Random Blog Clay Feet: October 12, 2006
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Thursday, October 12, 2006

You are because I AM

When God called Moses in the bush, Moses basically said, “I don't know who I am.” His whole identity and value was now very much in doubt. He used to be very confident and sure of himself, but his value was derived from his position and accomplishments. He was adopted into the royal family of Egypt. He was heir to the throne by law. He was a champion leader who had many military victories to his name. He was capable, efficient, savy, good-looking and proud of himself. He also realized his unique calling to deliver his biological relatives from bondage and likely spent time arranging all the various pieces and advantages of his life into various scenarios as to how this would happen. (We do the same thing with our end-time novels.)

Moses was sure he knew who he was and had some terrific and glorious plans for accomplishing great things for God and for his own people. He was excited and eager to take on the challenge and just knew he was the man blessed with all the right talents and resources. He knew he was called of God and what his destiny was. But he may have been baffled that God didn't seem to be initiating anything as things got worse and worse for the slaves, his own relatives. He may have felt that the opportune time was about to pass unused. His own power and advantages were starting to wane and be threatened by intrigue and politics. Jealous power struggles threatened to soon expose his real identity and jeopardize his assumed identity that had been carefully manicured for decades. If he was exposed as being adopted and his roots linked to the slave people his own life as well as the life of his princess mother might be at stake. The pressure was mounting and the stress was becoming enormous.

Then the very nightmare he feared most happened and even worse, because he inadvertently precipitated it himself. In trying to be the hero he was taught to be and combine it with concern for God's chosen people, his whole carefully constructed and well-groomed identity and all his plans collapsed in shame and disgrace. He was forced to run for his life like an escaping slave instead of a brave warrior.

His real fears and insecurity and immaturity burst out into the open and reality hit him unexpectedly changing his life forever. He stumbled into the wilderness confused, angry, ashamed, fearful and very seriously doubting God's intentions to use him and maybe even God's abilities. He was swallowed in darkness and hopeless despair. Sadness for his family, both biological and adopted, wrapped him like a soggy blanket. Pangs of fear for their safety and regrets for his fault in putting them in danger repeatedly shot through him as his mind raced to make sense out of all this chaos. He became deeply disgusted with himself, with the politically corrupt power system that crushed people's lives without any concern and had now ruined his forever. Where was God in all this? Why didn't He intervene if He was so loving and powerful?

Jethro and his family quietly and patiently molded and trained him into the ways of true reality. They could see him with the eyes of heaven past his cultured and damaged exterior. They cooperated with God in teaching him and training both his mind and his heart to value what is really important and become free from the artificialness of the world's system and its measurements of value.

When God appeared to call Moses to start work forty years later he had completely given up all plans of his own. He had fully embraced a humble shepherd's life and assumed he had permanently sabotaged any plans God may have previously had for him. He now no longer had any of the necessary advantages and leverage of power that he felt was needed to accomplish deliverance. He believed God would move to plan B and find someone else better positioned to bring about His plans.

So when God surprised him by instructing him to move ahead with delivering his people, Moses immediately reminded God of all the above. “you must have dialed the wrong number. I'm no longer the man equipped and positioned strategically for the job. I don't even know who I am anymore.”

God came back with what is most important. “I AM. Your identity is received by connection to I AM which is all of your value. You are the one called and empowered and valued by the One who is the source of all value and identity. You are because I AM.”