Bitter Unbelief

I am deeply disturbed at the growing awareness of the depth and pervasive extent of the bitter spirit that dwells in me. It robs me of my identity and freedom in Christ and grossly distorts my attempts to share His beauty with others. Last night at the Bible study I became painfully aware that every comment and idea that anyone else expressed only aroused within me a spirit of argument and spiritual superiority. In one way I'm glad it is starting to emerge from the fog in my life and be seen in its true ugliness. But its roots and tentacles permeate every part of my existence rendering me helpless to escape its stranglehold on me. For any part of me that might attempt to be used for my revolt against this spirit is discovered to one degree or another to already be infected with this terrible virus.

The disciples returning from the Emmaus encounter were filled with hope and joy on their return from despair and unbelief. The others were filled with excitement and some level of hopeful belief from the report that Jesus had appeared to Peter. But when Jesus actually showed up to join His own party, their capacity to believe and accept Him was exposed as too small and they fell back into fear and disbelief.

I always thought their unbelief and slowness of heart was ridiculous and unnecessary. Maybe so, but I now have a little more sympathy for their problem. Even with all the glorious revelation God has given me about Himself through insights on worship and the truth about hell, I still find that my attempts to share His beauty with others is hijacked and sabotaged by this terrible and diabolic evil spirit that dwell in the dark recesses of my mind. Jesus, save me!

Jesus says, “See my hands and feet; touch me and see.” I am looking for how to see His hands and feet and how to touch His body today. He says the body of Christ is around today. Open my eyes to see His hands and feet, the evidence of God's passionate love that can never be inhibited, that will never leave anything untried to draw me into intimacy and closeness with Him. I need to reach out and touch His body, even embrace it, so I may be drawn into belief, joy, freedom and delirious abandon to Him.

These are wonderful and true concepts. God, show me how to actually experience them today and over the next few weeks.