Legal Tender

I got up this morning to capture another one of those unexpected ideas that was presented to me before I lost it. It is insights regarding the nature of debt, sin and salvation that have puzzled me for most of my life and keeps me looking for more answers that make sense and line up with the principles I have been learning from the Bible. This increased understanding is helping me to further sort out some of the troublesome questions that have haunted me for years. As I have spent time listening to others who have excellent insights into this subject and put that together with what God has been showing me over the years, the puzzle just keeps getting more filled in and the picture becomes clearer. If you would care to read it, I posted it at another of my blogs where the subject matter fits in with the theme of the site quite well. You can read it by clicking here. But be aware, it is not a real short post. Enjoy and have a great day. And I welcome any comments or ideas to enhance my own understanding even further.

Discomfort with Judgment

I was sitting in church pondering some of the issues that were being discussed and/or avoided and I began to think again about the relationship of judgment to other things in life. For instance, why is it that the closer one gets to really knowing God the more uncomfortable one can become? After all, one of the main reasons many of us try to know God to start with is to find relief from much of our pain, both physical and emotional. And yet when we truly come to God with our hearts finally starting to open to receive love for maybe the first time in our life, we find that coming into His presence stirs up old issues that cause us to squirm and duck and try to avoid what we are being convicted of that we don't want to face.

But as I thought about this it started to make much more sense to me. After all, God is really the most powerful judge in the whole universe, and we expect to come close to Him without facing judgment? Come on, get real! You can't expect to cozy up to One who's very identity is that of Judge while expecting to avoid judgment can you?

So in that respect it should be no surprise at all that when we start to get serious about knowing God that we will begin to feel the effects of true judgment in our lives. So how should we relate to this? Try to manipulate the Judge? Try to bribe Him with good works and lots of praise and worship? Try to remake Him into our image as one who is so lenient and loving and full of grace that He will overlook our mistakes and secret sins? Just how are we to get intimately close to the great Judge Himself? How do we deal with the natural reaction of fear when coming into the presence of judgment?

I am coming to understand that much of our problem with being afraid of judgment and true judges is that we have such a contorted view of what this really means. What I have been learning through careful study and observation is that the word judge and its related words like judgment and judging are in actuality simply talking about exposure of what is real and what is hidden on the inside.

Because so much of what we call judging in this world is a perversion of true judgment, we have come to be afraid of the idea of facing the final day of judgment before the throne of God. I am not saying there is not great reason for being quite concerned to be ready to face the judgment. But I am saying that our concern should be for possibly different reasons than what we have usually assumed.

Counterfeit judging usually involves arbitrary decisions based on arbitrary and often fickle rules and laws that are often conflicting and even unjust. Judges have come to be known for their unfairness and selfish interests in many of their decisions and millions are possibly imprisoned right now, not because they are guilty of any real crime but because prosecutors, lawyers and judges have colluded to find someone to blame to take the heat off of their own unjust system of political power sharing.

Earthly judging also almost always involves imposing shame on others, whether it is imposed by a court of law or whether it is the judging that we typically do to each other in the normal course of our day. In addition, nearly all of the news that we hear from the media is skewed to create assumptions of judgment even before we have heard all the facts. We are being trained by our culture in constantly judging others while at the same time desperately trying to avoid being judged ourselves. As a result of this mindset that is so widely pervasive we have assumed that God acts pretty much the same way we do, handing out arbitrary decisions and imposing them on the guilty with force that cannot be questioned.

But is this really how God relates to the children that He loves so tenderly? Is God the Judge different than God our Father? Do we find ourselves wishing that God would judge others harshly who are hurting and oppressing us but want Him to extend extra grace to us and our kind? Are we so bent on insisting that God is just the way we insist that He must be that we cannot see the real truth about how He feels about us or what is involved in real judgment?

I am becoming much more aware that real judgment really means open exposure of what is inside the heart, what the true motives are that cause us to do and say the things that others see on the outside. If what is truly on the inside is less than honest or honorable or moral, then we likely have very good reason to fear true judgment, for real judgment simply exposes for everyone to see clearly what we have been desperately trying to hide from them for so many years. And it is inevitable that as a person comes closer to the real God (not the God that religion has created in the image of the world's system) who is also the real judge that the person themselves will necessarily begin to experience the exposure of what is deep inside. This is only natural, for as John clearly explained in his gospel, the closer we get to the light the more clearly will our faults be exposed.

So what is the result of this unavoidable consequence of coming closer to God? What is becoming more clear to me is that an unwillingness to face exposure in our life, to face truthfully the inner faults, sins and corruption that lies deep within every one of our hearts, actually blocks us from knowing the real truth about God. For it is absolutely impossible for anyone to really become close friends with the real Judge without being willing to experience the exposure that is the essence of that presence itself.

I also believe that resistance to true judgment in the authentic presence of God is part of the foundation of all false and counterfeit religions in this world. Resistance to real judgment also is the root of many of the popular lies about God that so permeates much of our thinking and assumptions about Him. We suppose that we want to get close to God so we can feel better, but at the same time we resist the personal exposure that always accompanies coming into His presence. But knowing God for real and avoiding exposure is attempting an impossibility. The only way this is ever going to happen is if we substitute alternate, deceptive ideas about what God is like for the real truths about Him. And that is what happens most of the time in religious circles.

What are my gut-level immediate feelings whenever I hear about the great day of judgment? Am I afraid? Terrified? Intimidated? Motivated to strive harder to be a “good” person (whatever that means)?

One thing I am perceiving is that our initial reaction and feelings that we have at the gut-level whenever we seriously think about judgment reveals the truth about how we really feel about God too. For since God is in charge of the judgment and is indeed the Judge Himself, the judgment is going to reflect His own character and personality in how it is conducted.

Whatever people may think about judgment, the reality is that the secret thoughts and motives of every single thinking individual who has ever lived will be fully exposed for all to see plainly. But real judgment does not just take place at one time far off in the future. Those who choose to get close to the Judge today and accept His offer of salvation and intimacy with Him will have to be willing to seriously enter into judgment beginning right now. And this exposing of the secret things of the heart and life will continue to intensify and become more and more explicit the closer we get to maturity.

One thing I have observed is that God usually, if not always, starts at the individual level and brings conviction to the heart in an attempt to expose what needs to be dealt with and resolved with them alone before ever moving on to more public exposure. God is very kind and faithful and respectful of our feelings and freedoms. He wants us become honest with Him and with ourselves and to release our sins to Him that He exposes in private judgment with Him. If we are willing to cooperate with Him at this level we will be able to find the freedom and peace and integrity that He is eager to place in our hearts to avoid the public embarrassment of open judgment.

But if we resist His quiet convictions and refuse His offers of repentance, but instead deny our faults and problems, we force Him to become more and more public with the circumstances that bring exposure to what is hiding within. All through this process of personal judgment and exposure we have opportunity to accept repentance from Him and in humility confess the truth about what He is revealing to us about ourselves. As long as our heart is not totally seared from over-resistance to His Spirit we have opportunity to come into alignment with His will and His ways through His grace.

But there is also coming a day when everyone and everything will converge together to finally expose, not only the real truths about what is in each heart whether honest or deceitful, but will also be a surprising revelation or exposure of what is in the heart of God Himself. The great day of judgment – which really means the great day of exposure or revelation – is when every heart, motive and thought, both human, angelic and divine, will be laid out in full view for all the universe to finally judge according to the built-in principles of reality that are hard-wired into every living, conscious mind.

Am I still afraid of the judgment? Am I still afraid of God? Am I still afraid of others seeing what goes on inside my secret thoughts and imaginations? If I am aware of any of these fears, I am not to run away from them and the convictions of the Spirit, but my real hope is to acknowledge those fears as symptoms of things that have yet to be judged and resolved so that I have no fear of them coming out in the final judgment when it will be too late to have them removed from my character.

