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While I used to do paper routes quite efficiently, it has been about forty years since I did this job. I was a little sharper then and maybe a bit more ambitious as well. Back then I did it all on my bicycle (except the time I talked my brother-in-law in taking me around on his big BMW motorcycle at 4 AM) no matter what the weather – rain, ice, snow etc. It too was an early morning route and I prided myself on being as nearly perfect as possible trying to keep every customer happy.
Well, my track record is not quite so good so far on my second or third morning. This morning when I went in at 2 AM I was presented with over a page full of complaints and problems from the past two mornings. I am still trying to nail down exactly where some of the address really are and how they want them delivered. I thought I had done much better yesterday, but I guess I still have a ways to go.
My sleep has been another real problem for me. For the first couple days I could not hardly sleep at all. Every time I tried to sleep I would lay there for hours and then only dose a little. I tried sleeping before the run – after the run. I finally decided that my body would just have to get tired enough to stop fighting me to stay awake and finally agree to go ahead and sleep when I need to. Well, today I think I am getting much closer. I was able to sleep longer last night and felt much better today than yesterday when the fatigue was becoming very noticeable while I was trying to work my regular remodeling job. After I returned this morning about 5 AM I ate some breakfast and sat down to read and study. I was feeling wide awake so I figured I was good for the day until about an hour later when I realized I was ready for some more good sleep laying flat. Maybe now my body will accept a routine that will allow me to do both jobs without too much exhaustion.
Another thing I figure I will likely experience, and I am already starting to, is the dreams that may plague me for months to come after finishing this project. I have had the problem of recurring dreams that keep you quite tense and worried, sort of like nightmares where you are always forgetting something or are late or .... I have had these kind of dreams after I went back to college for a couple years about twenty years ago. You know, those dreams where I am late for class, or forgot that I even had this class until the final test, or can't figure out what I am supposed to be learning. There seems to be a recurring familiar theme that runs through all the various nightmares that come after these intense responsibilities. As I look back, the common threads in these dreams is always fear, being late, and forgetting. I think if I was wise enough I might learn some important things about what makes me tick inside by these clues. But I don't quite have a grasp of that just yet.
I started reading a new book recently that I picked up at the Marriage Retreat with Family Foundations last month. It is called Meaningless Words and Broken Covenants by Tim Coody. I am only two or three chapters into it but I can tell already that this one is going to be very good. Sometimes you run across a book that really fills out something very important that you have learned and puts it in words that really help understand and underscore it in ways you could have never done yourself. This is one of those.
Over the past few years I have become very aware that one of the most important issues in the Great Controversy of the universe is the issue of deception. I have thought about it from various angles and sensed that this issue is necessary to understand if one is going to get a more accurate picture of reality. This book in just the first few pages is clarifying the issue very poignantly and accurately. I am looking forward to reading further and clarifying my thinking about this subject, for I know that it will enhance many other things I have been learning about living from the heart and becoming more aware of what is really real and what around us is just mirage. If anyone is interested I am sure it can be purchased from Family Foundations which you can find on my Resource page. If anyone else would like to read it along with me I would be delighted to have someone to discuss it with and get other perspectives.
I have been enjoying reading the inter-linking blogs of my sister and my friend Linda. It appears that maybe some elements of community are starting to emerge as people began interlinking their real lives and emotions of the heart through this new medium of blogging. Sometimes I wonder what people think who drop in on my site and just browse, but they never leave comments. I wonder what is going on the their lives, some of whom come from far-away places on the planet like China, Brazil, Romania, Canada, France, Spain etc. I know many of them arrive here at random from just going from one random blog to the next. But some of them stay for awhile and some I think return. I am always curious about them and often wish that it was easier to make connections and get to know them better. Oh well, more of my wishful dreaming.
I have run across some personal and interesting blogs myself that I bookmark and return to quietly observe myself. Yes its true, I don't hardly ever leave my comments there either. It is usually because I assume that most people are afraid of contact from strangers and will always assume the worst motives. That make me sad that our world is so suspicious that people are prevented from being genuine and friendly with each other without fear. I personally feel the need for more meaningful connections with people. It is an important part of my much-needed “joy therapy”.
I continue to pray that God will bring people together in love-bonds as He assembles His family here on earth. I know that many of those people will likely emerge from very unexpected places with very surprising backgrounds. The God that I am coming to know is like that. He is far more tuned in to where a person's heart is and the condition of their spirit than He is focused on their religious knowledge base or their professions. Knowing that, I am spending more time trying to pay attention to the condition of my own spirit in my interactions with people. I have started seeing interesting little changes as a result that encourage me. I am also very overwhelmed the more I realize how incompetent I am in this part of my existence. God sure has a lot of work cut out for Him to do in my life.
