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Father, expose and detach the false gods in my soul and heart. Cause me to truly believe that you are the only source of life for me and cause me to remain in your life-giving presence. I choose to allow you to unlock the hidden areas of my mind, heart and memories and look inside and expose every lie with your warm light. Thank-you for protecting me from yourself by shielding me initially from the full revelation of your passion for me that would traumatize and immobilize me and create yet another lie in me about you.
I invite you Jesus to make my body and mind and emotions your place to settle down and make yourself at home. Go ahead and sort through anything you want. Throw out the trash, expose the false sources of pleasure and pain that I depend on to get me through every situation and need that arises. Show me my emptiness and hollowness. Melt the frozen ice sculptures that remain locked in my dark freezer, those faces of intimidation, abuse, anger, pride and bitterness still frozen in place in my sub-consciousness that trigger my reactions yet today. I have tried for years to scrap away those frozen faces of fear, shame, abuse and pride but I usually only manage to make my fingers cold and suffer more pain trying to scrap away the deep engravings frozen in my memories.
It is starting to dawn on me that no one can scrap away or pry loose the evil faces of ice staring out the windows of my frozen soul, even if they manage to unlock the freezer door and get inside for a few minutes. What I need more than anything else is heat. Of course, too much heat too soon would damage my frozen fingers and toes so God has been careful and patient with me. But I must have warmth soon or the cold itself will destroy even more of my capacity for being fully alive.
Jesus, I give you permission right now to pull the power supply off my freezer, to remove the locks and even the doors and bring in the halogen lights to the inner recesses of my mind and heart. It will be ugly and messy for awhile as the faces melt in grotesque nightmares of fear. But don't remove the light of your face for a moment or I will be overcome with terror.
One of your favorite names is Immanuel – God is with us. I understand that according to the way you wired us, my nervous system experiences JOY as the feeling I experience when someone is genuinely glad to be with me in my present feelings and emotions, that I am the sparkle in someone's eyes, that something about me causes their heart to leap for joy and their face to light up and their spirit to sing. That sound overwhelmingly wonderful but seems ridiculously unreal.
I have heard rumors about you that you feel that way about me. But most of what I have been taught and experienced has been the opposite. Just look at all the frozen faces and statues in my hall of fame. God, it's been a very long, cold and bitter winter that reminds me of the winter of Narnia. But even as I write these words there are melting drops condensing down my cheeks. I believe that spring is coming soon and the Son is beginning to warm up and break through the thick clouds.