For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God. (John 3:20-21)

Two Religions - Fear or Love

I am starting to see clear outlines of the contrasting approaches to religion in the following passages and the resultant attitudes that those two approaches foster in the heart and life. The true religion of Jesus is based solely on love and fosters confidence and unity. The counterfeit system of religion is founded upon fear and power.

Those in the counterfeit system view God as a power-broker that utilizes fear to intimidate His subjects into submission and obedience. Because of their insistence of false assumptions about the character of God they come to believe firmly in forceful punishment as the way that God executes vengeance. Believing in a God of force and control leads to believing in a God who uses threats of punishment as intimidation and motivation for His followers.

Yet this is not the true religion of Jesus. In these passages are revealed very different spirits with very different outcomes. However, this cannot even be easily seen in these verses if one has filters in place, beliefs in a vengeful kind of God who depends on force and fear to achieve compliance with His rules. Under these conditions many of the words have been assigned alternative meanings and as such they only tend to reinforce the false ideas about how God relates to His adversaries.

First let's review the passages that give us some of these insights.

Therefore, brethren, since we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is, His flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near. For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a terrifying expectation of judgment and THE FURY OF A FIRE WHICH WILL CONSUME THE ADVERSARIES. (Hebrews 10:19-27)

We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because He first loved us. (1 John 4:16-19)

Men were scorched with fierce heat; and they blasphemed the name of God who has the power over these plagues, and they did not repent so as to give Him glory. Then the fifth angel poured out his bowl on the throne of the beast, and his kingdom became darkened; and they gnawed their tongues because of pain, and they blasphemed the God of heaven because of their pains and their sores; and they did not repent of their deeds. (Revelation 16:9-11)

Anyone who has set aside the Law of Moses dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much severer punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled under foot the Son of God, and has regarded as unclean the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know Him who said, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY." And again, "THE LORD WILL JUDGE HIS PEOPLE." It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God. But remember the former days, when, after being enlightened, you endured a great conflict of sufferings, partly by being made a public spectacle through reproaches and tribulations, and partly by becoming sharers with those who were so treated. For you showed sympathy to the prisoners and accepted joyfully the seizure of your property, knowing that you have for yourselves a better possession and a lasting one. Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised. FOR YET IN A VERY LITTLE WHILE, HE WHO IS COMING WILL COME, AND WILL NOT DELAY. BUT MY RIGHTEOUS ONE SHALL LIVE BY FAITH; AND IF HE SHRINKS BACK, MY SOUL HAS NO PLEASURE IN HIM. But we are not of those who shrink back to destruction, but of those who have faith to the preserving of the soul. (Hebrews 10:28-39)

I think it is very helpful to take the phrases from these verses and place them in a contrasting column structure to be able to see more clearly the opposing nature of the underlying belief systems about what God is really like.

