The Missing Oil

The parable of the ten virgins that Jesus taught in Matthew 25 has always been in the back of my mind ever since it was impressed deeply on me as a child. It was repeatedly emphasized that this story had critically important messages in it for us in particular living near the end of the world. I accepted that analysis and I still do. However, I also have felt impressed that most religious people, including myself, are still missing the real significance of what Jesus is trying to tell us in this parable.

This morning I felt reminded of this story and after a few moments of pondering it a number of insights began to quickly coalesce. I am seeing something that is indeed very significant that I don't think I have seen before, or if I did I was not seeing it with my heart but just intellectually with my head.

"Then the kingdom of heaven will be comparable to ten virgins, who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. "Five of them were foolish, and five were prudent. "For when the foolish took their lamps, they took no oil with them, but the prudent took oil in flasks along with their lamps. "Now while the bridegroom was delaying, they all got drowsy and began to sleep. "But at midnight there was a shout, 'Behold, the bridegroom! Come out to meet him.' "Then all those virgins rose and trimmed their lamps. "The foolish said to the prudent, 'Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.' "But the prudent answered, 'No, there will not be enough for us and you too; go instead to the dealers and buy some for yourselves.' "And while they were going away to make the purchase, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the wedding feast; and the door was shut. "Later the other virgins also came, saying, 'Lord, lord, open up for us.' "But he answered, 'Truly I say to you, I do not know you.' "Be on the alert then, for you do not know the day nor the hour. (Matthew 25:1-13 NAS95)

Some very important links and definitions came to mind that are crucial for understanding the deeper message that needs to be understood here. And while I don't particularly disagree with the standard interpretations always put forth on this parable, I believe that most of us have become very complacent with those “canned answers” and are missing some of the most important truths here.

In the story it is clear that the central ingredient that is emphasized is the oil. Without oil the lamps would never burn in the first place and it is the lack of oil that creates consternation on the part of half of the virgins. It is the forethought of having extra oil that makes the dramatic difference between otherwise apparently identical women in the story and makes all the difference in the outcome of their destinies. Therefore, I believe it is the most critical element of the story to understand, not only with our mind but understand how it relates to our heart which is where the real issues are centered.

First of all, the standard explanation given for the meaning of oil is that it is the Holy Spirit. While I will not discount that, I think it may have led us to stop short of digging deeper into its meaning and how it relates to us personally. Whatever this oil is or represents, it does have a great deal to do with spirit, not just God's Holy Spirit as a separate entity. Maybe that's what had bothered me for so many years. Just accepting the standard answer that the oil is the Holy Spirit has somewhat de-personalized the imperative nature of understanding this parable. But I have still sensed an urgency that something is still missing here that is very important, not only to discover, but even more importantly that I need to experience deeply myself.

Simply saying that the oil is the Holy Spirit somehow puts pressure on me to somehow “get” the Holy Spirit so I will be “ready” for the Second Coming. This is the primary construct put on this parable in most of the teaching I have received. But its focus is still primarily intellectual and still leaves something very important missing. I believe it does involve receiving the Holy Spirit into my life. But having that experience has also been a source of great frustration and discouragement for many people as well causing not a few to give up on following God altogether.

So here is some ideas that seem to fit perfectly into this puzzle like missing key ingredients.

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, Because the LORD has anointed me To bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to captives And freedom to prisoners; To proclaim the favorable year of the LORD And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, To grant those who mourn in Zion, Giving them a garland instead of ashes, The oil of gladness instead of mourning, The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified. (Isaiah 61:1-3 NAS95)

This, if you recall, was the “mission statement” repeated by Jesus when He launched His public ministry quoted in His very first sermon. This prophecy was pointing directly at Him and described what He was all about.

The next text simply reinforces the understanding that the “oil of gladness” was at the center of Jesus' life and relationships.

But of the Son he says, "Thy throne, O God, is for ever and ever, the righteous scepter is the scepter of thy kingdom. Thou hast loved righteousness and hated lawlessness; therefore God, thy God, has anointed thee with the oil of gladness beyond thy comrades." (Hebrews 1:8-9 RSV)

When I recalled the following verse in connection with the previous ones, it became even more clear why this oil is so necessary.

Nehemiah said, "Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." (Nehemiah 8:10 NIV)

The oil of gladness is also translated the oil of joy. Putting these texts next to each other we see the oil of gladness and the joy of the Lord are the same thing.

He causes the grass to grow for the cattle, And vegetation for the labor of man, So that he may bring forth food from the earth, And wine which makes man's heart glad, So that he may make his face glisten with oil, And food which sustains man's heart. (Psalms 104:14-15 NAS95)

I see here a connection again with gladness and oil, and a further clue that this gladness and oil have an affect on one's face. What really brought all of these together as I looked over every verse in the Bible containing oil was this last verse from Psalms that described what the condition of having oil is rooted in – what it looks like.

How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity! It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard, running down on Aaron's beard, down upon the collar of his robes. It is as if the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion. For there the LORD bestows his blessing, even life forevermore. (Psalms 133:1-3 NIV)

When I apply these various senses related to oil back into the story of the ten virgins, it becomes very clear to me that the oil that is so crucial for me to have if I desire to enter into fellowship with the Bridegroom when He comes is joy itself. This then reminded me of all the teachings and important insights we have been receiving from Jim Wilder's ministry explaining how our brains were wired by God primarily for joy. Scientists and expert brain researchers are discovering more and more evidence reinforcing this understanding. We are creatures of joy. It is unavoidable; we are just designed this way. It does not change a thing if our lives have been largely devoid of joy; that does not change the way we were originally designed. It simply means we are living far below the level of fulfillment and satisfaction that we were meant to experience. But that is no surprise either. That's the intended affect that sin has had on our lives. Satan's goal for us is to rob us of all joy and keep us in darkness about the truth of how God created us to interact with Him.

