Random Blog Clay Feet: July 18, 2007
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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Breaking the spirit

Part of today's reading from My Utmost.

It is possibly an emancipation to the other person if he does not obey. If one man says to another—‘You must,’ and ‘You shall,’ he breaks the human spirit and unfits it for God. A man is a slave for obeying unless behind his obedience there is a recognition of a holy God. Many a soul begins to come to God when he flings off being religious, because there is only one Master of the human heart, and that is not religion but Jesus Christ. But woe be to me if when I see Him I say—‘I will not.’ He will never insist that I do, but I have begun to sign the death-warrant of the Son of God in my soul. When I stand face to face with Jesus Christ and say—‘I will not,’ He will never insist; but I am backing away from the re-creating power of His Redemption. It is a matter of indifference to God’s grace how abominable I am if I come to the light; but woe be to me if I refuse the light (see John 3:19-21). MUHH 7/18

This is a startling description of how I remember my own life in many ways. I was told “you must,” and “you will” for many years by many different authorities and my resistance to that produced a spirit of rebellion in me that still has deep roots. I can certainly affirm that this kind of “training” is designed to break the human spirit and definitely unfits it for God. It creates a slave mentality toward God and causes the mind to view God as a stern task-master looking for reasons to punish. I have spent years trying to fling off being religious and I have sometimes found it to be very necessary in my process of coming to God. At the same time I have attempted to not abandon the church completely while struggling to come to terms with reality. I am coming to learn about the true God who works at the heart level and is the only One worthy of entrusting my heart to fully. As my picture of Him slowly changes my trust increases and my love begins to awaken.

Although I cannot honestly say that there have not been numerous times I have said “I will not” to the Holy Spirit, I have tried to keep my heart open to His leading and responsive to His drawing. I am learning that knowing God requires that I develop greater sensitivity and carefulness to not resist but to more instantly obey.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV) Leaning on my own understanding means that I want to know all the reasons why first so that I can decide to obey and have logical reasons for what I do. While there are good reasons for everything God asks me to do, if I insist on knowing the reasons first before obeying I place myself on very dangerous ground. It is like a young child wanting to know why he should leave the middle of the street before obeying.

But there seems to be a tension between these two things. How does one not break the human spirit and make it unfit for God while at the same time training the mind for implicit obedience? The two must not be contradictory but they seem to be at first glance.

Anyone wise have some comments?