we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is, His flesh... Is His flesh the veil itself, or is it the new and living way to enter the holy place beyond the veil? Either way, this identifies that our confidence is now to be based on something different and newer than the previous reasons used for confidence.	In previous times under the legal model of thinking, the holy place was off-limits to everyone except the priest. The veil was in place to hide the glory of God from humanity. But this was necessary due to our deeply distorted views of God that put us in danger of being consumed by that glory. But the veil can also refer to the deceptions that have blinded us for so long about the real truths about God's character.
let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. The dramatic shift of emphasis here contrasts counterfeit religion with true religion that is based primarily in the heart. An evil conscience is one that believes the old lies about how God relates to us. The demonstration of God's love at Calvary is the blood that sprinkles our conscience and cleanse us from those lies about Him.	Under the old system it became assumed that the externals were the most important thing to God though that was not His original intent for that system. Those who drew near to the holy place often did so with great fear instead of confidence. Evil was thought to be something that external blood had to expiate. But sin is rooted in the heart and conscience.
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful Notice the motivation for holding fast to a new kind of confession based on hope instead of fear – the fact of God's faithfulness, not ours.	Under the law the thinking was oriented more toward outward obedience and conformance to rules and regulations and social titles. Ancestry was very important to Jews and their hope was often based on their lineage more than their trust in God's faithfulness.
let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds Again, notice the contrast in the motivation that we use to invite others into obedience from the heart and fellowship.	In a legal model the motivation is not based on love but on fear. Good deeds are viewed as a way to impress or manipulate God or cause others to value us more.
not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near. Love-based spirituality from the heart attracts people to draw toward each other and encourage each other. As they see the end of the world approaching they do not depend on fear to keep their loyalty and obedience strong but they press together even tighter to give strength to each other in love and courage.	When a person is law-oriented and living in a performance-based religion they will tend to separate from others and withdraw more and more over time in their attempts to achieve personal perfection. Their critical, fault-finding bent will wear away at their relationships with others and they will become self-focused in their attempts to purify their lives of everything they perceive as sinful. They will depend on fear of end-time events to motivate them to greater efforts to perfection their characters.
This knowledge of the truth is far more than knowledge of true facts or doctrines. It is a revelation to the heart of the beauty and attractiveness of the character of God, a realization of the drawing power of the love that is radically different than anything we have ever known before. When we see the real love of God and all that He has risked in His sacrifice on Calvary to change our minds about Him and then choose to keep on living in resistance to that love by self-indulgence and allowing sin to remain in our hearts, we will find that we have cut off our own ability to respond positively to that love and no longer have the capability to repent. (compare this with Isaiah 33:10-17)	if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a terrifying expectation of judgment and THE FURY OF A FIRE WHICH WILL CONSUME THE ADVERSARIES. I see this sinning willfully as an insistence on believing false concepts about how God feels about His children. If we reject the real truth about God by returning to a fear-based religious way of thinking based on false ideas about judgment and God's fire, then we will only have terror to motivate us in our relationship with God. And as a result we will ultimately experience the very things from God that our terror expects He will execute against His enemies even though in actuality that is not what is really going on.
We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. This is another description of true religion of the heart. This kind of know relates to intimacy that includes affections and emotions and personal shared secrets of the heart. As we experience this kind of intimacy with our loving Savior we learn to really believe with confidence the transforming love which God has for us.	In counterfeit religion we can talk about love from the head but we fail to really experience and embrace it at the heart level. Love that is not appreciated and experienced in the heart cannot really be truly believed. Thus we become hypocritical in our profession of being followers of Jesus while not having the evidence of true love emanating from our lives.
love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment Love is other-centered attention and a spirit of kindness that lives to bless. As our hearts receive and practice this through fellowship in the body of Christ, our confidence (absence of fear) grows. We learn that judgment means being fully exposed, not arbitrarily condemned, shamed or denounced.	When we think our confidence comes from our behavioral achievements and the elimination of all sin from our lives externally, we are setting ourselves up for a terrible shock. Perfectionism will never prepare us for the kind of heart and motive exposure that judgment always involves.
as He is, so also are we in this world We take on the same view of the Father as Jesus demonstrated while here on this earth. As a result we learn to relate to others around us the way Jesus did while here.	When the wrong filters are in place, this verse will be assumed to mean that we must perfectly copy the behavioral perfection that we believe Jesus demonstrated while on this earth. This thinking assumes that Jesus worked very hard to resist all temptations to sin and that we have to do the same with extra help from God. But this belief system is riddled with false definitions about the words involved here.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. This is another explicit contrast between love-based religion and fear-based religion. To be perfected in love one must let go of all counterfeit beliefs about God rooted in fear.	False religion is based on using fear as the primary motivator for driving people to repentance and turning them to God for salvation. God is viewed as having duplicity by coming to us with a carrot and stick approach to induce us to obedience. We believe that God threatens disobedience with severe punishment and offers rewards for good behavior. But real love cannot be perfected in this environment.
When the real truth about God and reality is experienced, we will begin to see that the plagues that come are a result of rejecting God's mercy and protection over the earth; they are only natural consequences of unleashed powers that are out of balance due to the effects from our sins. In truth, God's power has been exercised for centuries to prevent us from suffering these consequences, but when the world totally refuses His protection and forces away His mercy we will become exposed to the natural destructive forces that are inevitable from our own choices.	Men were scorched with fierce heat; and they blasphemed the name of God who has the power over these plagues Notice who it is who reacts with blasphemy – it is those who believe in power and control. Because their whole belief system is based on the exercise of power used to control others they believe that God is the one who is to be blamed for all their problems because they assume that He is controlling and abusing power like they do.
True repentance comes about by perceiving and appreciating the kindness of God (see Romans 2:4) When our repentance is thus motivated our lives will produce praise for God's goodness, mercy and kindness which is how He is glorified. When true repentance leads us into a complete trust relationship with God where He lives out His life from our hearts, our deeds will naturally become righteous because the One living within us is righteous.	they did not repent so as to give Him glory...and they did not repent of their deeds. See here what the purpose of repentance is supposed to accomplish. True repentance motivates one to give God glory, not blasphemy. And those who refuse to repent are those who's religion is very externally oriented. This is why deeds are mentioned here. Deeds – behavior – is the basis for counterfeit religion. This also shows that fear is not effective in producing repentance.
For the Law was given through Moses; grace and truth were realized through Jesus Christ. (John 1:17)	Anyone who has set aside the Law of Moses dies without mercy When choosing to function under the basis of law as the primary model, mercy is easily set aside. Violations of prescriptive law induce the arbitrary punishments attached.
It is dangerous to turn our heart away from the drawing cords of love back to selfishness once we have begun our romance with God. It does something to us that is much more serious than we can realize. It damages delicate parts of our inward abilities of the heart that can permanently prevent us from being able to return to that intimacy ever again. We must be aware of this danger and respect the sacredness of the intimacy that we are privileged to experience with God.	How much severer punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled under foot the Son of God, and has regarded as unclean the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has insulted the Spirit of grace? This is very fascinating. It seems here that the author is still taking the view from the legal position. From that perspective – under the law – he is asking the reader a question, what do you think about how severe the punishment should be for such a serious crime as is itemized here?
For we know Him who said, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY." Now the author is switching back over to God's system of operation – relational. He is saying that we know Him – something that is way beyond law-based logic in relating to others and God. We know HIM – His heart, what He is really like. And He is not like the arbitrary way that law and rules function. This also touches our need to understand the truth about God's view of vengeance. (see the real definition of God's version of vengeance in Romans 12:19-21)	When we perceive the word vengeance from our human assumptions about that word, we will automatically believe that it is talking about God loosing patience and lashing out with severe punishments that are arbitrary and even hateful. But a very careful examination of the Scriptures on this subject will reveal that God's definition of vengeance is almost totally opposite of what we always assume it means. That is why God tells us to leave all vengeance up to Him, because He only can do it in complete love without perversion.
"THE LORD WILL JUDGE HIS PEOPLE." It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God. This too has a meaning that I believe may be different than first assumed. The word judge really means to be completely and fully exposed – every thought, motive and inward attitude of the heart brought out clearly for everyone's examination and evaluation. That is the kind of situation that every Christian must be prepared for and that is certainly reason to feel somewhat terrified. But this terror is not so much intimidation-based but is more like the thrill type of terror that one might experience when bungy-jumping or riding a high roller-coaster. It is a combination of high risk and trust that produces potential thrills that take us well beyond our normal comfort zone.	Under the deceptions common in counterfeit religion the word judge is usually assumed to mean something along the lines of condemnation, denouncement, accusation, demeaning etc. As a result of these negative assumptions, when this verse is read we assume that the terror referred to here is the fear that we are supposedly to live under that will somehow drive us toward obedience to God. This feeds into all the false ideas about hell and all of the lies about God in connection with hell and suppositions about God's threatenings to torture sinners for failing to love Him. This has been the cause for many to reject the whole concept of God because these teachings are so repulsive to the human heart that was created to operate on love, not fear.
remember the former days, when, after being enlightened, you endured a great conflict of sufferings, partly by being made a public spectacle This is the definition of the previous reference to judgment. When God's people are judged they are exposed. But notice what it is that is exposed. His character becomes more fully revealed from their lives in the process. This verse reminds them of previous times when this happened in their life and alerts them that it will happen again.	In a fear-based religion, being made a public spectacle creates a great deal of dread and apprehension and shame. It also feeds into false ideas about how God treats us and leads many to think that God orders bad things to happen to us to teach us a stern lesson or two.
you showed sympathy to the prisoners and accepted joyfully the seizure of your property, knowing that you have for yourselves a better possession and a lasting one. This is a reminder of how to correctly relate to judgment/exposure – showing what is inside. What is revealed is sympathy and non-resistance to the evil brought against you, joyfully accepting it by keeping your perspective of what is true reality, the bigger picture and your true identity.	For a person who is living in a legal, fear-based religion this verse is potentially very baffling. It goes against normal human nature to react with joy and sympathy under such treatment and so this would often be viewed as yet another command that must be fulfilled in our growing list of requirements that God demands we must meet to be a good Christian.
Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance It is not enough to just pass through being exposed one time. We need endurance – stick-to-it-iveness to cling to our confidence in God's faithfulness.	For a perfection-oriented religion the confidence of the person is based on some nebulous formula that keeps score of good deeds verses evil in our account in heaven. Endurance is yet another requirement that must be met by even more effort determination.
MY RIGHTEOUS ONE SHALL LIVE BY FAITH We have a choice to make when facing this exposure that is called judgment. If we choose to trust the heart and ability of God in our covenant relationship with Him, our soul will be filled with His pleasure in us.	IF HE SHRINKS BACK, MY SOUL HAS NO PLEASURE IN HIM If we are living in a religion based on fear we will will not be able to maintain our confidence when the pressure gets turned up. We will eventually crack and shrink back in terror because we have harbored the seeds of terror – fear in our hearts, and that is the fruit that will show up and produce its tragic results. When we live in a religion of fear we cannot experience the pleasure that comes from being linked with the heart of God.
those who have faith to the preserving of the soul	those who shrink back to destruction

Secrets in the Two Altars

A reading that I looked at this morning referenced the verse in Revelation 16:7 about the altar in heaven speaking out. What followed really grabbed my attention and a flood of thoughts began to come to me. Here are a few things I had to quickly write down.

The two altars in the sanctuary seem to be linked very closely with each other.

They both have fire on them.

They both have incense burned on them in one way or another.

They both give off smoke that appears to affect God's thinking.

They both seem to be focal points but in different areas of the sanctuary.

The fire that is used on the incense altar comes from the sacrifice altar.

Is it possible that these two altars represent the final destiny of two groups of people?

If we refuse to be separated from sin in our heart do we end up being consumed on the altar of sacrifice? That is where all the animals were burned up that represented the sins of the people – after they had already been killed.

In contrast, there is no animal or flesh offered on the altar of incense. The coals from this altar are brought from the sacrifice altar to ignite the fire that is used to burn the incense. But the main purpose of this altar is to fill the inner sanctuary with an atmosphere of sweetness that is attractive. The incense clearly represents the prayers of believers who are called saints in the Bible.

Those who make up the body of Christ in the end will be all those who allow God to completely cleanse them of all their bondage to sin in their minds and hearts. Their lives are marked by the presence of much prayer, constant interaction with God, praise, gratitude and encouragement. This is the atmosphere that produces in the life the reflection of the attractiveness of God's character.

