Peter's Recovery - scene 2 (click here for scene 3)

It is very early in the darkness of the morning. The lake is nearly as quiet and still as the depression that has gripped Peter's soul for the past few days. At the beginning of this fishing trip Peter had planned to through himself into his old occupation with gusto and re-establish himself in his old business. Even though he was not terribly thrilled to have so many other guys along in the boat, four of whom were not even fishermen, secretly he was glad they had insisted on coming. There had not been a lot of easy conversation through the long night however like they used to do in the old days. Peter's mind would not leave him a minute of peace. Scenes and emotions from the past week or two were constantly flashing up in his memory, torturing his conscience and reigniting his deep pangs of shame and remorse. He could not bring himself to talk about it to the others, but they could see clearly the intensity of the inner turmoil he was suffering and quietly they worked alongside him while inwardly praying for him. They simply were there for him, following his simple instructions when it was time to move the nets or paddle to a new location.

Peter now found himself with new frustrations on top of all the inner turmoil from the recent events. His original plan was to attempt to reduce his intense feelings of worthlessness by showing how well he at least could catch fish. But his plan was becoming a miserable failure. Hour after hour, try after try, throw after throw, spot after spot all through the night Peter was not able to snare even one lousy little fish. Something was terribly wrong. Even the worst fishermen on the lake could not have that bad of luck; and he used to be considered one of the champions. What was going on here? Maybe he had invoked a curse on himself when he denied Jesus the other night. Maybe he would never again be successful at anything. Maybe God had forsaken him after all. Fear began to be added to his shame and remorse. He could almost hear the demons taunting him, laughing at him, ridiculing the one who used to exercise the authority of heaven to cast them out of others. “What else can go wrong. I have failed so miserably as a loyal disciple of the most humble, caring person ever to walk the earth and now I am a complete failure at fishing too,” he mused to himself.

As his emotions swirled around like a confusing storm inside him he remembered some of the better times he had known when he was still in favor with Jesus and his friends who followed Him. He recalled to mind how Jesus had reacted always with kindness, tenderness and sympathy even when everyone else thought the circumstances called for judgment or stringent measures. He begin the remember the strange feelings of affection that had stirred within him as he had watched Jesus' interactions with so many people, even though he had usually kept them buried inside. His best friend John had been much more open about his growing affection and passion for Jesus and Jesus had developed a special bond between them in response. And even though Peter had been much more rough and rowdy and coarse at times, he had always been treated with respect and compassion, even when Jesus had to rebuke him which was not infrequent.

As these memories began to seep into Peter's confused mind through the long, intensely painful night, a deep hunger began to emerge from deep within his heart that he could not suppress. An intensity of desire to be once more in Jesus' presence without this torture of regret began to grip him. Oh how he longed to once more be able to just relax, hang out with Jesus and experience that strange attraction that Jesus exerted. If that could ever be, he would try to respond differently this time. He would quite resisting so hard the immense love that was felt in Jesus' presence and would not think so much of what others thought about him. This mysterious and haunting feeling continued to intensify until it was nearly impossible to hold back the tears. Peter was not what people would call emotional, at least not in the crying sense. Anger we was very familiar with. But these emotions were almost foreign to him. But he could not escape their pervasive presence that became even more intense than the remorse and shame that he had been overwhelmed with.

Catching absolutely no fish was like the ultimate humiliation for Peter. But at the same time within Peter's heart he felt his desire for Jesus like a powerful, irresistible magnet drawing him inexorably toward something which he could not yet understand. Never before did Peter feel so desperate just to be with Him. But the shame was till there. He now was beginning to appreciate just how Mary of Magdela must have felt. He remembered how she just couldn't stay away from Jesus and seemed to never be able to get enough of Him. She was not nearly so interested in getting answers from him like so many others, but her constant desire was just to be near Him and enjoy His presence. Peter now realized that was now what he missed the most too – that feeling of wholeness, of safety, of acceptance and peace that seemed so unexplainable yet so real whenever he was with Jesus. That was what this hunger was all about.

