Confessions of a See'r

Something that keeps me uneasy at times and that I have written about previously could maybe be called the seer syndrome. It is good that I feel this uneasiness and I welcome it's reappearance as a reminder to once again do a reality check. It might be called an anti-hypocrisy injection or any other number of analogies. It is the feeling I get sometimes when I am thinking about something or convicted about something I have read or has been presented to my mind and I almost immediately began shaping it into words and arranging and outlining what I am experiencing into another piece of writing. At these times I sometimes almost feel guilty, like I am using expression for writing as a premature excuse to bypass actually fully receiving into a deeper heart level the very lesson that I am presently given opportunity to experience. I use the word “experience” quite deliberately here because I try to make a habit at such moments to remind myself quite strongly that it is far more important for me to internalize the “lessons” and principles, or whatever term might better describe them, than to merely “learn” them and capture them with my intellect no matter how exciting or threatening they may be. I am coming to the place where, when I am reading something really convicting I suddenly discover my mind strongly applying what I am reading to one of my children or one of my friends that “really needs to hear this”. I am starting to come to the awareness that most likely that intense desire to apply this to someone else is most likely betraying the presence of a false god inside of me desperately trying to divert attention to someone else because it is about to be exposed. At such times I find it helpful to first of all not fall into the blindness of guilt feelings which usually only produce a smoke-screen of denial or avoidance because of fear. Secondly I deliberately choose to force my imagination to let go of my strong penchant to apply this to a person who so obviously needs to hear this and change. No matter how badly that other person may need this counsel and advice, I am not the conscience for that person so no amount of pressure on my part will help them accept what they need to hear no matter how I try to package it. A good reality check at this point is a call to memory of how I feel when others try to do the same thing to me and how resistant I instantly feel to their attempts to convict me on some point they feel I need to change. It is once again a strong reminder that only the Holy Spirit of our Designer is capable of convicting us while still keeping us in a safe atmosphere where we are willing to accept the conviction and repent. Only the One without sin is safe to cast the first stone, and God is not into casting stones to start with. After I have insisted on ordering my mind to let go of my strong desire to divert attention to someone else, I then remind myself of the principle of recognition that I have been well aware of for a number of years. Most of us are aware of this principle in theory but it is still a bit painful to accept it for ourselves. It is the principle expressed by some as “you spot it – you got it”. I have seen this proven true so many times in my life that I now accept its truth as real, but it still requires a firm decision to force my mind to live by it and redirect my attention to my own life and allow the instruction to do its needed work in my own heart without being diluted or diverted. The overriding truth that I must always keep uppermost in my mind is that my own transformation of heart will have far greater influence in drawing other into conviction on this point than any amount of head presentations no matter how eloquent or camouflaged. We are wired to respond to heart messages far more effectively than “religious” instructions that usually end up primarily producing resistance. That is probably why Jesus told the Pharisees that their method of religion tended to produce candidates twice as ready for hell as themselves because disciples of typical religion are filled with a spirit of resistance. Resistance, when faced with opposing “force” (the passionate love of God) can only produce heat and pain which, as I have written about extensively elsewhere, is the very essence of what hell is all about. (Am I starting to sound like a broken record?) What I am trying to express here without getting derailed too far is the feelings I sometimes experience when I feel a tension between receiving and giving. In reality my “witness”, is only as effective as the level to which my own heart has accepted and is being transformed by the things I am attempting to express to others through whatever means. Sometimes I feel so strongly about this that I restrict myself to simply jotting down a few notes about something that is strongly stirring me but is yet incomplete in personal application. I feel I need to at least capture it in brief notes so I won't forget it (which I very easily do to my great consternation at times), but it is not ready enough at my own heart level to share it with others due to a great lack of credibility. At other times I feel compelled to go ahead and express what I am “learning” even though I realize that I still need the impact of it to change my own life even more than most who may hear or read what I am sharing. In fact, I am aware that the people who may “need to hear it most” most likely will not be reading my posts, so I simply leave them out as gifts(?) to be received by whoever happens to chance on them or those that the Lord may lead to them for whatever purpose. Part of this issue also involves the tension created when people say “I was impressed”, or “the Lord showed me...”