But the fire that ignites all the elements that smell so nice after being burned comes from an understanding of the true nature of sin and its effects on the life. Fire represents passion, but that passion must be the holy fire, the holy passion that can only come from God. It is a fatal mistake to ever substitute human-generated fire into the sanctuary service. And that is clearly a stark warning that human passion must be completely eliminated from our thinking as a means of achieving at-one-ment with God.

It is not that we must be free of all passion. Far from it – we were designed for passion. Passion is the fuel which causes us to grow and thrive and be more fully alive. But the tainted fuel of human passion that has been contaminated by selfishness and sin is so inferior and dangerous that to allow it to remain in our system to motivate our spiritual life will cause fatal meltdown when we encounter close proximity to the presence of the Almighty.

The altar also are the focal point for the issue of justice. A closer look at references to the altars reveal that justice was a key issue involved in the services that revolved around the altars. There was even provision for mercy – another aspect of justice – whenever a person was being pursued for an accidental death by an avenger if the person being pursued ran to the altar and grabbed the horns of the altar. They were to receive instant protection by this act of claiming justice and they were to be given a fair hearing before anything else was decided.

In Revelation there are several references to the altar which have interesting insights related to justice. The “souls beneath the altar” cry out for justice for all the suffering and maltreatment they received on the earth. Later in Revelation 16 the altar itself cries out declaring that God Himself is just. This makes sense because all the demands for justice that have ever been made on earth are ultimately directed at God. The implication is that God is responsible for restoring everything to being right, fair and in balance again. At the same time there is always the implicit implication that God is not being fair or just because injustice still seems to be rampant. Sin is still wreaking havoc against the hearts and bodies of millions suffering injustice at the hands of others and people are supposing that God is not doing anything about it.

Revelation is the place where we find the story of how all of this will be resolved and justice will ultimately be maintained for all – but in God's ways, not the way we would choose to do it. Man's preferred methods of establishing justice is to impose revenge and serve out arbitrary pain and suffering in greater proportions than what was originally committed. But this only tends to further the weight of injustice in this world instead of making things right. The cycle of revenge through men's methods only accelerate the vicious cycle of sin and death. Throwing people in prison and treating them like animals for many years for some act they committed that crossed human-made rules is not justice; it is the amplification of injustice.

God makes it very clear that His ways are not our ways and that we must leave all vengeance up to Him and not take our own revenge. Our revenge only serves to cloud the issues and add to the problem, not resolve it. God views justice and fairness from a far better perspective that we can and He knows that when we finally get all the facts and can see all the motives laid out plainly that we will all agree without any coercion that He was really just and fair all along. But the real core issue involved is the reputation of God. This has been the issue from the very inception of sin in the mind of Lucifer and is the core problem to be finally resolved on the great day of God's judgment when everyone decides the verdict in God's trial.

The sanctuary plan is the parable-like model that reveals the way salvation works and God's method to fix the whole sin problem and recover the universe from this terrible cancer that has caused so much infection and doubts about God. Every detail of the sanctuary and its services are filled with rich significance that cannot be exhausted for it is the wisdom of God folded into a very compact container. So if we want to begin to grasp the way God plans to resolve the great controversy between Christ and Satan and save all who are willing to cooperate with His means of restoration, then we need to spend some time examining the illustration He has given in the sanctuary as the outline of our path back to wholeness and reality.

I want to spend a lot more time contemplating this link between the two altars for I believe it holds some important keys to unlocking more mysteries of the kingdom. I know that the Holy Spirit is ready to teach and mentor everyone who is willing to listen with a correctly aligned heart open to new ways of thinking. I sense that there is a lot here that I have never seen before and I look forward to unpacking this much more.

Cults and Leadership

I spent some time on the internet this morning researching some things about cults and specifically about one that I know about. I looked at a number of links from a very large collection put together by a self-proclaimed cult-exposer and even talked with him on the phone for a few minutes. As I browsed through the hundreds of names listed on his site I was surprised by the number of entries that he had listed – things like MLM groups and even ministries that I have heard nothing but good things about previously.

As I looked around on his and some related sites I was also surprised and even baffled for a few minutes by the proud display on the margin of one of them of an award for being so negative. I wondered that we have come to the point where we can be proud of our negativity. What does that tell others about us? And I also wondered just how much of this kind of atmosphere is reflected in many of the things that I say and write. I am aware that this is one of my great weaknesses and I am praying for grace and awareness to weed out more and more of my penchant for dwelling on the negative.

I thought about this more as I began to realize that I did not notice anything on these people's web pages that promoted anything positive or uplifting. It seemed only to be a collection of everything they could find wrong with everyone possible along the lines of their favorite soapbox subject. And while I realize that this was the reason for this particular web page I also sensed that focusing on all the bad things about others tends to reproduce those very same attributes in our own lives. I also noticed that “hard edge” in some of the comments and strong opinions that this person shared with me in our conversation on the phone. It was pretty clear to me that he had very little interest in hearing anything from me that might disagree with his opinions about the people he wrote about.

One thing that bothered me in his comments was his insistence that certain people were just intrinsically bad and, as he put it, were just wired to be evil. I cannot share that sentiment about anyone no matter how reprehensible their life and actions may have become. People are born with the image of God still to some degree intact in their hearts and most of the evil that they engage in throughout their life comes as a result of the evils committed against them in their early upbringing along with the progressive maturing of evil resulting from many of their own choices in life. Just as people can mature and grow as Christians, so too people mature and worsen in evil the longer they indulge in selfish desires and exploit others for their own pleasure.

One of the articles that I came across from this web site really resonated with me. It was written by an alumnus of Bob Jones University but could just as easily apply to any number of institutions or organizations that carry out similar practices and methods. It was very well written and I found it very sobering – a real wakeup call to return to the authentic teachings and example of the real Jesus instead of the polished, self-serving version of Jesus so popular in religion today.

One of the verses that he quoted in his post reminded me of what I have been learning in my study of Romans 14 over the past few weeks. As I thought it about it more I decided to look up this passage and review the context and message God may have for me there. I find that it is very rich with meaning and relevance to what God has been teaching me in Romans.

Matthew 20:25-28, Mark 10:42-45 and Luke 22:25-27 are all parallel passages that have a very important message to me about relationships and attitudes particularly in the body of Christ. They talk about the way that the world achieves order through control, force, intimidation and domination. This is the common method used in all relationships throughout the kingdom of Satan and the governments of men. But Jesus states unequivocally that in His kingdom this is not to be the way things happen. We must have the exact opposite attitude towards each other and to be great we must be the most devoted in service to others.

The bottom line problem that I have observed in all the dysfunction seen in religious groups whether they be cults or mainline churches is this penchant for domination and control by the leaders. It is a fierce temptation that seems to take down many aspiring leaders that try to start up a new movement of genuine Christ-followers. And the more they use intimidation and control of others to manage their image and produce good appearances for their organization, the more the reputation of God is blasphemed and the hearts of millions of followers are wounded.

In Romans 14 I am learning that the real problem behind judging and viewing others with contempt occurs when I fail to stay true to this command of Jesus to watch the condition of my spirit. And it is not so much a command by Jesus but really more of a description of what those will look like who accept His transformational work in their hearts and lives. Instead of working very hard to produce similar results to that described in the early church of Acts, if we allow the spirit of humility and love to permeate our hearts and emotions we will see a spontaneous outbreak of true primitive godliness in its natural form.

Something very important about this has come to me recently in my study of Romans 14. I noticed that the problem arises when we begin acting like a lord in someone else's life instead of treating them respectfully and with love like a good sibling. As soon as we begin to lord it over someone with judgment and contempt we run counter to this clear teaching of Jesus to achieve greatness through humility and service to one another. This is the core problem that I believe derails every cult gone awry and is the problem underlying the weakness of all Christian churches today to really be effective in changing the world around them.

