Random Blog Clay Feet: 2004-10
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Friday, October 22, 2004

Psalm 92 and Hell

I must speak of the tender mercies of our God and offer a sacrifice of praise.

Before I got out of bed I commented to my wife that today is October 22, 2004. This is interesting for us because of what happened 160 years ago today. I also remember very well something that happened in my family 40 years ago today. I was 9 years old and as we gathered for worship that morning there was an air of wondering expectancy tinged with maybe a little fear. Dad commented that in the days of Noah God only gave the people 120 years to repent. I became nervous that maybe Jesus might show up that very day.

I entered Dad’s room this morning after several visits during the night which left Tania and I both rather tired. I opened the shades and exchanged “good morning”s with him and prepared his water to drink.

I am just thanking God for all His blessings this morning”, said Dad.

This got my attention and we began to talk as I gave him sips of water. I only wish I could have recorded the whole thing. So much of it has slipped past me even in the few minutes that have now elapsed that was so deeply meaningful to both of us. But though the details have escaped me, the results within both of us are very permanent.

I pulled up a chair and opened his bedside Bible to Psalms. This Bible evidently came from one of the hospitals he stayed in. It is The New American Version and I find it very refreshing. The marker opened it to Psalm 92 and as I began to read I nearly began to weep it was so appropriate.

It is good to give thanks to the Lord,

to sing praise to your name, Most High,

To proclaim your love in the morning,

your faithfulness in the night...”

I was again experiencing the evidence and fruit of what God has done and is doing in Dad’s heart. Even praying for his meals lately moves me to tears they are so full of gratitude and thanksgiving and focused on the goodness of God. This man is a changed man. The old man has already died and I am privileged to share bonding times with the new creation God has created and is forming in this old man’s body.

With the ten-stringed harp,

with melody upon the lyre.

For you make me jubilant, Lord, by your deeds;

at the works of your hands I shout for joy.”

What did it say happened?” Dad asked.

I read it again. “For you make me jubilant, Lord by your deeds;

at the works of your hands I shout for joy.”

I gave him another drink of water and then went on.

How great are your works, Lord!

How profound your purpose!

A senseless person cannot know this;

a fool cannot comprehend.

Though the wicked flourish like grass

and all sinners thrive,

They are destined for eternal destruction;

for you, Lord, are forever on high.

Indeed your enemies, Lord,

indeed you enemies shall perish;

all sinners shall be scattered.”

Dad commented, “And someone said that God never kills.”

I wondered how much I should share with him about what I have been discovering about this very issue. Would I incite an argument? I’m not at all interested in that. I don’t want to tamper with the beautiful spirit God has put in his heart by stirring up old controversial issues. But on the other hand this emerging truth is so beautiful I thought I would take a chance and stay closely tuned to the Spirit’s promptings.

Well Dad,” I began, “I am starting to believe that myself. Not that people never suffer torture because of God, but God is not the one imposing that torture in anger.”

I explained to him what I have been discovering in the Bible over the last couple years. How there are many places where there is a parallel demonstration of the effects of God’s presence. I went and got my own Bible so I could look up the texts I had noted on this subject.

We read Lev. 9:22 through 10:3. I asked him what happened when the glory of the Lord appeared to all the people.

The people worshiped”, he responded.

Yes” I said. “But what actually happened when God’s presence appeared?”

Then I read again, “Fire came out from before the Lord and consumed the burnt offering.”

What is so interesting to me here is that the EXACT same phrase is used just a few verses later when Nadab and Abihu showed up with strange fire before the Lord. It says that “fire came out from the presence of the Lord...”, only this time it “consumed them”.

Was there anything different about the presence and fire from just a few verses ago?” I asked him.

No” he replied.

The difference was not in God but in the internal condition of the people”, I pointed out. “In the first instance, the dedication of the Sanctuary if I’m not mistaken, God got real excited - passionate - whatever you want to call it. And the results were spontaneous worship and shouting by the people. They were in tune with Him, synchronized with God, and His presence and fire produced worship.

But in the second instance just a few verses down two people showed up completely out of sync with God doing their own thing and the very same presence and fire that produced worship before ended up consuming them and they died. But it’s also important to note in this instance that it does not say God killed them. His fire consumed them, whatever that means, but not like we usually think of consuming something. Because in the next verse Moses asked someone to carry them away, so they were obviously not completely consumed. It also says that ‘they died before the Lord’, not that God killed them in anger.”

Then Moses reminded Aaron about what God had said. “By those who come near Me I will be treated as holy, and before all the people I will be honored.”

I have seen this parallel all through the Bible recently as a prophetic pointing to the last great judgment day when God’s passion is fully revealed. I explained to Dad how that the words “anger” and “wrath” translated through much of the Bible actually means “passion” in the original language. But because the translators believed in an angry God like most everyone has been led to believe they chose to translate it using the English words we have today in our Bibles.