So if I take these insights and apply them liberally back into the story of the virgins, what do I now see more clearly?

To abbreviate an exhaustive explanation of the parable, I see the following.

1. All of the virgins were believers in truth.

2. They all had lamps that were burning. Therefore, to begin with they all must have had some level of joy, gladness and unity in their lives initially.

3. The wise, or prudent virgins, somehow invested in stocking up extra joy in larger capacity containers that they kept with them while the others didn't feel any necessity to do so. This very clearly reminds me of the “joy capacity” function of the brain that Wilder refers to so often.

4. It clearly states that when the foolish took their lamps they took no oil with them. This may be the most important statement in the whole story viewed in the light of joy in the oil.

5. When the Bridegroom delayed, all of them slept. So staying awake was not an element that made the difference between any of these virgins (believers).

6. When the announcement for the celebration to begin in earnest was made, all of them woke up and trimmed their lamps.

7. The tense interchange between the two groups of virgins when the foolish discover their foolish decisions exposed have significance. But I would need more time to flush out the important nuances of this conversation. However, it is significant that they noticed that their lack of oil was the cause of their lamps going out.

8. At this point in the story, the results of investing in greater joy capacity become painfully clear. The Lord – also the same as the Bridegroom – insists that He does not know those who have not entered into His house when the time was right.

9. The two elements that seem to be stressed in this parable are having extra oil and getting your timing right. Because the oil takes time to get, those who invested time to prepare ahead with extra oil had capacity and ability to enter into the joy of their Lord when the door was opened. The others found themselves scrambling to get more oil and in the process wasted critical time that ended up costing them everything in relationship to participation in the celebration.

It is important to note that the very nature of the event itself was immersed in the element of joy. It was all about a wedding, not a funeral, a program or a political event. It was centered around the most joy-intense relationship known to human beings; that of joining a man and woman together into one flesh and spirit who are deliriously in love with each other.

As I think about this and the implications that is has in relation to my own experience, I shudder in fear at how much more I am like the foolish more than the wise. My heart is very inexperienced and lacking in joy-capacity. And while I know it is still not to late to have this deficit remedied, I wonder how to go about getting it fixed. And if I put it off much longer I will find myself at the last moment rushing to the store with the foolish virgins frantically trying to barter whatever valuables I have to get more joy and gladness so I can participate with others in the grand celebration. But if I wait and put it off, I too will suffer the agony and despair of the foolish virgins (which itself is the beginning pangs of hell).

All I know to do is to again cry out to God in desperation and helplessness to unlock my heart of stone and do a work of transformation in me that I am totally incapable of doing myself. I need a very big miracle to radically morph me from a left-brain religious believer hungering for something better into a heart-based child with new capacity for joy and humble willingness to synchronize with other virgins in happy celebration of the goodness of God.

I want to have the heart of an innocent child who is fearless in his joyful exhibitions of celebrating being alive. He is not afraid to run and skip and fling his arms around and have his face glow with life and joy. He is not afraid to sing and dance and interact freely with others and be open and transparent from his heart. Yes, that is what I want to be – a child who feels so safe and protected by his powerful and loving parents that he is not afraid to express with abandon his real identity and celebrate life with others who are free to play with him.

Come now, Jesus. I need a major heart-transplant!

The Glue of Joy

We had a wonderful talk last night with one of the ladies at the Twelvetribes Community in Chattanooga last evening. We talked a little about their history and when we knew them back in the seventies. We talked about their return to the area in the last four years and what they are doing now. She shared with us their plans to open a new deli right next to UT near downtown and their current project of fixing up an old frat house next to it. She also talked about their developing network of trucking organic products between communities and we discussed a little the potential that could have for a large Coop opportunity that could produce some income for them.

During our whole conversation and underlying it was the sweet, Christian spirit we sensed as we talked. There must have been many unspoken messages we received that maybe I am not even aware of yet. As I read over their web site about their history, their culture and their beliefs, I could sense that these are communities very much based on joy and deeper bonding than what we have experienced. And each time we talk with them that perception is reinforced.

I woke up this morning very abruptly about 5:30 with no chance of returning to sleep even though I went to bed late. I was thinking about our conversation last night and a few things began to emerge in my thinking. I am beginning to realize how it is that a person deeply entrenched in a set of doctrines that they are absolutely convinced they will never give up could suddenly let them go and switch to another life quite suddenly and almost unexpectedly. From their first position that possibility appears impossible. They are certain that because their beliefs can be validated and proved by solid Biblical exegesis and they know all the arguments to vehemently defend their positions, that they are safe in “the truth” and nothing can move them. If anything appears to threaten their security in their beliefs, the solution is always to dig in deeper with stubborn insistence on their correctness of position and rehearse even more emphatically the verses and quotations that they have assembled to defend their views. Typically they take a harsh attitude toward anyone questioning any of their assumptions or interpretations and often they feel a strong need to base their beliefs on a particular version of the Bible, usually the old King James Version.