And He said to them, "The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who have authority over them are called 'Benefactors.' "But it is not this way with you, but the one who is the greatest among you must become like the youngest, and the leader like the servant. (Luke 22:25-26)

Funerals and What Comes After

Yesterday I had off work as my boss and I both needed to attend a funeral. It was for one of the men in the Barbershop Chorus that we both belong to who had died unexpectedly and the chorus was singing for his funeral in a nearby town. This man and his wife had been very involved and dedicated to the activities of the chorus for many years and as to be expected it was a very somber occasion.

We sang three songs for the service which were very nice arrangements. The first was called Loving God, Loving Each Other which is a song I had not heard before I joined this chorus but which has become one of my favorites. They said that it was the favorite song of the man who had died as well. We then sang Farther Along and then sat down through the rest of the service until we sang The Lord's Prayer at the end. The arrangement for this last song was a very nice one and I was deeply moved by it.

There were not a lot of people at the service. I would say that there were a few more other people as the number of people who showed up for the chorus itself. I saw a side of the chorus that was interesting to me, a sense of deep loyalty and quiet camaraderie that they share as a group. Many of them took off work and drove many miles to sing for this event and that itself says a lot about how they feel about each other. I like this kind of group who care about each other in ways that almost seem rare in many places these days.

After the service we gathered outside and took this picture. It is the first time that I have had my own picture taken with this group as I have missed most of their public concerts so far. But even so I enjoy singing and practicing and associating with them just for the fellowship and getting to know more people in this region.

As I listened to the sermon during the funeral I was encouraged by the many Bible references that were shared. And even though the pastor did not share my knowledge of the sleep that people experience after death, the verses that he used reinforced that truth and reminded me of how much peace this fact can bring to those who are left grieving after a loved one's death. To realize that someone is not whisked away to either heaven or a supposed hell to live on in some other state of consciousness, but is oblivious to everything going on in this world until the resurrection brings a great deal of sense to life for those who grapple with the difficult questions that always arise after someone's passing.

As I have learned more and more about the bigger picture, the context in which all of our events take shape, I realize again how human-centered most religion has made our perspective and how important it is to see things from the true and broader perspective of heaven for them to really make sense. For to think that the resurrection will require people who have already lived in heaven for many years to somehow return and move back into an earthly body so that they can then be resurrected simply makes no sense whatsoever. But the Bible is very clear that there is going to be a resurrection of both the righteous and the wicked and then the judgment will take place.

So much of popular religious doctrine seems to imply that there is no specific day of judgment. They may talk about it that way but it seems that it must be a different day for everyone because it is often implied that it takes place just after someone dies. But this simply does not align well at all with the rest of the events that are clearly prophesied in Scripture and the whole thing does not fit well together as taught by most Christian churches.

But when the truth as understood by a correct reading of the Bible is seen it all makes a great deal of sense and brings peace and comfort to those who wonder what has happened to their loved ones. Those who die fall asleep just as Jesus described because the judgment is not finished yet. God does know each person's heart at their point of death and knows if they are safe to save in heaven or not. This allows Him to know who will hear the voice of Jesus when He returns again as promised to this earth the second time to gather all the ones who have responded positively to His plan of redemption. Those who have chosen to depend on themselves or others as their source for hope and life will simply not be able in death to hear the voice of Jesus at this time. But even at the Second Coming of Jesus the Judgment still will not occur in the final way that is yet in the future. This is only a transition event in the grand trial that centers around the Judgment of God Himself that is at the core of the real issue going on in the Great Controversy of the universe.

So I find it very encouraging that nearly everyone who has died is still unconscious in their graves waiting for the time when they will be raised up to complete the process that they have chosen to start while living here on this earth. Yes, there are a few who have already experienced resurrection ahead of time as symbols and representatives of those who at last will join them in heaven. But the vast majority are sleeping until either Jesus comes the second time or when He returns the third time after a thousand years of preparation with the saved in heaven. At that time the final day of judgment – of full revelation – will take place that will completely vindicate God in the hearts and minds of every intelligent being that ever existed in the history of the universe.

The big picture centers around God and His vindication in the judgment far more than it has to to with our going to heaven or to some place called hell. The real issue to be resolved in this great war, this conflict between the diabolical accuser of the brethren and the Creator of the universe is whether God is fair, is just, is right and whether His form of government can really work or whether Satan's inventions of force and fear must be employed to bring about unity through conformity.

So in this broader view of the background, it is comforting to know that we are not being watched, analyzed or second-guessed by our deceased loved ones somewhere or wondering if they are suffering the agonies imposed on them by an angry God (who is really the invention of His worst enemy in our minds). God is keeping all those who have died in safe protection in their graves until the right time and then the end of all sin and suffering will be accomplished.

Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? (1 Corinthians 15:51-55 KJV)

A Troubling Truth about Forgiveness

Forgiveness is something that has changed color quite dramatically for me in the past few years, especially after I learned what it really meant and involved. Letting go of many of the false preconceptions generally believed about this concept and embracing the real truth about forgiveness also involves facing a troubling aspect that was never seen before.

I usually find it helpful for context to explain some of the old ideas commonly held about forgiveness that I now realize are not accurate. I suspect that stopping nearly anyone on the street and asking them what they think forgiveness means would produce some of the following ideas.

Forgiveness is forgetting about what someone has done to hurt us.

Forgiveness is letting someone off the hook who deserves to be punished. (But if the heart is consulted about this option it will usually be discovered that a great deal of resentment is harbored as a result.)

Forgiveness is pretending that we were not hurt by someone when in reality we still feel the pain, we are just trying very hard to suppress it in the name of Christianity, or whatever other ideal we may hold.

Forgiveness is trying to ignore the pain that an offense has caused us because someone insisted that we had to forgive. This is not really successful but we sometimes think it is if we can repress our pain so effectively that we don't notice it anymore.

There are many more subtle definitions of forgiveness that I suspect could be uncovered if people were interviewed about this, but what I have realized is that none of these things is real forgiveness the way it must take place for effective and long-term healing to occur. (Not noticing our pain after lengthy repression is not healing.) And if the heart could be interviewed about any of these commonly held beliefs about forgiveness I think it would be quite dissatisfied with most all of them. But since it is the intellectual part of our brain that commonly steps in to answer these questions based on what it thinks is the “correct” answer, the heart is seldom heard on this issue. It is usually suppressed both internally and by society around us in an effort to comply with the demands that we mistakenly believe forgiveness requires of us.

A few years ago I watched a video by a Christian pastor/counselor who illustrated true forgiveness in a story he told about a couple he was working with who had very intense problems in their marriage. As is often the case, the story was far more effective at conveying the real meaning of the word much more than simply an intellectual explanation of what it means. But I have also found it helpful for the kind of thinking I like to do to condense the principles uncovered in the story to words that explicitly lay out what it means. Maybe that is because my right brain relates better to the story with its emotions and drama, and my left brain relates better to logical explanations that correlate to the reasons the story is so effective. With both sides of my brain tracking in the same direction, maybe I then feel more balanced and congruent.

Even as I am writing this, part of my brain resists the need to tell the story as I remember it because it would take so much time and effort to write it out in length. But another part of my brain says that if I don't I am a hypocrite after all that I have just stated about the importance of stories conveying the meaning far more effectively. So to avoid contributing to undermining my integrity with hypocrisy I better take the time and effort to go ahead and relate the story before I go on.