Suddenly, in the pre-dawn silence he heard a voice drifting across the crisp, cool air and the quiet water reflecting the early morning sunrise. Evidently someone was out on the shore at this unusual hour and had spotted the boat full of men out on the lake. The question was worded a bit strange, though and reminded Peter of this most recent humiliation. “Children, you do not have any fish, do you?” It was almost like this stranger could read his mind; like he expected them to not have in fish. Peter's first impulse was a spark of resentment. But then to add fuel to the fire the land-lubber yelled at them to switch the nets to the other side of the boat and claimed that they would catch fish.

Peter considered himself to be a professional. He had been fishing since he could remember and he knew everything there was to know about fishing. And besides, if there were fish in the water they should just as easily get into the net whichever side of the boat the net was on. The way the boat was arranged, built and loaded it was much more convenient for the men working to always through the nets out on the left side. So what difference would it make to clumsily through the nets on the other, more inconvenient side? But on the other hand, there was nothing to lose either. After all, you couldn't catch any less fish doing that than they had already caught. So Peter swallowed his pride and gave instructions for the others to give this idea a shot.

The net had hardly hit the surface of the shimmering lake when it seemed all hell broke loose. Suddenly the water was alive with thrashing, extraordinary large fish seemingly eager to throw themselves into the net. It seemed almost bizarre but it was really happening. Instantly all the men on board were scrambling to secure the net and quickly pull it into the boat. But that too, proved impossible as the net contained far more fish than it had ever been designed to hold. In the ensuing pandemonium Peter heard his best friend John say something that went through his body like an electric shock and broke all concentration on his excitement about the fish. John simply leaned over and quietly said, “It is the Lord”.

This was too much for Peter. His intensity of emotions that had been building all through the long dark night came sharply into focus and he did the only thing there was to do. Grabbing a garment to cover himself he literally threw himself into the water and made for shore to find the one that his heart was so desperately craving. He had come to the place where he realized that there was only one reason for life and one place to find value, and it wasn't in fishing. All of his life narrowed down to just doing one thing now – he had to get to Jesus one more time even if it killed him. And it nearly could have since it is thought that fishermen of that day usually didn't know how to swim.

His friends felt a surge of joy when Peter hit the water. They sensed that he was now following the passion of his heart – and the passion of their hearts. This is what they had been praying for all night. They did not know how God would do it, but they believed that somehow God would reach Peter's heart if they continued to pray and to care for him and stay with him through his pain. They had no complaints that the most experienced fishermen and their leader had abandoned them to take in the biggest catch on the lake alone. But at the same time they were overwhelmed beyond their capacity and skill, struggling to keep the boat stable while attempting to drag the net full of fish toward the shore.

“But the other disciples came in the little boat, for they were not far from the land, but about one hundred yards away, dragging the net full of fish. So when they got out on the land, they see a charcoal fire already laid and fish placed on it, and bread. Jesus says to them, 'Bring some of the fish which you have now caught.' Simon Peter went up and drew the net to land, full of large fish, a hundred and fifty-three; and although there were so many, the net was not torn. Jesus says to them, 'Come and have breakfast.' (John 21:8-12 NAS95)

This seemed to be a clear answer to questions that had just arisen in Peter's mind. When he first realized that it was Jesus who had supplied all these fish, he was tempted to wonder if maybe God was blessing his plans to simply be a financial support to the ministry of the other disciples. Maybe God was affirming Peter's plans by reminding him to rely on God to catch fish instead of doing it alone. The excitement was building as he rushed up to the shore after leaping out of the boat. Peter wants to thank Jesus for helping him catch fish. Yes, that was a wonderful arrangement. Jesus would endow Peter with a supernatural gift for fishing that would enable him to sponsor and support all the needs of the other disciples while not putting Peter into the dubious position of being trusted with much responsibility. But the closer he gets to Jesus on the shore the more confused and ashamed he feels again. That is, until Jesus reminds him of the obvious. Peter had completely forgotten to help with the net – a most unusual occurrence since he was always the one leading out and shouting orders to everyone else anytime they had been fishing.

But the others really knew now that Peter was definitely in a world of hurt. They had never before seen him so quiet and seeming almost helpless and pitiful. They had compassion for him, were supportive of him and were staying with him. And finally they were able to point him to Jesus who only could address his profound pain and deep shame. They worked the net and the boat while watching Peter from a distance, giving knowing glances and smiles of relief to each other as they took over Peter's job in the boat. They were willing to do anything to allow him the time and freedom to run, swim, whatever it took to get to Jesus so Jesus could do what He does best.

