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That might possible account for some of my malaise since I don't seem to enjoy the highly elevated level of satisfaction for what is already finished that I thought would materialize. I thought that maybe its because I'm not completely finished yet, but now I doubt that. More likely it has to do with the fact that satisfaction is much more connected to relationships than it is to projects.
Another explanation that occurred to me after I woke up and 4:30 this morning with no chance of returning to sleep, was an idea having to do with spiritual detox symptoms. Is it possible that listening to all these sermons lately that have stimulated, challenged and disturbed my settled condition over the past couple weeks has created effects in my spirit similar to the physical effects of herbal detox in the body. These symptoms often elicit opposite conclusions from observers of this condition. Some say that the debilitation experienced while experiencing detox is due to negative effects from the treatment and recommend stopping and returning to a “normal” lifestyle to feel better again. Others would view these symptoms as encouraging signs of progress to be endured with the promise of better health and clearer mind soon to be enjoyed more than before.
Is it possible that listening to these spiritual things is stimulating and stirring up spiritual garbage in my system that needs to be flushed out? Or is it possible that my mind is being confused and even deceived by compelling false theories from sources outside my denomination and culture as my mind typically tends to suggest? One who is deceived does not realize they are being deceived and so cannot depend on his own mind to detect it.
It is always suggested that one should pray and test everything by the Word of God. But it is also implied that one's interpretation of that Word should not disagree with your own denomination's traditional views. But that too has elements that can make one ripe for deception. Depending on what denomination you currently subscribe to will determine the result of your questions. No denomination has a corner on truth, though almost all emphatically claim they do.
My conviction is that I must follow God and His Word above any denomination or allegiance to any personality. I believe that – at least theoretically. But it still feels uncomfortable right now and raises many questions about the reliability and susceptibility of my own mind and heart. What about the danger of attending seminars presented by ministries of churches who don't accept “truth” as we view it? How much danger is there of imbibing false ideas and becoming deceived by submitting to ministry sessions in those environments? Many would insist that it is against God's will. Many would insist it was God's leading.
After a successful detox of the body a person typically feels much better and healthier than they have in a long time. The same may be true spiritually but there can also be a euphoria experienced in deception that comes from a sense of freedom and release. This is very strong and similar to the joy and freedom of true spiritual liberation. There is always disagreement about identifying the real deal. Many use denominational labels as the trusted factor to determine what's true. Others look for certain results as fool-proof indicators of true ministry.
I guess I have to trust God personally to finish what He started and expose deception whenever He choses. If I cannot trust denominational labels and I cannot trust my feelings and I'm not sure who to trust around me to be undeceived; about the only option left is to relax and ask God to have His way in me.