As I remember it, this couple was on their last attempt to possibly patch their marriage back together even though the wife was quite certain there was no hope. The husband had had an affair while away from home on business and the marriage had been in turmoil, separation and pain ever since. (I am sure I am leaving out many important details, but it has been awhile since I heard the story myself.)

The wife related that her family had been Irish Catholics for many generations and no one in their family had forgiven anyone for generations. Evidently it was just not something they ever did in their family. As they sat there in the pastor's office locked in their pain and memories and emotions, the solution to reconciliation seemed impossible.

The pastor turned to the wife and asked, “How much money could your husband give you to take away the pain he has caused you?”

The wife was shocked and almost angered by this question. She looked at him in unbelief and exclaimed, “There is not enough money in the whole world that would effectively take away the pain that I feel inside from what he has done to me!”

The two people sat facing each other in front of the desk but they could not look at each other's eyes. The husband was numb in his emotions and just sat staring at the floor. He could not feel repentance like what might be expected of him even though he regretted what he had done. He really did not know what to do or where to turn at this point. The wife sat across from him pondering the dilemma they were in and the implications raised by the question that the pastor had asked.

As she began to see more clearly what the real situation was and her husband's complete inability to remove the pain that she felt inside, it began to become clear to her what her real option was. She made a decision and looked up as she said, “There is nothing that he can ever do to eliminate or remove all the pain and suffering that he has caused me. So I choose to accept full responsibility for all this pain that I feel and I do not hold it against him any longer. I accept the pain as my own.”

In that moment her husband looked up at her with a look of shock and amazement and instantly burst into tears and lunged into her arms. The two embraced for a long time crying onto each other's shoulders and allowing their hearts to once again engage with each other in what was the real experience of forgiveness.

As I listened to this intensely emotional story for the first time, and in fact each time I hear it, I was struck with the amazing truth of what forgiveness really means. But the implications of this truth resonate far beyond this story. When I take the principles revealed in this story and apply them to not only my own relationships with others but to God Himself, I am amazed at all the implications and insights that suddenly burst into the open about the whole plan of salvation and what is really going on with the Great War between Christ and Satan. I begin to get a much clearer view of how God goes about winning this war and the relationship that He has toward everyone who has offended or spurned His love for them.

But as I thought about it over the past few years since hearing this story, another aspect of this suddenly struck me as very troubling. I believe if we view forgiveness in this new light that we will be forced to rethink very seriously the flippant or mindless ways in which we often relate to forgiveness or the ways in which we try to force our children to ask for forgiveness.

Think about it seriously with me here. Forgiveness means that the only way I can become free of the pain of an offense is to take full ownership of my pain and release everyone else. I also have to let go of all desire on my part for vengeance or retribution, even at the heart level. When I come to realize that the offending party is completely incapable of bringing healing to my damaged heart by anything they can do, say or experience, then I can choose to stop holding them hostage by my bitterness toward them and release them to be responsible to God in their own relationship to Him. I will accept that the pain I feel is resident within my own heart and no longer try to link it to the one who incurred it to begin with. And after I release believing that they can fix me, either directly or through their being punished, I can then be ready to find healing and release in my own soul and spirit.

If I am not willing to take this act of intentional forgiveness and release in its true form, then I will continue to harbor either an open or a secret desire that somehow, sometime that person will experience pain that will force them to know what they have done to me. We mistakenly believe that we will somehow feel “healing” satisfaction in seeing others suffer who have hurt us and thus we will somehow become freed of our own pain. But this is an illusion, a lie that is so deeply rooted in the human psyche that we mostly assume it must be true. But it is really part of the deception of sin that has infected our thinking since the fall of the human race into sin.

This belief in the need for revenge or punishment, to make others feel the same or worse pain than we feel, lies at the root of much of our reasoning and even under girds much of our mistaken theology about how God is going to resolve the problem of sin. It is pervasive in many of our suppositions about justice and is the foundation of most of our legal apparatus and system of punishments. But nevertheless, it is still a false presumption and keeps us locked in a cycle of pain and dysfunction that takes us lower and lower as we get farther away from the ways of God.

Because of these assumptions about crime and punishment that pervade most of our thinking, our notions of forgiveness parallel that false line of reasoning. If an offense must have a punishment as we normally assume it does, then forgiveness must mean escaping deserved punishment and thereby getting away with an offense while leaving someone else holding the bag of pain and consequences. But all of this is reasoning based on the kingdom of darkness and upon which all the kingdoms of the world are founded.

Understanding real forgiveness, like so many other aspects of true reality, requires a complete and radical rethinking of all of the aspects of reality and truth. But that is more than I have time or space for right now but is something that I am continually seeking to understand better. At this point I would like to explain the other side of forgiveness that should change the way we think about it from a different perspective.

It is one thing to accept the true meaning of forgiveness – accepting full responsibility for the pain someone has caused me and releasing them from being our hostage. This allows me to then turn my pain over to God and in turn receive His forgiveness, peace and joy in my heart in place of the former pain. (see Matt. 6:12) But what about when I ask for someone else's forgiveness? In light of a clearer understanding of the real meaning of forgiveness, what am I really asking them to do for me? I know that for myself this new understanding has given me pause before glibly asking someone to forgive me. It is one thing to forgive someone else, as difficult as that may be. But what does it really mean for me to ask for someone else to forgive me?

It appears to me that what I am really asking the other person (or God) to do when I ask for forgiveness is for them to take full responsibility for all of the pain I have caused them and no longer hold me responsible for it. That sounds rather wrong in the way we typically view fairness and justice, but in the light of what I have learned I cannot avoid facing this fact. If this is what forgiveness really means – and I believe it is, for it is far more effective in resolving our relationship problems that the false notions about forgiveness ever accomplish – it makes me think much more seriously about what I am really asking a person to do when I ask for forgiveness. I hesistate to use these words so lightly as I often have in the past.

What complicates the problem is that while I may better understand what I am really asking someone to do for me when I ask them to forgive me, I also realize that quite likely they are hearing my request with the false ideas about forgiveness still firmly embedded in their own assumptions and so they will not understand what I am really asking for if I simply use the word forgiveness. But if I explicitly spell out what I am really asking them to do it becomes even more painful for both of us, because what I am asking for is generally considered highly unfair and unjust. It almost seems to be an affront to ask for someone's forgiveness in the light of a true understanding of the word; but on the other hand forgiveness is the only path to real reconciliation and healing for both parties.

It is a truth that forgiveness does not have to be asked for to be extended. Forgiveness can be refused but still be valid for the person forgiving. A request for forgiveness can be rebuffed and rejected as well, but the need to seek forgiveness is still no less important on the part of an offender. All of these aspects of forgiveness require further exploration and I want to do that. But for this time I simply wanted to expose some of the real issues involved in forgiveness and the implications involved in asking others to forgive us.

(part 2)

Growing Awareness of Judgment

We are staying for the weekend with one of our daughter's on the way to the memorial service for our recently lost daughter Julie tomorrow. This morning I felt compelled to write a couple pieces about judgment which has been a recurring occupation in my thoughts for the past few weeks. I have written several times about this but have not yet posted any of them. I am not sure how to arrange them to make sense but then I wonder if I am supposed to do that or simply lay them out as is. I think that when I do post them that I will likely place them on the Deeper Word blog site as a collection maybe rather than a series.

What I did find interesting was after writing and thinking about the issue of identity in judgment that the sermon we heard this morning was about the very same issue in many ways. Another one of those times when it looks suspiciously coordinated I think.

I am getting increased practice in refraining from engaging in counterfeit judgment so that real judgment can take place naturally. This is a paradigm shift for me that I feel like I am just starting to become more clearly aware of in my life. These truths about judgment are very different from what I am used to but I also believe that it is the kind of life that is far more effective for attracting others to the truth about God.