From this person's settled position, only people of like minds are safe to freely associate with and open up to safely. Everyone else, particularly on a spiritual level, is viewed with either suspicion or as a target of “witnessing”, which usually means some type of coercive attempts to convince that person to “convert” to believing “our” set of doctrines just the way we believe them. This condition of settled stubborn, determination to cling to a set of doctrines come “hell or high water” so to speak, is believed to be as close to a saved condition as one dares to hope. Great emphasis is put on rehearsing over and over the reasons why we believe these doctrines which involves memorizing and rehearsing the supporting texts and quotations put together over the years by others, and repeating the well-honed arguments that favor our position. This is believed to be our only safety to prepare us for the coming crisis that will try to pry us loose from our firm foundation of Scripture.

It is believed that those who are successful in clinging tightly to their beliefs in doctrine without being swayed by outside pressure to deviate on any point, will at last be rewarded by being taken to heaven by Jesus at His Second Coming. At this point we will experience what is called Salvation.

I'm sure many who may read this may not completely relate to this perspective like I am so familiar with. But to some extent I see this type of thinking and these assumptions, not only in most all Christian denominations but also in every belief system in the world. Generally it is called prejudice when it is in someone else who differs with our beliefs, or it is honored as being “settled in the truth” if it is someone with whom we agree.

As I contemplated our conversation last night and thought over other experiences in life and the things I have been learning the past few years about how our minds really work, I realized how very unstable and shaky the foundation is under most people who sincerely believe they have little to worry about. Jim Wilder talks about the real reason that so many pastors, even very high-profile ones, are so susceptible to catastrophic moral failures seemingly unexpectedly. Many people openly wonder how a person so knowledgeable and skilled in counseling others on the very same issue can succumb to moral failure so easily and quickly. Based on typical religious thinking they have to assume that there must have been some hidden doctrinal flaw in their belief system that undermined their ability to resist temptation. I have heard these situations discussed on radio and that very reason was put forth, with people quoting the pastor making public statements that this person believed was the “heresy” that brought him down.

But I believe that Wilder has put his finger on the real flaw that lies at the root of catastrophic failure, not only morally but in all major spiritual collapses. The primary hidden root that creates the weakness that undermines the whole structure of religious profession is the starvation of our hearts from the lack of genuine joy. This joy, apparently, is not an optional nicety in the Christian life – it is absolutely critical to the strength of the mind and heart. It is as crucial to have joy mingled all through our experience as it is important to have correct quality cement mixed into the gravel and sand composing a highrise steel and concrete skyscraper. People are understandably outraged when it is discovered that builders cut corners to make a profit by using poor quality concrete or improper mixes to build a large public building that later collapses. But we think nothing of building “Christian character” while using very scant amounts of real joy and very large proportions of stern instruction and harsh discipline. We may be able to assemble a large and imposing-looking structure that appears very healthy and religious for a time. But when the stresses arrive and the storms began to “beat on that house”, Jesus says it will fall with a very great crash.

I know some will rush to correct me and say that Jesus' point in that story was that we should build on the solid rock foundation. They also correctly point out that the foundation is Jesus Christ Himself. But maybe they forget to remember that the “joy of the Lord is your strength”, and that the very meaning behind the analogy that Jesus gave involved establishing a solid, deep connection to Him as close and dependent on Him as a large house is dependent on and connected to its foundation. And the healthy adhesive that keeps anyone connected to another is the ingredient of joy.

Of course, there is a counterfeit adhesive that Satan's style of relationship is based on. Unfortunately most of religion today has adopted this approach believing that it was designed by God; another one of the most common and pervasive lies about God circulating around. The counterfeit adhesive is fear. When we live in a joy-starved environment based on fear and rules and force, we are ripe for a catastrophic failure, whether it is a moral failure or a doctrinal collapse or a complete rejection of God and religion altogether. The lack of joy strength and joy capacity is our very greatest liability and most often the liability most ignored and over-looked.

At this point it would be good to review just what joy is and is not. Joy is not necessarily happiness and good feelings as such. Joy, as the brain was originally wired to know it and as the Bible describes it as well, is the experience of being valued and cherished by someone no matter what emotion or condition you find yourself in at the moment. When you know that someone wants to be with you, alongside you, willing to share your experiences with you as an intimate friend who cares deeply about you and loves you, then your mind and emotions begin to understand the sensation and reality of real joy.

When you understand joy from this perspective it is easy to see how one can experience joy even when going through great pain, sorrow, fear – even when feeling shame, disgust, despair or even anger. When there is nothing you can do or feel to make that person not want to be with you or cause them to care less about you, then you can experience joy in its reality.

So what does this have to do with my conversation last and waking up early this morning? And what does it have to do with catastrophic and unexpected failures? Because in a joy-deprived life that is based more on fear bonds than joy bonds with those around us, when something that looks like joy comes along, even if it is not the real thing, our hearts will jump into the opportunity, abandoning all our previous claims and positions and responsibilities. This can happen not only to the amazement of all around us but most of all to our own surprise. Because we were created as creatures designed to thrive on joy, our hearts will override our minds and cause us to leap for it in a desperate attempt to experience a deeper sense of fulfillment, even if we already know the consequences will be disastrous. Pastors who live in an austere, joy-deprived religious atmosphere are very susceptible to another person who offers them affirmation, smiles, kind words and displays a caring attitude for their hearts. Likewise, people of any persuasion who are confronted with a person or group who enjoy and display a spirit of joy will inexorably be drawn toward them to bond with them. This will result in great internal pressure to accept that person or group's “doctrinal” belief system even if it greatly deviates from what they presently believe. Because, contrary to what we often believe ever so strongly, our strength of endurance does not lie primarily in knowledge of correct facts and ideas but in the strength of our relational bonds. This cannot be over-emphasized. If we place our confidence in our intellectual grasp of “truth” and our ability to articulate arguments and recite texts in defense of our position and beliefs, we are guaranteed a spectacular failure in our future.