In these parallel inferences in the Bible it speaks repeatedly of the righteous “shining as the stars” or becoming bright with glory. In fact, in Revelation 6:15-17 it is the lost who declare that what they are seeing is wrath. Nowhere in Revelation do I remember reading that the righteous see God as wrathful in their songs of praise.

I read Rev. 6:16 which describes the lost as crying out to the rocks and mountains saying, “Fall on us and hide us from the presence of Him who sits on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb.” The margin offers an alternative for the word “presence” the word “face”.

I asked Dad, “What is it that you see the most in a person’s face?”

Their emotions - what they are feeling”, he answered.

Exactly!” I said. “And how does Jesus feel about the lost and wicked?”

He loves them”, Dad responded with sadness in his eyes.

You’re right”, I said. “But when the lost see the intensity of passionate emotion in His face they mistake it for wrath and believe that He is angry with them.”

I explained to Dad that if it is true that God has intense, passionate love that He is forced to restrain for our protection, that surely He doesn’t want this condition to go on forever. God has to protect us from His passion by hiding it from us. We see an example of this with Moses when God had to protect Moses from the full intensity of His love or Moses would have died. None of us would dare claim that Moses would have died because God was mad at him. Yet we still cling to a belief that God runs out of patience and vents anger - which looks suspiciously like human anger - on the wicked at the end of the judgment.

I shared with Dad that I am coming to believe that in fact, everyone is going to end up in hell. God does not have one face and presence for the righteous and an opposite one for the wicked. Then I shared something from my own experience that God has used to help me understand this concept at a very deep and personal level.

I reminded him of when I was about 12 and was very angry and bitter most of the time. Dad could relate to this I am sure because I was becoming very rebellious and resentful and our relationship was becoming very stormy. I told him how Mom used to come up at bedtime and sit on my bed and try to talk to my heart. She felt very sad, like she was losing her special child, and she was desperate to find a way to address the pain that she knew must be inside of me.

But I was hurting so deeply from anger, from emotional wounds and from guilt that her lovingkindness only created intense torture for me. Her attempts to reach my heart with her love were so extremely disturbing for me that I just couldn’t bear it. I also wanted to avoid the additional pain from guilt I would feel if she knew I was resisting her so I would slowly ease the covers up over my head while she was pleading with me and placed my fingers in my ears. Still, it was not effective enough to stop the pain. I could still hear her words, and as long as I could hear them the pain was intolerable. So I would rub my fingers around over my ears to create enough noise to cover up her voice so I could avoid the pain.

Of course, when she discovered what I was doing after gently pulling the covers back, she was deeply pained herself and left the room with no other recourse to reach my rebellious heart.

Dad”, I asked, “was Mom angry at me when she caused me all that pain?”

No”, he answered, almost in tears.

Of course she wasn’t.” I added. “And it’s the same way with God. Why do we insist that the pain we suffer resisting His tenderness and love is because He is angry with us? I believe that the torture of the wicked described in Revelation 14:10 is because they are in the presence of the angels and the Lamb just the same way that I was tortured in the presence of my loving, heart-broken mother.”

I turned back to read more from the Psalm.

You have given me the strength of a wild bull;

you have poured rich oil upon me.

My eyes look with glee on my wicked enemies;

my ears delight in the fall of my foes.”

At this point I had to remember that even David did not always have a completely clear picture of God, though it was far advanced from what most of us believe. I believe that when God’s people are more mature they will ultimately share the intense sadness of God’s heart over the loss that the wicked will eventually suffer.

The just shall flourish like the palm tree,

shall grow like a cedar of Lebanon.

Planted in the house of the Lord,

they shall flourish in the courts of our God.

They shall bear fruit even in old age,

always vigorous and sturdy,

As they proclaim: ‘The Lord is just (and righteous);

our rock, in whom there is no wrong.”

I couldn’t help but see the fulfillment before my eyes. Dad is bearing fruit in old age. He is grateful, praising God, and I see no remnants of the old, critical bitterness and fear that so recently controlled every moment of his life and poisoned so many around him. He is even open to listening to expanding truth without arguing. He asks questions but with an open mind and a worshipping heart.

During the past few days Dad has been disturbed about something which we have not been able to understand. He talks about someone who borrowed his truck and keeps asking if his truck and trailer have been returned. This morning he mentioned it again.

I asked him to tell me the story. He said there was a family that was in need and had no money. They lived in the wilderness and needed help. He felt compelled to help them in any way he could, though he did not have money himself. So he loaned them his car. Afterward he began to have second thoughts about the situation.

Why did you have second thoughts about it?” I asked.

Because I didn’t have insurance on the car. And I was afraid what would happen if they had a wreck” he said.

