Random Blog Clay Feet: August 04, 2008
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Monday, August 04, 2008


Forgiveness is related to debt – emotional debt. In fact, the very opposite of forgiveness is debt-collecting. This debt is directly linked to the internal heat produced by the accumulation of this debt. Debt is created when a wrong is committed against my spirit, a violation of my freedom, an incursion into my privacy without permission, the use of force or fear to compel me to satisfy someone else's selfish desires against my will, a trespass against me.

Debts are being created continuously. Just the very existence of corruption all around us induces a certain amount of debt within our spirit. The injustices committed within the context of our political justice system which violates our sensibilities of fairness and right creates an intense sense of outrage that creates more debt inside. Violations of my rights and disrespect for my person or dignity by anyone else can create debt inside of me. Even unintentional mistakes can be misunderstood and become cause for more debt by my suspicious heart.

The original meaning of debt from the Bible conveys the idea of someone chained to me, a person who owes me something that I emotionally drag around on the end of a chain until I feel their obligations to me are satisfied. It denotes something of a slavery mentality where I believe someone should feel like a slave to me because of the debt they incurred against me.

It is very helpful to understand the reality and the nature of internal debt if I am ever to understand how to become free again. This debt is mainly in the spirit realm of my life which intensely affects my emotional being. Depending on my personality and perspective and assumptions, some things may produce much more debt in me than the same thing might in someone else. Likewise, my emotional makeup also will affect how the internal pressure and the resultant heat will react when left inside.

This internal heat and pressure works exactly like the internal heat that creates a volcano. Scientist now understand that the way a volcano will act is greatly dependent on the type of material that composes the makeup of the mountain. Some volcanoes tend to run almost continuously and have destructive lava streams of molten rock flowing down their sides much of the time. Other volcanoes tend to keep it hidden inside, looking good on the outside like a lot of us try to do. But as we have seen a number of times with volcanoes, this kind of dealing with internal pressure can have very explosive and devastating results unexpectedly.

This approach to the problem can sometimes become a little simplistic when compared to volcanoes, however. We may tend to assume from this comparison that it would be better to let our angry emotions vent more often so as to avoid a giant explosion that could hurt far more people. And while that kind of reasoning may sound very plausible, it fails to address the real problem effectively. It only operates along the line of symptom management instead of effectively targeting the root causes of anger or whatever other types of outgrowth may come from this internal pressure.

And it is true that anger is not the only demonstration or symptom of internal, unresolved debts. It may be the most common one, but there are a number of other potential reactions to the buildup of pressure inside our souls from undealt with debts. Many times, much more than most people suspect, our bodies will become diseased in some way as a direct result of internalized debt. This has not only been proven by science but has been pointed out a number of times by people inspired by the Spirit of God.

Addictions are sometimes a symptom of the presence of debt. It is true that addictions are most likely to be associated with failure to advance adult maturity as James Wilder has so aptly pointed out. But this failure to move on in maturity by so many people that results in any number of various addictions will also create a certain amount of debt internally which produces the pressure that one seeks to resolve with the pleasure they derive from their addiction of choice.

What I find interesting is that the judging and condemning and contempt that I am studying about in Romans 14 currently is also likely linked to this issue of unresolved debt. In turn it also can induce debt in the ones whom it is directed against. So in essence, a person who is carrying around a lot of debt will often tend to create debt in the spirit of others by their improper words, actions and attitudes toward them. Is this a subconscious attempt to rid ourselves of our own debt? It might be quite possible, for the concept of revenge or vengeance is an attitude in which we somehow think we can re-balance the books, so to speak, so as to hopefully free ourselves of the sense of debt we feel in our own hearts.

A person who is full of debt in their spirit cannot limit who around them is going to be contaminated by their own spirit of debt-collecting. They may think that they have specific debtors in mind that they want to extract payment from for the feelings built up inside, but their spirit of debt-collection will infuse every relationship that they have whether they want it to or not. And debt-collection is exactly what all of us are wired to do in our flesh when we allow a sense of debt to remain in our hearts from a violation committed against us.

Debt-collection permeates nearly every relationship that we see in this world. And if you want to get a taste of the kind of reaction that debt-collection produces in others, just think about how you feel whenever a debt-collection agency calls you on the phone to harangue you about a real or supposed debt you owe someone. I don't know about you, but I know that the enormous intensity of emotions that instantly rises up in me when this happens is so strong that sometimes I cannot even think clearly. My adrenaline begins to flow and my blood begins to boil and I have to be very careful to quickly disconnect from the situation before I make a complete fool of myself.

I realize that this is primarily due to a lack of maturity on my part, but it also betrays a reservoir of unresolved, internal debt in my spirit that I need to become free from. For it is not just the supposed debts externally that are the problem but the much greater problem is the internal debts within my own spirit that compel me to act irrationally at times. These intense moments are usually connected with a lot of fear as well as anger mixed in with a lot of bitterness and resentment. These are all ingredients of debt that needs to be dealt with if I am ever to enjoy real freedom.

I intend to take more time to think about this issue of debt and forgiveness. For whatever reason it has become a very intense focal point of my attention today and I want to understand it and its implications much better.