I am not recommending that we neglect a thorough study of Scripture to discover what is true and what is reality. It is vitally important. Sand and gravel is very important for concrete and the building would surely have just as catastrophic collapse without those as it would without cement. But that is not usually the problem, at least within the culture that I have come and circulate in, although it too is becoming a much bigger problem. Satan will try to push us to any extreme to cause us internal weakness so he can destroy our live. But we can never experience too much joy.

So I still have not answered what this has to do with our conversation last night with one of the members of the Twelvetribes community. I believe it is easy for most people to sense the spirit of joy that can be felt among the members of these communities, not just from talking with them but even from just reading their self-description on their web site. At least that is what I sensed as I read through it. I remember back 28 years when we used to visit their deli in the early days and when they were so gracious to help us deliver our first baby at home. I did not understand most of this then. But now I realize that the magnetism that we felt then, even though it seemed quite strange to us, is the same magnetism that I felt when we talked with them last night on the phone. That strong magnetism emanates from the very strong bonds of joy that the people in these communities share with each other in their openness and love and devotion, not only to each other but to the God they worship. It is so obvious and so attractive that it draws in people from all directions to take a closer look at what they are all about.

The struggle that ensued within me made me take a look at several things going on in my mind and heart. I realized that some of their theological ideas were not Biblical as I believe the Bible. But their lives and lifestyle is undeniably much closer to the spirit and style of the early New Testament believers than anything I have ever observed; certainly much more than what I am living. This confronts me with a feeling of conviction of my need for lifestyle changes and attitude adjustments. But these two things then found themselves in conflict and I felt confused for a while. It created a tension in my mind between keeping doctrinal beliefs that I truly believe are more in line with Scripture but accepting the need for challenging my lack of real community and experiencing joy.

As I thought about this, I realized how very easy it could be to go either of two directions. If I was not settled in my understanding of what I believe because of personal study and listening to the guidance of the Spirit, it would be quite easy to accept their belief system in exchange for immersion into a community where I felt fulfilled and could thrive in an experience of real joy. At the same time I can see how it would be easy to be critical of that option because of my insistence that my beliefs are more “correct” than theirs and thus determine that the attraction they exhibit must be of a very deceptive nature and must be avoided at all costs. This option I have seen exercised all too often with the results being an even more joy-starved environment setting one up for one of the above scenarios.

What I choose to believe is this: my church and culture has many valuable understandings of “truth”, and those understandings do not have to be tossed aside to find God's true purpose for my life. However, my church and culture and “people” also have some very great deficits, some gaping holes in our philosophy and thinking that may be even more important than the doctrinal “truths” we possess. That does not necessitate giving up some truths to receive others. God does not work that way. When Jesus dialogged with the woman at Samaria, He did not discount her while bragging about the truth of the Jewish religion. He emphasized that the Father is looking for those who are willing to worship Him in both spirit and truth. I believes this points out our desperate need to integrate very carefully and solidly both intellectual truth, continually reexamined with an open mind, and entering into a spirit, a lifestyle, of intimate bonding and community with His other children in a highly charged atmosphere of joy. I have to admit that me and the people around me are pretty heavy on the first part and very faint on the second.

How do I get there from here? I really don't know. But I do know that I do not want to harbor a spirit of prejudice against those who are experimenting successfully with the second part while maybe misunderstanding some things on the first half. I trust God to lead and convict all those who are honest at heart and I believe at the time He knows best they will embrace more knowledge of His “doctrines”. The real issue for me is my willingness to be just as open to change the things in my life that I am resistant to changing, to be more open and transparent and vulnerable with other believers, to put away selfishness and independence and an attitude of clinging to material possessions at the expense of others. I think I am eager for God to began assembling real community where I am, but I wonder how much I am really ready to participate in it if it were to appear. I don't think I really know.

I do know that my love for those around me is all too very shallow. I am very ashamed at how little genuine love I see in my own heart. Much of the affection I do display may be based on selfish desires to receive affection back instead of selfless love. And my level of joy is not much more than I experienced growing up, which was not far above non-existent. I know my heart is starved for joy, which of course makes me a prime target for some pretty spectacular failure which could expose me at any time. It makes me afraid even to reveal this openly. But I do so in the spirit of honesty and vulnerability in the belief that God is working in my life and has plans to do a lot of repairs in this area.

I would very much like to travel down to Tennessee for at least a weekend and spend a few days with these people to just experience what its like to live in joy for awhile. I have no idea how that would affect me, but I am very sure that it would and that my hunger for living in joyful community would be greatly intensified by the experience. But I still would like to see it first hand and observe how it has shaped the lives of those in the community, both those who have been in it for many years and those who have recently arrived. I believe God would have a lot of things to say to my heart through the experience and I pray that it might happen sooner than later.