As he talked about this story, that I don’t know if it is actual, composite, or an expression of his imagination, I realized that the story itself was not the important thing. What is important is that an unresolved emotion is surfacing in his mind that needs to be faced and resolved. God has shown us clearly in several training ministries we have been through recently, the importance of paying attention to these kinds of symptoms and recognizing them as opportunities for healing.

So I asked Dad if he thought Jesus would like to speak to him about what was bothering him.

He’ll speak through His word” he responded.

But the Holy Spirit wants to speak to you directly too”, I answered. “We can ask Jesus what He thinks about this memory and He will speak His truth about what is bothering you. Would you like me to ask Him to do that?”

Yes”, he said.

So I prayed for God to come and enter Dad’s memory and speak the truth to him about this situation. As I waited quietly for God to speak to Dad a flood of self-concious feelings and self-doubts began to flood my own mind. I realized the presence of unbelief and inadequacy in myself and silently cried out to God to keep my mind focused on Him and off of myself. “This is all about You and what You want to do, not about my ability to minister or help anyone”, I prayed. “Do it for your reputation’s sake, not because of my faith or lack thereof.”

Then I asked Jesus to give Dad a text or a picture to let him know what Jesus thought about him. “Dad”, I said, “did anything come to your mind?”

Well, two things” he responded.

What were they?” I asked.

One was the thing with my grandmother. And the other was...”

And now I can’t remember myself what the second thing was even though we talked about it. What I do remember is that during the course of our conversation I noticed he kept looking at his left hand laying on his chest left nearly useless by his stroke. He was trying to move it up to his face but was unable to move it very far. After a while I realized he wanted to use it to wipe tears from his eyes.

I quickly reached over and grabbed a tissue and began wiping his eyes and nose. As I was doing so I heard something inside of me saying, “And He shall wipe every tear from their eyes...” I am beginning to realize that not only is God going to do this in the future but wants to do it in the present, and through anyone willing to listen with Him to every pain that surfaces that needs healing.

As we returned to our previous train of conversation, I turned to Malachi 3:16 through 4:6 and read another passage that conveys the parallel effects of God’s presence. Those who fear (not afraid, but live in increasing awe) the Lord and esteem His name (value His character and desire to share the emotions in His heart) God claims as His own. He says they are His possession and His children that He will spare. Because the day is coming that is burning like a furnace - the day that God will finally be able to unveil His face and unleash the full intensity of His passion for everyone He has created. He then explains the results on those who have resisted that love. They will be set ablaze and annihilated. But the next verse shows the same event from the perspective of the saved and redeemed, those who have vindicated Him and demonstrated the truth about Him. What appeared as destroying fire to the wicked is seen as a Sun of Righteousness to the redeemed, that arises with healing in His rays (translated as wings). They will leap about in celebration and be completely free at last.

Do you see that light bulb up there on the ceiling?” I asked. “What’s wrong with it?”

There’s no electricity”, he answered.

That’s right” I said, “but what would happen if there was air in that bulb and I turned on the switch?”

There would be a flash.” he answered.

And then what would happen?”

It would be burned up.” he answered.

Then I said, “There are two bulbs up there in that fixture, Dad. What would happen to each one when I flip on that switch if one bulb has air in it and the other still has a vacuum?”

He answered, “One would flash and burn up and the other would put out light.”

So what would we do with the one that is burned out, then?”

We would throw it in the trash.” he said.

Dad, do you remember the Sanctuary system in the Old Testament?” I asked. “It is a model of the whole great controversy, right?”

Yes” he replied.

Was there ever a time in the sanctuary service when a sacrifice was burned while it was still alive?

No” he said.

I then pointed out, “If the sanctuary is the model for how the great controversy plays out, why would we believe that God will burn the wicked alive at the judgment? Yes, the torture is described in terms of burning fire, but the internal pain of exposure to the face of a God full of a love so intense that it is dangerous is far worse than the pain of real fire. I have come to believe that after the wicked have all died from the pain of the sin in their lives exposed to the intense love of the God who cares deeply for them — after they have all suffered and died, then God will send physical fire to melt down the mess that sin has left and start over with a new heaven and earth.

Then we read on in Malachi where it goes on to show what is needed to get us ready for that awesome event. 4:4 - First we have to remember the law of Moses. We will see our sinfulness and realize our helpless condition to change. But God has the answer for that too.

God is sending Elijah the prophet before that great day. To do what?

As I read the next verse I had to stop several times in the midst of intense emotion of my own. For it describes what is happening in the present experience we are both going through.

He will restore the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers...”

Dad, this is what is happening right now”, I said.

He responded, “This is an answer to my prayers. I have been concerned about you and have been praying for many years. And now God has answered my prayers.”

I saw a little glimpse into the heart of my own father in that moment. I didn’t realize that he cared for me that much.

Dad, I have been praying for you too for many years. And God has answered my prayers too. It is so wonderful that God has put us together so we can serve you and bond together with you.”

