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The cause and effect of relationships determines the stability and durability of our relationships. For instance, if I form an intimate relationship with a woman based primarily on her beauty, obviously the relationship is in jeopardy when age begins to take its toll or even when she looks scruffy and unkempt. Or if my relationship with someone is based on their kind ways or sweetness or their brilliance, when those characteristics come up missing then our relationship may easily become unstable and rocky.
On the surface this all seems very plain and obvious, but it also seems to be very subtle and overlooked on the experiential level. It seems we have a very hard time being honest enough with ourselves to admit our true motives, probably for fear of the shame we would feel if we were to admit the truth. The fruit betrays the root. This may be the easiest access to begin uncovering my true motives. Of course if I don't want to know my true motives because I have no good alternative to replace them, then likely I will use any maneuver to avoid going there.
When my relationship with someone is marked by sudden disconnects or ugly feelings and I entertain thoughts of reducing my involvement in the relationship to reduce or avoid my pain, that is a sure sign that to some degree this relationship is based on externals. I say externals not just in the sense of physical but anything outside of a connection between our true hearts. Externals are great additions to sweeten and enhance the pleasure of relationships. But if the relationship foundation itself is not composed of selfless caring for the other person's heart it is in constant danger of crumbling and failure. Remember the house on the sand?
Most of us enter into relationships based on externals. This may be unavoidable and maybe even guided many times by heavenly influence. The problem lies in not investing the time and effort to mix cement into the initial sand, water it and form it up deep so it can harden into a reliable foundation that can withstand the storms that inevitably will strike. 1 Corinthians 13 may be a good description of what a good solid foundation looks like. But I am curious. What is cement? What is water? What is sand?