Bible Reading for the Soul

Well, I passed something of a milestone this morning and on the same day as my wife's birthday. I cannot remember how many years ago it was, I would guess five or six, maybe more, that I went looking for a new Bible to study. I had recently received training in the inductive method of Bible study and was very excited about the results as I applied these concepts to my personal study time. So to enhance that experience I wanted to find a Bible that had wide empty margins so I could make notes and cross-references of my own. As I searched from store to store I was surprised that I could not find such a Bible. I was getting somewhat frustrated and didn't know what to do until I ran across a New American Standard Bible that was titled The New Inductive Study Bible. It not only had open margins big enough for me to use but it had many suggestions inside on how to study inductively. I also very much liked the fact that it was a NASB because I have heard for years that it is one of the most respected translations for its accuracy by most language experts on the Bible. So I purchased it and began a systematic inductive study of the whole Bible.

Several years before that I had also started compiling my own outline of reading the Bible chronologically and have been trying to fine-tune it ever since. So when I started this reading I decided to follow my own sequence that I had written out while at the same time updating it when I found problems. I also decided to have parallel studies, reading through the Old Testament in one study and the New Testament in the other study so I wouldn't get bogged down and discouraged when the material might seem dry in the OT like I have run into before.

Another factor came into play that fed into my interest in this project was my emerging understanding of the truth about hell-fire and the nature of God in relation to that. As I continued to study inductively through both the Old and New Testaments I was discovering amazing insights about this subject that were radically challenging and dispelling from my mind many of the myths circulating about God in religion today. So I soon decided to begin compiling as many texts as I could discover that shed fresh light on this most important subject so I could better understand and present it to others. I decided that before I tried to put all the pieces together I would like to completely finish at least one full study of the whole Bible so I could uncover as much as possible from the first round.

What I began to uncover began to amaze me even more than I expected. As I read through some of the Old Testament prophets that before I had forced myself to endure and seemed so dry and depressing, this time viewing these passages with new glasses, a new paradigm, I started seeing intense, passionate messages from God that began making me realize that His primary focus of attention, His overpowering obsession, was on the final day of revealing after the millenium. This was a bit of a surprise growing up as I have in a culture that puts almost exclusive emphasis on the Second Coming and the rest of the story almost as an addendum. I began to realize, as I read through books that before were depressing and dry, that God is repeatedly pointing us to the final day when everything will be finished, resolved, and most importantly He can be fully reunited with His children that He has been separated from for so many millenia. These “dry, depressing, boring” prophets of the Old Testament now came alive for me as for the first time I began to glimpse the intense passion of God shining through them in messages that I have never heard anyone talk about before.

Many times I felt the Spirit pointing out things to me that challenged the beliefs I had been raised with. I had to make decisions time after time to lay aside my presuppositions and denominational training to receive what was becoming more and more plain directly from the Word of God. But as I did I began to see such a beautiful consistency that I could never see before. The hard questions that so many people have about God I now realized were almost always produced by false presentations of His character and dealings with us from religious authorities claiming to represent Him.

As I continued to study I would often have brought to my mind other things I had read elsewhere in the Bible that shed significant understanding on what I was reading and I would cross-reference them whenever I could. I began to notice there were certain issues that seem very important to God because the cross-references were beginning to overflow the capacity of my margins to contain them in certain spots. Interestingly, these were often not the “doctrines” that I had always been instructed as being the most important in typical religion. I am not saying they are not important, but what I am discovering is that God seems to often have different priorities on what is important to Him than what typically people have claimed.

So what was the milestone that I reached today? Well, I just reached the end of my first complete study of the Old Testament. I have been through the New Testament several times during the process, but obviously it took much longer to conclude my first reading of the Old Testament. One reason is has taken me so many years to finish this project is that I determinedly resisted the temptation to just “cover territory” in my reading. My Dad used that method for many years and I felt, while it may have had some benefits, that it became more of an end in itself instead of an opportunity to hear the voice of God to the soul. For more years than I was alive he read the whole Bible through every year nearly without fail. Many of those years I was involved in this marathon process, and it certainly made us well acquainted with the Bible very early on. It also had the distinct benefit of making me a very proficient reader very early in grade school. Since we were usually required to participate in this reading every day in family worship, I very early on had to grapple with words well beyond what most others my age were familiar with. And that, all in the ancient, confusing dialect of the King James Version.

Now that I have finished my first pass through the whole Bible, what am I going to do next? Well, I'm really sure yet – its only been a few minutes since I finished. I have a number of partial topic studies that have emerged in the process but I don't know if I will finish them or not. I will likely start over at the beginning and do another pass, as this time I have no doubt I will discover far more that I did the first time. As my “glasses” improve I am able to see so much more in almost every passage than I ever thought possible before. Of course, none of this can take place by my own skill and wisdom. I believe none of these wonderful revelations came to me because of my smartness or personal wisdom. I have daily been careful to ask God to use His Spirit to reveal the truth about Himself to me in what I read and He has been faithful to do it.

These past years of study have changed much of my life, my core beliefs, and certainly my relationship with God. I am so appreciative that so many times God has revealed important concepts to me before I learned from other people similar insights that confirmed what I had recently discovered. If I had read their books first, it could be insinuated that I was just a follower of that person and his devised ideas about religion. But because I discovered them myself, then when I read other books, even when I didn't realize they were on the same subject, these writings only served to deepen my convictions and broaden the base of my understanding.

