Inept Heart-operator

I feel empty, confused, hurt, frustrated. I want to love in a way that can be accepted and felt but I seem to be almost totally blocked. I must be incredibly selfish by the subtle messages I see mirrored in those close to me. I am very inept at operating the vehicle called my heart. I either stall out and don't move or careen around crashing into others causing emotional havoc and liability.

I have so much fear of pain and not being understood or accepted that I spend most of my time and emotional energy in image management. But simply knowing about this enormous fear does not disable it. It is much bigger than I am.