Random Blog Clay Feet: October 01, 2006
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Sunday, October 01, 2006

I am Afraid Because...

Maybe I am afraid to say very much in this group...

Afraid I will be prodded so much I will lock into depressive resistance.

Afraid that some who thought I have wise counsel will change their mind and all the things I have been learning and sharing will be discredited.

Afraid that I will not get to the root lies and find true release – once again.

Afraid that what I say will be used against me either here or outside the group.

Afraid that, as usual, my mind will disconnect and shut down my deepest emotions and pain and block out access to my deeper pain and issues.

Afraid that others will try to oversimplify my problems in an attempt for a quick solution.

Afraid I will not be understood.

Afraid I will create resentment in someone's mind for being so self-focused.

Afraid I will feel guilty for telling things that I later regret.

Afraid no one will care about me deeply and openly.

Afraid someone will show me affection even though I often crave it.

Afraid that most men cannot understand some things about me as well as some women can.

Afraid I will be censured and condemned for feeling that way.

Afraid there won't be enough time to finish processing and healing.

Afraid God won't show up as dramatically as I wish He would.

Afraid of showing too much emotion in public.

Afraid of losing control of my environment and composure.

Afraid that no one will have the maturity, wisdom and compassion to take me all the way to the real source of these fears so I can face them squarely and come away freed.

Afraid that after this session that those who are here for me now will be too busy or distracted or annoyed to continue this open, honest bonding.

Afraid that after I make myself vulnerable that others will refuse to be vulnerable equally and then I will feel exposed with much shame and regret.

Afraid that I will still be stuck and paralyzed in attempts at deepening my marriage.

Afraid that I will never be able to be close and open at the heart level with my biological children and they with me.