Searching for Identity

This morning I was wondering why so many things about identity have been coming to my attention over the past day or so. Last night I attended a youth-oriented Bible study group for the second time where we discussed the story of David and Goliath. I really enjoy the spirit of these young people who are hungry for God and for getting into the Word. That is truly refreshing for me. As we read the story what jumped out at me was how intense and deliberate were many verses in addressing the issue of identity, especially concerning David. Almost everyone around him was trying to put him down, shame him and belittle his identity until after he took out Goliath. Then suddenly he was someone to take notice of. But even then his identity was tied to what he had apparently accomplished and he was considered a hero because of his actions, not because of what was on the inside.

This morning both of my devotional books presented thoughts that had to do with identity. The first talked about our need to embrace our uniqueness and not allow ourselves to be squeezed into the mold of others in the expression of our unique gifts and talents. This reminded me of something that was part of a dream last night just before I woke up. It seemed for a brief moment that some spiritually mature person that I admired offered me the chance to spend time with them and be mentored. My heart jumped at the chance with great enthusiasm and I was very disappointed when I realized it was only a dream. But then I began to question, how does mentoring develop uniqueness? Isn't that somewhat the opposite in some ways? Unless the person mentoring is more keen to bring out your uniqueness instead of trying to clone you in their own image.

The second devotional book talked about the problem of Laodicea being blinded to their true condition of wretchedness. They think they are rich, fat and happy when inside they are really the opposite. That is so much the description of our churches today that it is frightening. And I also realize that I am included in that problem though it is always difficult to see it the closer to one's self we look.

Then I remembered the likely reason why all of these thoughts about identity are coalescing so close together. I recently asked God to show me much more plainly what my true identity is in heaven's eyes, from God's viewpoint. He is simply beginning to answer my prayer. That is great. I really feel blessed when I realize just a little how much God cares about me by noticing and responding to my requests like this. But I am sure this is just the bare beginning.

My heart questions whether I should even share these thoughts in public posts as I am usually prone to do. It is like sharing private conversations with an intimate friend by immediately publishing them for the rest of the uncaring world to gawk at. In a strong sense that feels like a betrayal of the intimacy of my friendship and many times I wonder about the appropriateness of many of my posts. I remember something I read from Oswald Chambers that warned against sharing with others the intimate conversations we have with God. On the other hand I also wonder what Jesus meant when He said that what we hear from Him in the secret chambers we should publish on the housetop. (Matt. 10:27) I have never had a satisfactory explanation for that passage.

I sense that part of the process of coming into awareness of my true identity implanted in me at conception by God must include the unmasking of all the false ideas of my identity wrapped around my heart and mind like many layers applied by many people throughout my life. These are often rooted in deeply hidden lie-based beliefs about myself implanted at different times and accepted by me as being true about me because they came from people representing God to me in some way. All of us struggle with this problem and I seem to have a heavy maze of these issues that keeps me staring through fuzzy glasses trying to see what is real. They are like layers of cobwebs sticking to the lenses in front of my perceptions distorting both the picture of God and my perceptions of who I am. I need release from these confusing distortions so that I can more clearly reflect the true image of God to others who also need their lenses liberated.

Now that I think of it, this is the primary issue being addressed in Romans 12:1, 2 where I am returning to pick up my previous journey through the book of Romans on my other blog. I always liked the Phillips translation – Don't let the world squeeze you into its mold. That is so descriptive of the constant pressure that we all experience throughout all of our lives, to be squeezed into the ideals of those around us instead of discovering what God has designed already inside of our hearts. The renewal of our minds spoken of in this text I believe at least partly involves the liberation of our hearts from the tyranny of our intellectual minds sometimes. It also means becoming freed from the many emotional escape addictions that we employ to cover up the pain that we are afraid to face deep in our memories.

As I allow my mind to drift around my surroundings to see what I often use to describe or support my usual perceptions of my identity, I notice many things that I realize are props that are typically used to define who I am, both to myself and/or to others. What my house looks like is a factor in what people think about me and what I think about myself. The many books that line the shelves and fill the boxes in my house are also indicators of the kind of person I am perceived to be. The food that I choose to eat is often a big factor in how I am perceived. The various musical instruments in my home speak of a previous time in my life when music was a much larger part of my passion. When I was a teenager I couldn't imagine a future that was not predominantly filled with activities revolving around music. How very different my actual life ended up working out from what I had imagined and hoped.

I remember when I was much younger how much my looks and clothes were considered an important part of defining who I really was. Now I am doing good to just look presentable as my value-basis has changed over the years. I don't put much stock into outward appearances nearly as much as most people do when they are young which puts me at odds with those who still insist on such measurements of worth or identity. The way my children act and my relationship with my wife is often a measurement of who I am perceived to be. That is oftentimes a source of pain or shame as I see all the ways I have failed to be the father and husband that they needed.

I think of the many prejudices that are used to define identity. Fortunately I was raised by parents who intentionally tried to teach me that racial prejudices were not something to subscribe to as accurate measurements of identity, though on occasions some of my Dad's prejudices sometimes flashed through in a comment or two. I came to realize that there was a difference between the color of a person's skin and the results of the culture they grew up in and that people need to be allowed the freedom to reveal their own personality apart from preconceptions based on their looks. But I also find the same problems when I sense that my own appearance many times may negatively influence other people's opinions of me before they allow time to get to know my real, inner self better.

I recently have pondered my own inner dissonance between how I perceive myself, the person I think I am acquainted with internally, and the person that stares back at me from a mirror. For some strange reason the person that claims to be me that I see in a mirror does not look anything at all like the person that I am so sure I know on the inside. I am almost frightened and intimidated many times by the looks and features of the person looking back at me and hold out little hope of ever being able to get that person to look like what I feel. And yet I argue repeatedly with my children and wife who insist that I really am the intimidating person that is seen in the mirror and that I need to change the way I look and speak so I do frighten people away so easily. That is another ongoing issue that is always affecting my pursuit of finding my real identity.

One thing that has emerged lately that creates mixed feelings about my identity is my recent and growing obsession with writing. I have found it recently an effective outlet for my inner feelings and ideas that I have never accessed very much before and it has at times almost turned into an overwhelming flood of inner feelings and ideas clamoring to get out for recognition. This sense of relief for the inner pressure that has built up for many years has been tainted by my uneasiness of the realization that this is something I do very much alone. It is not helping me connect in a community of fellow traveler's sharing my journey and as a result I do not feel any bonding going on which should be an important part of real expression. Because people can read my posts and remain distant and unresponsive so easily I still feel very isolated and even vulnerable many times. There is the gnawing fear lurking in the shadows that someday all of the things I have so freely expressed and shared from the sensitive places of my heart will be used viciously against me in some other context. And my heart also wonders at the distress of the disconnectedness of the whole arrangement. But then I realize that many other people likely feel the same frustrations, not only with the internet but even in writing books or articles for magazines. They may have a much wider audience but the feed-back mechanisms that cultivate true community and bonded relationships are still largely missing.

Beyond that I struggle with how much my mind is using other's perceptions of what I write (or my assumptions about what their perceptions might be) to create my own sense of identity and value. Our culture has often places greater value on those who can write eloquently and attract larger and more appreciative audiences. This has been another means of creating a false sense of heightened value for many apart from their true worth in God's eyes that can be a hindrance to sensing their true value and identity. How much am I being affected by this distortion? On the other hand, how much of my writing is a means for me of encouraging my process of discovering my true identity in God? I sense many times that in the midst of writing things down as they come to my mind that it makes way for many more insights that sometimes almost seem like a gusher that I can hardly record fast enough. That does not mean they are all divinely inspired – there are plenty of prolific writers around who are clearly inspired but often by more spirits than that which comes from God. But it does seem many times that I sense the promptings of the sweet Spirit of God trying to reveal to me new and exciting things as I immerse myself in His Word. This does not really have to be a method to directly create value and identity for me but a way to discover God's true identity through which I will better find my own.