One project that I do want to work on now is to finish compiling all the texts that I noted during my study on the subject of hell, the fire of God, wrath, etc. and begin to analyze them, organize them and try to help others make better sense of them. A number of people during this time have urged me to write on this subject. I have written a number of pieces on it which are now on my blog, most of them under the label of “hell” and “wrath”. However, I fear there are still big chunks missing that need to be filled in and a more systematic organization needs to be developed to make it easier for others who are open-minded searchers to discover for themselves what I have been learning.

Another very enriching experience for me has been getting into some of the stories of the Bible and experiencing the emotions of the people involved. I have done a great deal of underlining as I read as well as cross-referencing and notation. Some of the stories seemed to just explode off the pages and I would find myself scrambling to write down the pictures, emotions and details that I saw emerging from the text. I found that if I watched for “emotion-relative” words in the text and allowed myself to enter into those emotions as I read the context that I would see so much more in the story than I had ever done before. Often I would grab a legal pad and began writing what I was seeing and experiencing and ended up with quite a number of pads full of notes. Some of them were lost when we moved from Michigan to Illinois but I hope that someday they will show up again so I can copy them into my computer. I have been transcribing all the the pads that I do have and have been slowly adding them to my blog as I have time. In the past few days I have been sick, but I have also been copying the story of Peter just after the resurrection of Jesus. There was so much there that I could relate to. I wrote these stories back in the end of 2005 and as I put them on my blog I enter them under the approximate dates that they were written and then label them according to their general content. Even the process of copying these stories off the pads into digital format has been a real blessing to me, reminding me of lessons and important things that I need to remember myself. I pray that God will simply use them to maybe inspire others to look at Him differently and maybe even to began recording their own thoughts and insights as the Spirit reveals God to them as well.

One important thing I learned and observed when we were being trained and were experiencing inductive Bible study was the crucial element of self-discovery under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Time after time during those studies people would be overwhelmed by the depth and beauty of seemingly insignificant words and phrases when the insight and conviction suddenly broke into their heart. I have experienced this many times in my own study as well. But it is only the presence of God that creates the environment for this to happen and stay in truth. If God's Spirit of truth is not invited and encouraged to be present by maintaining a humble, teachable spirit on our part, we will inevitably arrive at conclusions that will distort the truth about God and perpetuate the enemy's lies while we will not realize what is happening.

But God has a vested interest in revealing the truth about Himself to every one of us. He does not play favorites. He has promised to personally tutor absolutely anyone who is willing to entertain a hunger to know Him intimately and challenge the lies about Him that have ruined our lives for so long. I continue to want to choose that place. I want my capacity to greatly increase. As I look inside and see how frighteningly small my capacity is to love even my own immediate family, I cringe in horror and regret. But I believe that my only hope is to continue to connect at a heart level to the One who has infinite capacity for love and has the power to progressively create more capacity and more love of the real kind inside me that I so desperately need.

Twelvetribes Discovered

A most unusual and exciting (for me) development happened yesterday. But first I must fill in the background.

28 years ago my wife and I were very poor, expecting our first child, and stuck in Oregon with no money to get back home to Tennessee where our home was. We had made tentative arrangements with a Doctor in TN to deliver our baby but had never met him yet. After befriending an old man in Oregon that was marginalized by many of the people in the local church we began spending a lot of time at his very tiny house cleaning it up and trying to organize all his stuff. He did not see very well so the house was in terrible shape with all of his belongings and clothes mixed up everywhere, the shades pulled down and mold growing rampant on the walls. I did not have any work at the time so we both invested most of our time working on cleaning and organizing his house while enjoying his company. He was actually very knowledgeable health, diet and many other things. He had made friends of some of the students at the local university where he worked picking up trash who sometimes came over to learn from him. His kitchen was so narrow that if you wanted to pass anyone, then everyone had to exit the kitchen and rearrange the order and then go back in.

When we finally got the house pretty well clean we realized that it needed painting after cleaning the mold away. I called his landlord and asked if he would be willing to pay for the paint and some simple equipment to paint it with. I was a painter but did not have any tools with me. The landlord not only offered to pay for the paint but insisted he would pay for my services as well.

This was a God-send for us, for we desperately needed the money to go back home before our daughter was born.

Not long after we did leave for home, stopping for a week in Colorado to work a little more and stay with relatives. I so much wanted to just stay there it was so beautiful, but with my wife eight months pregnant we felt we should take the money we earned and go on home.

On the way home we stopped to see the doctor that we had arranged with to deliver our baby. After visiting with him for awhile we both felt strongly that we did not want him involved in the birth. Everything in his protocol revolved around his convenience and we were very uncomfortable with his spirit. However, this put us into a deep quandary with the baby due almost any day and no doctor and no money.

At this point I back up in time to explain about a Community based in Chattanooga that lived very much like the New Testament Christians, sharing everything in common and worshiping with joy, living in community as believers. They had started up a number of small deli's called The Yellow Deli and were a delight to be around. We used to enjoy (when we could squeeze out enough money) dropping in especially on Saturday nights when they would have live music, Jewish-style dancing and various craftsmen while the patrons watched from the main floor or the balcony reached by a spiral staircase. I was always to timid to join in the dancing but we enjoyed watching them.