As we hugged each other in healing love I was once again in awe of what God is doing. He has indeed sent Elijah to repair and restore estranged hearts. But there are other hearts that need to join this process of healing and restoration too. God is just getting started, and I’m so excited to see what is going to happen soon as God progresses His work in our families.

We have noticed something about Dad’s prayers lately. They hardly resemble the form prayers of so many years I was familiar with. Now as he prays for his food or before worship reading we most often hear something like “let us partake of our food with grateful hearts, rejoicing in your goodness”, or “with hearts full of gratitude we thank you for your goodness and lovingkindness...” I hear the ring of a converted, humble, lover of Jesus in these prayers and it sometimes brings me to tears of gratitude myself.

I turned back to Psalm 92 and read the words again.

It is good to give thanks to the Lord,

to sing praise to your name, Most High,

To proclaim your love in the morning,

your faithfulness in the night...”

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Communion - but with a twist

(context - taking care of Dad at home after a number of strokes disabled him and a few months after my stepmom was killed in a car accident)

Mother’s birthday - would have been 90

Last night my mind was pondering the impression I had about holding communion with Dad. I don’t know how the idea came up but it was just there for a while.

Friday night we listened to the first two sermons by Frank Phillips on Righteousness by Faith that I have had for some time but have not listened to yet. I was very impressed by some of the concepts and quotations and they were more easily understood in the light of many of the other things we have been learning lately. Though Dad dozed through some of it I was again a little surprised that he did not react to the strong presentation about the nature of Christ which only a year ago he would have reacted to violently.

Yesterday I strung a cable from the TV in the living room to his bedroom and set up another TV for him to watch. He was very appreciative which made me almost feel bad I had not done it much sooner. Dad is not one to express his feelings or needs very much but we are encouraging him to do so more and are trying to ensure a safe atmosphere for those expressions. Actually, I find myself in an almost continual state of low level amazement at what God has done and continues to do in Dad’s heart. It encourages me to let go of my own resistance and let mine be changed more rapidly as well.

This morning I ate a nice breakfast of delicious frozen fresh peaches heated and thickened with toast and almond butter and canned milk on the peaches - just like when I was a kid. As I was about to start the last bowl full I decided that Dad would enjoy the same thing. God had impressed me strongly this morning drawing from several sources that if I would deny myself like Peter denied Jesus then I could be free for Him to live His life in me. That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to figure out for years. Keeping my selfishness “dead” for me is just as difficult as it was for Jesus to resist tapping into His natural perfect nature to resist sin. So I easily recognized that I would naturally rather eat the peaches myself than share them with Dad. But when I thought about it openly that way the selfishness became shamefully obvious and lost it’s appeal. So I threw what was left, toast and all, into the blender and gladly whizzed it up for Dad to enjoy - along with my soymilk and a bannana (which would not appeal to me anyway).

Dad suggested he might need to sit on the commode so I got him up. (Tania is away for the weekend so I’m doing everything alone, a great privilege in some ways) I decided to feed him while he sat there in case he might do more. Eating usually inspires that kind of activity for him. As we sat together for his breakfast we watched Dwight Nelson on 3ABN preach on the crucifixion in a sermon from last Easter. (I believe I was there for that sermon in person and maybe even running one of the cameras.) It was a deeply moving presentation full of pathos trying to convey at a deeper level the intensity of God’s passionate love for us demonstrated in what Jesus experienced there on the cross. I found myself drawn into the truth of the gospel and starting to weep with deeper appreciation for the reality of what really happened. As I turned to give Dad some of the last bites of breakfast I saw him wiping his eyes and blowing his nose. Suddenly it hit me again in fuller force, the reality of the deep, almost unbelievable change that God has and is doing in his heart. I also realized that we were experiencing something I have craved for several years now - mutual worship. You know, the real kind. The kind that is a spontaneous but also a simultaneous reaction of emotion and appreciation in the imminent presence of a God who we discover cares more passionately about us than we ever dared hope. I never dreamed I would worship this way alongside the one who was the very one who abused me the most and programmed me from a very early age with most of my false concepts of what God is like.

God is doing a new thing.

As I prepared to get Dad off the commode and clean him up and set him in his easychair it also begin to register in my mind — wash his feet? The real meaning of the original footwashing was not to establish another mindless routine, which it has become for most of us. It was to serve in gladness, performing the most humiliating function, at least in the eyes of the world, with a selfless spirit which sets one free from the humiliation itself. The privilege we have of doing the necessary things to clean up a person after a BM and keep their sense of self-worth in the process is the same thing, in essence, that Jesus did for each of those disciples.

As I was shaving Dad this morning Jesus whispered to me, “You are shaving Me”.

I am?” I thought.

Yes, I take it on faith because Jesus said so in the Bible — and He’s always right.