. I realize that I use similar expressions myself and I continue to wonder how to relate to such phrases and notions even myself. On the one hand it seems rather arrogant to claim that ideas and concepts and insights that I share with others come directly or indirectly from God. It always has the potential to be interpreted as laying undue claim to the ultimate authority to back up what I am presenting. There is no shortage of evidence for people doing exactly that along with the tragic results of such abuses. Just a cursory examination of the religious tyranny of the Dark Ages reveals the consequences of religious imposition of beliefs on others against their will. Those terrible acts of demonic demonstrations in the name of God will always eventually follow when men try to take the authority of God without accepting His true character. No one is immune from becoming this kind of false witness for God and so I keep in mind that I must be careful how I claim to be inspired by God in the things I say. On the other hand, I also sense that I need to be honest about how some of the “insights” I share have come to me. It seems that if I simply state them as my own ideas that I, in fact, may be claiming that of my own wisdom and superior intellect I have conjured up these things, and in so doing I will diminish the element of the influence of God's Spirit in my life and heart. I am well aware of the smallness of my own ability to think and figure out life on my own. I am also too painfully aware of how shriveled and hardened my own heart has been most of my life and its inability to receive and share joy. I believe that all true wisdom must flow through the heart. The “head”, or left brain where the tools of language reside, is the lesser side of our being that must struggle to express the much deeper and broader emotions, concepts and ideas that defy the simplicity of human language. One of the greatest problems against which all true believers struggle is the fact that almost universally religion has been condensed and restricted to primarily a left-brain set of beliefs, doctrines and rules. Even when it appears that our emotions are deeply involved in fantastic exhibitions of religious fervor, upon close examination it will often be found that this religion still has not taken root in true transformation of the heart but has only become an emotional stimulant and an imitation of the real heart-experience that God has in mind for us. The passage that was stirring around in my mind this morning as I felt prompted to express these things was from James. Therefore, putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the word implanted, which is able to save your souls. But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does. If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is worthless. (James 1:21-26) One significant thing I noted while reading this verse some time ago was the apparent fact that the “mirror” and the perfect law of liberty may not necessarily be the same thing, even though that is always how I have heard it preached and taught. I am not trying to be dogmatic or argumentative here, but to me I found this quite revealing. When a person looks in a mirror, according to the text that person sees their “natural face”. I think that most would agree that the “natural” face referred to here is the imperfections of character that we all possess. And while it is indeed very important that we become aware of the truth about ourselves from time to time, it does not necessarily translate that the mirror from which we discover this truth is always the “law”. In fact, given the analogy the way it is written, I am drawn to conclude that the evidence points in a different direction. When it talks about the man looking in the mirror it seems to almost be a casual observation. It is true that he may be intentionally looking in the mirror and may be surprised by the reflection that he finds there in the revelation about his true picture. But that does not carry with it at all the intensity of the expression in the next example of looking intently at the perfect law of liberty. While the law may indeed be helpful in unmasking our faults and failures, I don't believe the law acts so much like a mirror as it does by contrasting. A mirror is a completely passive instrument that can only reflect light and create an image of what is in front of it. That to me is a long way from what I believe is expressed and implied in viewing the law of liberty. The law is a simplified expression of the very character and nature of God Himself – hardly a passive reflector of whatever is before Him. If we take a view of the law of liberty being a reflector of our likeness we have indeed arrived at creating a god in our own image. Maybe that's one reason we are so angry and afraid of God, because we think we see in Him all of our worst attributes and think that He is worse than us. Many of the doctrines and emotions in circulation today about God reveal this very thinking and need to be challenged and exposed for the lie that they really are. Far from being a mirror that reveals our problems by reflection, the perfect expression of the beauty of God, His everlasting loving-kindness and faithfulness and passion is a means of exposing our true condition by contrast, not by reflection. While a mirror may be useful at times for a reality check, I believe that the analogy of a mirror is something more along the lines of our need to occasionally take an honest, hard look at our own hearts and admit the selfishness and depravity that lurks deep in our souls. But if we spend too much time dwelling on our own imperfections we will become overwhelmed with discouragement and will actually end up reinforcing them by our very act of dwelling on them. That is not to say we should live in self-denial and self-deception. Mirrors can be very useful if they are not overused. But to stare in pained realization at our sinfulness in a “mirror” will eventually cause those very imperfections and sins to take deeper root through the principle of feed-back. What James declares is our only hope is to stare obsessively and continuously at the perfect beauty of our Creator and Parent and by “beholding we will become changed”. It is an unavoidable law of the mind that whatever we focus our attention on will influence and shape our thinking and personality and character. And while I still believe it is important to experience “reality checks” rather frequently by looking into a mirror and seeing the truth about ourselves as far as where we are in our growing experience, we need to get away from the mirror without forgetting what we saw and spend much more time intensely saturating our minds with the mesmerizing attractions of the real truth about God and all the expressions of His character revealed in heaven and even in nature here on earth. This is my obligation to myself and to the One who died to give me eternal life. I am reminded of the passionate plea of Moses to the infantile people that he had grown to love so deeply. “"I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, by loving the LORD your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is your life and the length of your days, that you may live...” (Deuteronomy 30:19-20)