When Peter first hit the shore after throwing himself out of the boat, he wasn't sure what to do with himself. He had overwhelming but contradictory emotions that were clashing like titans inside him, some of them pushing, even compelling him to run to Jesus but others pounding him with shame and hopelessness making him want to shrink back forever. So when he turned and saw that he had abandoned his friends to struggling with the net of fish alone it gave him an emotional time of reprieve to have something to do while he tried to figure out how to relate to this situation.

He was the strongest of the men and the most experienced. They obviously needed his help and there was great danger that the nets would tear apart at any moment and lose this amazing catch. Then no one would ever believe them and it would go down as a classic unsubstantiated fish tale around the lake. The men all worked together as a team as they each strained and pulled on the sides of the net. Peter noticed by now that nothing was normal anymore. Any other day, any other catch and the net would have been in shambles by now. And these fish! He had hardly ever seen fish this large, and when he had there were few and far between. But here was a whole net full of nothing but record-breaking size fish being held apparently supernaturally in a net never intended for such abuse. As they secured the net and the boat at the shore, Jesus invited them to bring some of their catch and add it to the fish and bread He already had placed on a charcoal fire.

Again, Peter experienced shock waves of intense emotion. The site of a charcoal fire with the warm glow of flames on a cold morning instantly brought back waves of shame and humiliation. It was unavoidable to ignore the reminder of what had happened just a few days ago at nearly the same time of day when he was warming himself before a charcoal fire not unlike this one. He had blurted out his most infamous words of profanity denying all connection with Jesus. The scene had replayed itself over and over in his imagination since that night, and now, just when he thought he might be freed from the horror of it all he was confronted with these blatant reminders of his colossal failure under fire. He had gone fishing to try to escape all the reminders of his betrayal, the very cause of his deepest shame. Why now does Jesus have to have a charcoal fire that looks so much like the scene of his greatest infamy? Why not just a fire of twigs and wood or something else?

But Jesus has a way of gently but firmly going to the core of our pain and our issues to remove the lie embedded there and replace it with truth about ourselves and about Him. For Peter He redeemed that fire that had nearly become in his mind a scene of demonic flames reaching out to consume Peter. Jesus redeemed the fire by restoring it back to it's original function and place – a means of warming bodies that are cold and heating food for fellowship. For remember, jumping into semi-deep water with his outer garment thrown over him at this time of morning had left Peter shivering in the cold lakeside air with no dry garment to keep him warm. So Jesus drew him in close to once again warm himself by the flames of a charcoal fire. Only this time Peter was much colder externally that the previous time. But the more important difference was that this time His Master was not on trial before wicked men being slapped and taunted by his enemies and being denied and forsaken by his closest friends. This time Jesus was keeping very close to Peter, encouraging him to relax and enjoy the fire while they all fellowshipped around breakfast provided entirely by the grace of God.

There were other reminders here too. It was not lost on the disciples the vivid reminders of the miracles of the loaves and fishes that Jesus had performed twice to feed the multitudes. They had personally been solicited by Him to be the chief distributors of these miracles as a strong incentive for them to realize God's overwhelming generosity toward all men. There were so many lessons in this short time around the fire that they talked about it and pondered it for years to come.

But one very important symbol in this event was not lost on Peter. He had launched out on this trip originally to get away from his place as disciple to return to his old life of fishing. Now Jesus asked Peter to bring the fish that he had just caught (completely by the miraculous intervention of Jesus) and place them on the fire. It was very much like the sacrifices of the temple they were so familiar with where they brought a lamb as a sacrifice to be offered to God on the fire of the altar. Jesus was inviting Peter to reconsider his decision to run away. He now was asking Peter to sacrifice his past life, indeed his whole identity, in immersion into the newly awakening passion of total devotion to Jesus and His plans for Peter's life. He invites Peter to bring his very livelihood and put it on the fire of his betrayal as a sacrifice to Jesus. Now, in place of running away from the reminders of shame, Jesus helps Peter face them head-on in the secure presence of Jesus who's value for him releases the stranglehold of shame and replaces his attempts to create value for himself.