We knew that this Community delivered all their own babies and many of the mothers would help each other by nursing their babies while taking turns working for the Community. It seemed a bit strange to many people but we found it somewhat intriguing. After we had been home back from Oregon for a short time and had received no useful ideas as to what we could do about our predicament after approaching the local church and others, we decided to approach the Community from the Yellow Deli and see if there was any possibility that they could help us.

They sat down with us and began asking us questions like, how did we feel about home births, what were our convictions in this area, etc. I had never really thought about it so I did not have any strong convictions. I thought it was a neat idea but did not hold it as a strong belief.

At first they were very reluctant to assist us. This was understandable given the growing tension in the area against them by the local religious community. A very large Baptist college just a few blocks away had but an emphatic ban on any of their students ever stepping foot into their restaurants or Community on pain of expulsion. Other churches in the area had begun to spread slanderous reports about them and things were not looking well for them in that town.

But after visiting with us for awhile the leaders softened their face toward us and became more sympathetic with our plight. They were a bit shocked when they asked us when the baby was due and we told them it was due right now. They agreed to let their midwives help us deliver the baby at home on condition that we read the book they recommended to us called Birth Without Violence and another book that I cannot now remember. I did read the book which strongly influenced my feelings and convictions about home birth. They also gave us a list of simple materials that we needed to purchase and prepare before the birth. When they learned that we did not have any money whatsoever they even gave us 20-30 dollars to purchase them.

Two weeks later our first daughter was born in the evening after several hours of labor. There were probably 4-5 midwives there at least helping out with one of them there to nurse another one's baby. We had a very wonderful experience watching and helping with the birth and felt honored to be able to make her first memories of the outside world with her family in our own house with such kind people in attendance.

Not long after this things turned much worse for the Community. The local churches whipped up the prejudice of their members and the city against this Community spreading blatant lies about them even on television. Parents of one of the girls about to be married in the Community were so paranoid that they even hired a professional to literally kidnap her and hold her in an abandoned house for many days while they imposed intense psychological “deprogramming” on her until she was willing to say she did not love the man she was to marry and leave the Community. After a series of such incidents the Community closed all of their Deli's, sold their houses and moved to Vermont where they had already established another Community. After that I was never to here of their whereabouts again in spite of repeated attempts to track them down over the past 28 years.

Now we are living in Illinois with our latest “adopted” daughter staying with us. This daughter decided a couple weeks ago to hop into a truck that the son of a friend of ours was delivering to Colorado who had stopped by for the night. She traveled with him out there while he talked nearly non-stop in his excitement at having a new friend, which created its own problems at times. After they delivered the truck in Colorado he bought her a bus ticket to return back home while he took a bus back to Indiana to pick up another vehicle. The ticket she got sent her on a two or three day trip down through NM and TX before getting back to Illinois.

While she was sitting at the bus stop in Albuquerque, NM she notice a man sitting across the room who seemed to have a lot of peace about his countenance. He noticed her as well and after awhile came over to visit with her commenting about her spirit that he could see. He said he was on his way to a commune in Colorado called the Twelvetribes where everyone shared things in common and treated each other in Christian love. After leaving the room he returned and handed her his card commenting that he didn't know why he was giving it to her but just felt impressed that he should.

After she arrived back home she looked up the commune that he had told her about with the internet information he had given her and bookmarked it for me to look at. She thought I might be interested since we have been learning a lot about the importance of community and relationships over the past few years.

So yesterday I decided to look into what she had found. I went to the website and found listings of maybe thousands of intentional communities all over the world of every kind imaginable. I looked under Twelvetribes and found a listing of 36 communities by that name. As I looked through the list I noticed that there was one in Chattanooga. This peaked my curiosity so I clicked on the link to check it out.

Just the day before I had received an answer to my email query to a church in TX called the Vine Church wondering if they had any roots in Chattanooga. I remember hearing the name Vine in connection with the Yellow Deli and had run across this church on the web while trying to track down one of the speakers we saw on video last weekend at the Marriage Covenant weekend we attended. The pastor wrote back that they had never been in Chattanooga, that they had started up in TX many years ago. So I dismissed one more attempt to trace down the people we had met so many years ago.

As I began reading the web site for the Twelvetribes Community I began to get very excited. It was starting to look very much like they might have links to the original group we had known before. I quickly skipped to the page in their history about Chattanooga and was overjoyed to discover that it was the very same people. They had recently returned to town and are planning to open a new Yellow Deli as soon as things work out. I was so excited I could hardly take time to read much of the other history except to find our where they had moved to when they left town.

At this point I determined that I had to talk to someone in this new establishment and find out if any of the same people were there, especially any of the midwives. So I picked up the phone and called the number in Chattanooga. A lady answered the phone and I asked her if this was the Twelvetribe Community. She assured me it was and I began explaining to her why I was calling. It turned out that the lady I was talking with was one of the original members of the Community and was living there when we met them. She personally knew all the midwives and gave me their names, which definitely sounded very familiar even though I am terrible remembering names.

As we talked she herself began getting more excited. When I told her that they had delivered our daughter I'm not sure if she believed me or not. She told me that during that time they had only delivered three babies outside their Community. Then as her excitement grew, she relayed to me that she had been visiting with an Herbalist associated with Wildwood where my sister had lived at the time we were living down there. She had been talking with him since last June but he did not know her association with the Community. Then one day last December when she went in to see him she dropped off a sheet of paper talking about their Community and the Yellow Deli. When he saw the reference to the Yellow Deli he became very excited. He told her that their midwives had delivered his daughter during that time and he did not know they were around again.