Another question that arises around this particular topic as I ponder it is how to deal with the lack of interaction in my choice to post my inner thoughts and feelings on the internet. Is it in some ways a good thing that I don't hear much from any readers? Sometimes I suspect that if I knew the nature and interests of those who might be reading my posts that over time my writing my evolve into a direction of trying to be targeted toward the readers instead of being simple, unaffected expressions of what is inside of me. Sometimes I wonder if God shields me from knowing what effect my writings have (if any) on others so that I will not become contaminated with false pride or self-conceit or conversely fear and intimidation. That is a very real possibility. (I can think of at least one or two people that I would be afraid to have them see my writings) I know that already too often in the midst of writing something that the way I word things at times is framed in the context of thinking about someone who may end up reading it and what I think they might need to hear. But I try to contain myself within the context of just a dialog between my own heart and God and not allow myself to indulge in writing as a means of convincing or admonishing others of what I think they should hear. But would the pressure increase in that direction if I knew that many people were really interested in what I have to say and were actively responding to what I have written? I direct these questions to God who knows my heart much better than I do and I believe wants to guide me in the best way to discover my true identity and feel my true worth as He feels about me more importantly than what anyone else thinks.

Perception of identity is also strongly linked with what we do for work as well as the efficiency or tension that we have in our relationships with others. Since I have not had much work to support myself for some time now that has been an increasing pressure to distort my sense of value in my own eyes and others around me. My many difficulties in having healthy, love-bonded relationships with others is also a constant source of distortion to properly perceiving the true identity that is so camouflaged inside of me. And of course what other people think and say about me has far too easy access to my heart that often greatly distresses and confuses me about my true value, worth and real identity. I have been trained since earliest years to discount compliments as flattery that is dangerous to my soul and have also been very defensive and sensitive to attacks and accusations against me by those who want me to be seen as a danger to others and one who is not safe to get very close to.

All of these things are mingled together – and many more that I cannot think of right now – to create the artificial image of the person that I perceive myself, or others perceive me to be. But very little of this mix, I suspect, comes from God's thoughts about me, His perceptions of who I really am and the real personality and character that He hard-wired into my DNA (or wherever it resides) from before I was ever thought of by others. But God's original plan for my identity, although it is so masked and camouflaged by all the false ideas and feelings that seem so much more real to me, is the identity that I am becoming more and more hungry to discover and engage.

Not yet knowing what that true identity is I feel like I am looking for someone that is currently a complete stranger to me. But I also sense that when I begin to get acquainted with that stranger that something inside of me will begin to resonate with excitement and recognition that this is indeed the real me and I will be overwhelmed with excitement and emotion as I begin to grow into the true image that God pre-planned for me to thrive in as I reflect His own beauty and perfection.

Another important part of this discovery process came to my attention a few minutes ago as I was pondering all of this. There are many programs and gimmicks in the world purporting to help people “find themselves” or some such variation on that theme. I do not want to discount the deep hunger that all of us have in our desire to do this that feeds the proliferation of all of these ideas and programs. This hunger really reflects an important aspect of the real plan of salvation that God has put in place for all of us. Salvation really means a healing, a restoration process whereby we can be restored to the true image of God that we were each designed to reflect. The closer we come to engaging in our true destiny as pre-designed by God the more satisfaction and joy we will experience in our hearts. This is one of the main purposes for Jesus sending the Holy Spirit to us.

But the most important aspect of discovering ourselves, myself, is to not miss the most important ingredient of all – discovering who God really is and how He feels about me. This is not just a disconnected religious notion but is the most fundamental basis for our existence and self-awareness. To the extent that our perceptions of God are warped and skewed will be our inability to properly discover the real truth about our own identity and feel secure in our infinite worth to Him. Because we are designed to only be reflectors, our beliefs about God will pretty much parallel our beliefs about ourselves.

My perception about my own worth and identity will always be distorted to the extent that my perceptions about God are distorted. Satan, the greatest accuser of God ever known, has filled our minds and hearts will lies about Him that have grotesquely distorted God's image in our minds to actually look more like Satan's image than like the truth about what God is really like in many ways. As a mirror of my perceptions of what God is like I will inevitably project to others and to my own inner image the beliefs that I carry about how God thinks about me, how much He values or scorns me, how much anger or love He has toward me, how much He cherishes or shames me, etc.

By the same token, my perceptions about my own identity that are determined by other people's opinions about me will also be contaminated by their skewed and distorted perceptions about God and my feelings will be confused not only from my own mis-perceptions about God but also by other's. I not only have to contend with my own life-long struggle to discover the real truth about God but also have to be aware when other's false ideas about Him are re-infecting my heart with lies that I am working to become free from myself.

I think that possibly many people involved in religion assume that we will not find our true identity until Jesus returns and we can find it in heaven. That sounds very discouraging and I don't buy that notion completely at least. I do find from my study of the Bible that we likely will not experience our full potential that we were created to enjoy until the final day of revelation at the end of the millenium. But I believe it is very much God's purpose and desire for us to immediately begin to enter into and bring out in the open the true identity that He created us to be right now and as quickly as possible shed off the false ideas about ourselves that have defined us for all of our life up to this point.

I have been learning some very important things lately about the true nature of judgment. In essence, one of the most important things I have learned is that real judgment is the reactions of people when exposed to the presence of God and they are confronted with the truth about what He is really like. The one question that is predominant in judgment is, “Who do you say that I am?” This may take many forms but the essence of the question is always the same. What do we really believe God is like – deep in our hearts, not so much our intellectual theological pronouncements?

Judgment is not something imposed on people but is induced from people as they reveal the true beliefs of their hearts about what God is like. That is always reflective of their perceptions of what constitutes reality. Judgment always produces separation and discernment between those who reveal from their deepest heart some level of trust in the real goodness of God and those who choose to cling to their dark opinions about God's nature and reject the love and kindness that is necessary to lead them to repentance. In judging God – which is really what judgment is all about – they judge themselves and expose what they have come to believe is their true identity. Because our own sense of identity is inevitably linked to our perception of God's identity (because we are really only mirrors by nature) what we come to believe about God will be reflected in what we ultimately believe about ourselves. Those who are ultimately lost will be those who insist on rejecting the beauty and loveliness and the ever-lasting nature of the mercy of God in favor of beliefs that He is sometimes angry, vengeful and arbitrary. We will all in essence get the effects of the God we believe in at the deepest levels of our hearts whether it is true or not. That picture of God may not be the same as the one we mentally profess to follow, but judgment reveals the thoughts and intents of the heart far more explicitly than the assumptions of the intellect.

Those who choose to go beforehand to judgment may be those spoken of the this text. The sins of some men are quite evident, going before them to judgment; for others, their sins follow after. (1 Timothy 5:24) If in our desire to find our true identity we are willing to allow our sins to become evident, we can then bring them to Jesus and receive the healing that we need and the heart-truth implants that will replace the lies we have lived by for so long. When we do this ahead of time, before the final times of judgment, then when the days of exposure come upon us we will not be vulnerable to fear and collapse like those who's sins are suppressed and follow (chase) after them. The more I study and contemplate these things the more clearly I see how they are all inter-related.

Jesus, please bring me into judgment early and show me the lies that I still believe are true, the lies about you and about myself that have been a part of my emotional makeup since before my birth. Continue to reveal to me the value and identity that You see when You think about me. Grow me into a more accurate reflection of Your own perfect beauty and integrity and maturity. Show me much more about Yourself so that I can know much more about myself and become a more efficient channel of Your light and grace to others.