus his own God. Thomas recognized similarities from his own experience now being played out in Peter's heart Peter wanted to just leave these men who's very presence constantly reminded him that he was a complete failure and worthless to the cause of the Messiah. Peter decided that a return to his old life's occupation might help him suppress the overwhelming pain in his heart so he announced he was leaving. He did not ask anyone to come with him. He was sure he knew what they were really thinking about him contrary to what they may be saying. He was really a traitor, a turncoat, a coward, a worthless good-for-nothing who had committed an act of high treason while in the highest position of privilege close to Jesus. He had been entrusted with the same position on earth as Lucifer had enjoyed in heaven; and like Lucifer, he had abused his privilege. He had caved in to fear because he had failed to obey Jesus' urgent pleas with him in the garden to stay awake and pray with Him.

Guilt and shame were constantly suffocating him and he just couldn't escape Yes, Jesus' personal visit with him had revived enough hope in him that he decided not to commit suicide like Judas, but he still could not escape the overwhelming shame he felt inside. He felt that his only hope for relief was to get away from all the people and places that continually reminded him of his cowardice and go do the last activity that he could remember that gave him a sense of value.

He was a fisherman, and a damn good one at that! He would find solace and relief in doing something he was good at and prove to the world again that he still had a little value left. He would catch fish again and maybe even help support the others financially while they carried on whatever mission Jesus had for them to do. That would be his contribution; he could stay at home, out of the public view where his shame would not be exposed and work to support his family and the ministry of the other disciples. Then hopefully time would do its work and the shame and guilt would slowly recede and someday, in the distant future, he could feel somewhat normal again.

Thomas probably could pick up on this thinking more astutely than anyone else. He had just gone through something similar himself but had had his plans to withdraw interrupted by the burning passion of his own heart drawn out by the most unexpected treatment by Jesus. Thomas knew that Peter could not run away from fellowship to find the answer to his pain. Thomas had just had his own wounded heart wonderfully restored and he now deeply cared for Peter's heart and was watching carefully to see how to reach it. Thomas wanted to share the healing, comfort, joy and new assurance that he now enjoyed with Peter, but Peter couldn't accept it just yet. Peter insisted that his own sin was so much worse than the others that Thomas' restoration and healing was not possible for Peter. He was glad that Thomas was happy now, but this problem was too big – maybe even for God. After all, Lucifer could not be reinstated after he betrayed God in heaven, so why should Jesus, the Son of God, treat Peter any better.

The next disciple mentioned was Nathanael, the quiet one, who was always pondering things, analyzing and relating everything to how it fit into what he found in Scripture. He was always coming up with unusual ideas and insights that he was discovering in the Scriptures and was more and more excited that he was seeing the prophecies of the past being realized literally in front of his face. Nathanael was repeatedly suggesting to the others that they would do well to take more time to immerse themselves in the Word so they could understand together what was really happening around them, but they all felt they were too busy or too uneducated and unqualified to spend much time trying to understand prophetic writings. Yes, Nathanael had also forsaken Jesus with the others and experienced the resulting shame and guilt. But his mind was already filled with assurances of acceptance, forgiveness and a God who was always eager to restore intimacy with His children. Jesus' attitude and actions in the past few days had greatly amplified what Nathanael had learned about the true God in Scriptures and his faith and joy were being fed from an extensive root system grounded in the Word more than any of the other disciples.

It is also mentioned that Nathanael was from Cana. Nathanael had carefully observed every miracle and sign beginning with the water turned to wine in Cana – a symbol of Jesus' blood. The pieces were assembling very rapidly in Nathanael's mind and heart. He had accepted Jesus' challenge to him the very first time they had met to observe Him and see the heavens opened and see the angels going up and down on Himself. Now it was all making sense and his heart was now super-charged with emotions and a passion for God that he never had known before. He too, like Thomas, was keeping a careful watch on Peter and wanted to encourage and protect him from giving up altogether. He reminded Peter of the truth about what God was really like both from Scripture and from their own experiences with Jesus. But Peter was not in the habit of accepting advice from anyone, and though he appreciated their friendship he could not bring himself to believe in his heart their assurances of God's' unconditional love and acceptance of him.

The next two disciples mentioned were James and John. These were his closest friends. They too were very concerned for Peter and were doing everything they could think of to give him hope again. They had lived through a lot experiences together, not only with Jesus but even before then working together on the boats. But Peter was convinced that he was no longer worthy to be called a disciple. Like the prodigal son that Jesus had told about, he felt the best he could expect or hope for was to be a distant servant, out of public view, just possibly supporting the others as they found someone to take his place among the twelve.

But when Peter announced that he was going fishing, with no word of invitation to the others, the six other disciples there announced emphatically that they were going with him. There was no way they were going to let him get out of their sight. They cared to much for him to allow him to take off to the lake alone in the emotional condition he was in. So even though some of them had much less experience than the others, they all escorted him to the lake and all piled into the boat with Peter. They respected his expertise and looked to him for directions of what to do during the all-night excursion. Whatever was going to happen they decided that the most important thing right now was to be with him, whether he felt like talking or not. Just being with him even in this most unusual condition of silence would convey their care for him. And so the fishing began.