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At that time we received a very nice letter of blessing from one of the midwives from the beginnings of this organization that helped deliver our daughter at home back in 1979.
This morning I got to thinking a little more about some of the things I have been learning about judgment and identity and perceptions of reality. It began to become more clear in my mind how much we all have a real problem with identity, at least I know I do. As I think back on situations where I felt threatened, ashamed or humiliated I realize that it almost always had to do with accepting someone else's imposed ideas or accusations about my identity.
As I thought more about this problem I suddenly realized that I have been vandalized all of my life. What I am really dealing with without realizing it is identity theft. This is not just a nice cliché to use for a religious idea, this is reality! False gods and demonic spirits have been very busy all of my life stealing my identity and trying to replace it with false identity and imposed insinuations about who I am. Most of the time I have bought into these ideas at least to some extent.
I began thinking and wondering why it has been so hard for me to believe, at the heart level, the things that God says about me. It has always seemed that my identity had to agree with the pattern of behavior that could be traced in my life. It is just one of those general assumptions that everyone buys into that the way we act and talk and think reveals our true identity and to believe anything else is to challenge reality. We even say that to think otherwise is to be hypocritical. But at the same time the things I hear that God says about me seem to be way different than the identity defined by my general behavior and the thoughts and reactions that often slip into my mind. So where am I to find the real truth about my identity that my heart can latch onto and really believe if it is not this?
It is one thing to throw around nice-sounding platitudes about God's ideas and views of us, but we all know that the influence of what others think about us and how we view ourselves generally far outweighs any religious expositions on what God might think of us. We generally don't want to admit this in religious circles but it become quite clear when it is the basis for how we respond to surprise situations or intense emotions. My perception of who I really am determines the reactions I will have when under pressure, and so far that has not been real good all the time.
But after hearing a very different perspective on what was really going on during the last couple days of Jesus' life and how the disciples could have responded if they had realized who they really were as declared by Jesus at the last supper, I am realizing that I too face the same kind of confusion about what is really going on and who I really am on a rather frequent basis. The facts may be quite evident to all viewing them, but how to view and interpret those facts can be polar opposites depending on who you believe yourself to be.
The more I thought about this the more I realized that God is dealing with the very same issue Himself. Lucifer/Satan has been trying to steal God's true identity for thousands of years and has done quite well at convincing the vast majority of people. In billions of minds he has stripped God of all of His valuable assets of character and replaced them with his own evil traits. Many of the things we believe about God and are even very certain can be proved from the Bible are in actuality carefully crafted lies that are part of the great identity heist pulled of by the enemy of our souls.
What I really want to learn is to be more constant in my consciousness of the real identity and value of who I am designed to be all the time. I want to be able to see not only others through God's eyes but myself as well. Satan is always eager to point to my constant failings and the many negative habits of thinking that keep me locked into dysfunctional relationships and insist that these define who I really am and not what God claims. When I repeat these assertions and continue to view myself through rehearsing my faults and bemoaning my weaknesses, I am helping the enemy to steal my identity by handing over the most valuable things I possess. The security situation in my soul appears to be in pretty dismal shape by the looks of things.
So how do I really go about changing this state of affairs? I want to know and to experience a dramatic shift in my thinking, in my perception of who I am and I want to really believe from the deepest levels of my heart the truth about me as God sees me. I guess that is very hard for me to do naturally because I can still hear the voices of my past from parents and family and friends insisting on focusing on my faults and not becoming proud spiritually. But they too were caught in the same false paradigms of religion and it is now time for me to challenge all of these self-defeating attitudes and expose them for what they are and move into greater freedom.
I am hoping maybe I will be able to make a few steps in that direction this weekend. I know I am going to encounter some opportunities and situations that will challenge my comfort zone about my identity. What I really want to do is be more clear in my thinking and feelings about how God sees me instead of always falling back on the way I have always responded in the past to similar situations. If I can just remember more often who I really am as defined by God I will begin to unlock many functions that have never even come into use in my life up to this point. Up to now I think that maybe I have been my own worst enemy, the one who more effectively sabotages my own freedom more than anyone else.
Of course it would be very nice if I had other people in my life who were listening to God well enough to be able to see me through His eyes and encourage me to lay claim to what He wants me to perceive about myself in place of the misconceptions I still cling to. How does one go about dealing with identity theft anyway? I guess I have never really thought about this very much.
God, please show me much more clearly who I really am from Your standpoint. I don't want just religious phrases and cliché's that mean little to my heart, I want to sense distinct and clear revelations of the real man, the DNA that You imprinted into my heart and that has yet to come out into the open. I want to know the unique style that You created me to reflect You with. Thank-you for creating me that way – now just help me to see it and live it abundantly for Your glory.
