Condition of my spirit

I am still struggling to learn to live from my heart more than from my head. I guess that will not end anytime soon unless I give up wanting to. I am slowly and fitfully, at least, becoming more aware and sometimes conscious of the feelings of my heart and sometimes those around me. I am also experiencing times when I feel more real and actually present – living in the present intensely – in the presence of God.

When I came into the Tuesday night men's group after they had started I came in while they were discussing the importance of intentional praise to God under any circumstances. I certainly needed this reminder and I realized how dark my mind has become because I have not exercised this most powerful practice recently. It is the most effective means for dispelling emotional fog and discouragement. That is why Satan stops at nothing to keep all of us from knowing about this or believing it.

When I think about how to relate to situations and the people around me based on what I can perceive about my heart and their hearts it always causes me to doubt my first impulses. I often see how selfish my usual reactions are and I pray for a new base of operation. I also realize how poor my mindsight ability is for understanding how other people are feeling. This all creates a very great need for divine presence and communication if I am at all to be a channel of life to others instead of dry sponge always trying to draw life and satisfaction from others for myself.

This is also making me more and more aware of how many false gods I harbor. Every person or experience that I want to use to pump up my feeling of self-worth that is not in God's plan for me has become an idol for me. Anything I can't stop doing because it makes me feel so good is something that I am bowed to as a source of life. Worship is simply the act of giving attention and priority to something or someone to draw life for myself. Intellectually I can know that God is the only source of life, but my empty heart will grasp at many alternatives that look hopeful or promising while my mind maintains that I am loyal to God. Simply put, this condition is the essence of what sin is all about.

I want to know much more of the truth about what God is really like and be disabused of the millions of lies about Him that still distort my life and thinking. I am realizing that understanding more about the deceptions of the world does not necessarily reveal more truth about God. That is another very successful diversion of the enemy. There are many people very vocal about uncovering all kinds of scams, plots and conspiracies of the enemy and feeling very righteous about doing so. But God is only revealed and experienced by coming more and more into truth, not understanding more and more about deceptions.

Again, this is why praise and gratitude is so effective and transforming. It focuses our attention on the real truth about God which transforms us into what we are thinking about. I ran across some very interesting quotations this morning.

“The enemies of the truth know that they have not strong arguments to sustain their position; therefore they will try the [mettle] of the one who presents the truth. In the position where you are placed to vindicate the truth, keep self out of sight, make no boast of knowledge, place your feet upon the word, the eternal truth. Make no reference to any sly thrusts of your opponent. Do not manifest a spirit of retaliation; but ever maintain the gentleness of Christ. Put on Christ. Your physical infirmities urge you to hasty feelings and hasty words, which give your opponent an advantage. Abide in Christ. For the truth's sake, for Christ's sake, preserve the dignity, the elevated and ennobled character of the truth. Your zeal will need to be controlled by the Holy Spirit of God, lest it quicken into impatience as you see the Scriptures wrested, and fables and human assertions presented as truth. Men who know that they have the truth can have power only as they present the truth as it is in Jesus.

“...God alone must be your trust; nothing less than a divine agency will be able to counter-work the power of Satan.

“You are not in one instance to use the same weapons as to your opponents. If you do, they will turn against the truth. You are to act on principles directly opposite to those held by men who are seeking to make of no effect the law of God,--the great standard of character. You love the truth, you love God; but you must more fully learn of Jesus his meekness and lowliness of heart. A great work is to be done in our cities, and the fields are all ripe for the harvest. Our attention will be called in every direction, for repentant souls in both Christian and heathen lands will lift up their voices for help. There must not be one particle of lifting up of self; your only safety is to trust in God. While you walk in humility, you walk safely.

“Dwell as little as possible upon your opponent's objections, but press in the truth, new and convincing, to cut away and undermine error. Keep your own spirit calm, even against personal abuse. Never retaliate. Let the spirit of kindness, Christian courtesy, rule your every action. The Holy Spirit will help your infirmities. People will pass judgment upon the men. Those in error have learned that their strength is to maintain self-control, while the fires of hell may be stirring every fiber of the being. Your opponent will say words which will irritate a sensitive mind. Pass these by unheeded. Do not once forget that you are speaking for God's truth. Your spirit, if kept gentle under provocation, will speak louder than any force of argument. Do not imperil the truth by an unwise word. Remember how, when provoked, Moses spoke unadvisedly, and dishonored God. You need larger experience as a student in the school of Christ, in copying his meekness and lowliness.

“The universe of heaven will be comprised in your audience. Bear this in mind. God has given you talents of influence; he has let his light, in clear distinct rays, shine upon your pathway, he has greatly blessed you; now let your disinterestedness, your self-consecration, do honor to God. If you look to, or trust in, your own ability, you will destroy the effect of actual effort. God alone can give the victory, and he will vindicate the truth, if men will not take credit to themselves; God will do honor to those who live not to self, but to him.

“Seek God most earnestly. Your brethren should seek the Lord with you. From communion with God, come before the people, imbued with the Holy Spirit. Exalt the word, exalt Jesus; in all humility of mind, crowd in important, soul-testing truth. Let the glorious conceptions of God possess your mind, God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, is willing to shine in your hearts, who give the light of the knowledge of his glory in the face of Jesus Christ. You weaken the truth when, in the least degree, you extol self. Hide in Jesus; without his presence and power you can do nothing. {GCB, April 1, 1895}