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Sometimes I am tempted to view these urges as distractions that are meant to get me off track or to get focused on myself more than on God. I do have to be careful about that and for that reason I sometimes simply try to capture the essence of what I am thinking until later. But then it is sometimes difficult when later comes to recapture the fullness of what was originally in my heart and I have to wait until it comes around again and I feel the inspiration of the idea so I can explore it again.
I do want to make sure that I spend some time listening carefully for any messages or impressions from God in the context of meditating in the Bible. But occasionally I am so carried away in trying to write out what seems to be pouring into my mind that I run out of time. At these times I am tempted to feel guilty for not finishing my usual routine, but then I am reminded that the routine itself is not to become my god, but my attention and value needs to be constantly directed toward knowing and experiencing God Himself; and whatever means He may choose to reach my soul I need to be open to relating to.
Yes, the issue of time can be a sticky one as well. It comes down to the issue of how to set priorities and what that reflects about my big picture. I don't want to live in constant guilt or become unbalanced in my life, but I have to constantly re-evaluate what is most important and be willing to make adjustments as I feel is necessary.
Feeling satisfied that I had written enough to be able to come back after listening to God in various books that I use in the morning, I laid aside the computer and read through the two devotionals that I am using this year. As I finished reading the second one, My Utmost for His Highest, I was once again surprised that the very questions I had just written were directly addressed in today's reading.
Every time this happens I get something like a warm feeling in my heart, a feeling of appreciation, a tangible sense that I am valuable enough to God that He would surprise me this way even though I obviously don't deserve His attention through my own merits. Once again I get to see grace on display and up close.
So here are the questions that I put down before reading this morning. These come on the wake of thoughts discussed both during and after the men's group last night which was very enlightening and stimulating for me.
I don't feel completely safe with anyone.
Maybe we aren't safe for God when He doesn't show up.
What does safe mean?
What happens when we confide when it is not safe?
Why would God not trust His “confiding” to ones who are not safe?
What would “safe” look like for me?
What would “safe” look like for God? How can I find out?
Why do we want to confide in another?
Why do we want to be confided in?
What can I do or be to make myself safe for God to confide in and trust?
Why do I want to be that person?
What would it take for me to really be able to confide in God, to totally abandon myself to Him?
What does this text mean and does it have anything to do with this subject?
“But Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all men, and because He did not need anyone to testify concerning man, for He Himself knew what was in man.” (John 2:24-25)
The thoughts presented in My Utmost today are phrase by phrase exposition on Galatians 2:20. “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”
The last paragraph is what really got my attention. “'And the life which I now live in the flesh...,' not the life which I long to live and pray to live, but the life I now live in my mortal flesh, the life which men can see, 'I live by the faith of the Son of God.' This faith is not Paul's faith in Jesus Christ, but the faith that the Son of God has imparted to him – 'the faith of the Son of God.' It is no longer faith in faith, but faith which has overleapt all conscious bounds, the identical faith of the Son of God.”