When this lady relayed this to one of the midwives who is now living there again she was overjoyed at finding one of the families they had helped. As we talked, we were both excited that now two out of three of the families they had delivered for had now reconnected with them and we wondered if maybe the third might be found as well.

Since my wife was working an extra-long shift she was not with me in the conversation. I asked all kinds of questions about their community life, their history and their experiences. I did not have near enough time to ask most of the questions but I told them we would love to see them again. She assured me that we were welcome any time and they would have a room for us. I believe we would love to take them up on that.

Their communities are now multiplied all over the world. They are open and welcoming to visitors who are free to stay and participate and observe community life. Something about this is very magnetic to the soul. We were all designed in our hearts to live in transparent community with each other in the family of God. Religious perversions over the centuries have all but obliterated the experience of the early New Testament Church believers. And while many have attempted to replicate what they read about that time, it almost always fails because it is mixed with false ideas about leadership and ends up stirring in the element of force, intimidation or deception to achieve the desired appearance.

But I firmly believe that God will arrange circumstances so that once again it will be seen that His body on earth can live in harmony, community and love for each other that has not been seen since early A.D. It will not be imposed on anyone or carefully managed by power-brokers looking for influence. It will occur most likely in the strangest ways and come out of traumatic events putting together some of the most unexpected people in the world's eyes (and that includes the “religious” people).God will arrange people in connections that He has been preparing them for individually over time to be perfectly linked to others who have been prepared to perfectly compliment their strengths and weaknesses.

I believe that there are communities today that may be approaching somewhat that design. To the extent that they are willing to be humble and led by the true Spirit of God, they will more and more reflect and remind us of the original church in the early days of the Apostles, full of the passion of God and overflowing with rivers of love and compassion for those around them. I'm hungry for it. I crave it and want to not only see it in action but to be fully embraced in it. I'm not saying that these Twelvetribes communities are doing this. I know very little about them at this point. But I detect a sincerity and see some of the symptoms of genuineness that I believe will result from experiencing real community in the family of God.

So that is my story today. I am eager to share it with more of my family and especially my daughter that was the one involved. I am hoping that it will not be too long before we will have a chance to met them in person. And in the meantime, I intend to spend some time on the phone learning more details and renewing bonds that we were afraid were lost forever.

P.S. If you are curious about learning more about this Community you can read about them on the web at www.twelvetribes.org

Law and Lucifer

The Law is a description of God's character.

We are created in the image of God so His description also describes how we are designed.

Lucifer was the closest created being in the universe to the presence of God so he know God's description (the law) better than anyone else.

When the law is divorced from its source, it loses its connection to life. That is why it is impossible to keep the law by trying, just like it is impossible for a branch to grow and thrive without connection to “perform as designed” as he moved away from close relationship to God. So the substitute power he attempted to use was force. Since being close to God while not in sympathy and submission to Him was found to be impossible, Lucifer began to weave more and more force into his “theology” of government that he was developing among his subordinate angels. What he discovered in the process of using force on others was the new reaction of fear, the unholy kind, that was elicited in their hearts. He was familiar with this fear because he had begun to experience it himself more and more as he fell out of harmony with God. He also discovered that fear was a powerful motivator and seized upon it as a most valuable tool in the formulation of his “alternative” plan of living that he was piecing together.

The recipe he developed was designed to achieve most wonderful results of perfection apart from dependence on God. He claimed that beings had inherent life enough to achieve the external results of “law-keeping” without being subjected to the “humiliation” of submitting all rights in worship to the Son as well as the Father. As rebellion quickly grew like a cancer hidden deep in his heart he moved to infect as many as possible to share his feelings and convince them of the superiority of his new “insights”. Since he had been God's appointed being to be the chief revealer of Himself outside of Christ, the deception was intensely overwhelming and confusing to all the intelligent beings of the universe. There were now conflicting assertions about how to live and how to relate both to each other and to God. Lucifer's arguments were forceful, logical and very appealing in some respects. But something inside felt strange and dissonant like a warning light. But to complicate things, warning was itself something new and strange since there never before had been anything evil to be warned from.

The basics of Satan's government relies on these counterfeit principles from God's government:

Prideful independence, force or control and fear. The counterpart of these in God's family-based government is selfless love, faith and hope. Satan's government found it necessary to admit that rules were needed to keep things functioning so it launched into the throes of legalism, his attempt to achieve “perfection”, utopia, outside of a relationship with God. Since his emphasis was on externals, due to his new-found infatuation with himself and his beauty, he combined his tools of force, pride and fear in a claim that these would be the necessary elements that would provide everything needed for life apart from God. Of course the use of deception was growing exponentially to keep all of this intact. And by the time critical mass was reached in his campaign to convince the universe of the merits of his alternative government of force, one-third of all the angels of heaven had been convinced that his plan was viable and they would buy into his grand scheme.

In his now intense pride that had its unquenchable appetite for attention and worship, Satan launched the great war in earnest. One of his key points for success was to divorce the obvious need to “function as designed” (law-keeping) from an intimate connection with God, the Source of all life. If beings were to do this it would take away from Satan's source of worship and control. Since control by force was foundational to his legalistic philosophy of life, then all who understood the need for “law” would be steered to achieve that end by control and force. They would adopt not only heroic attempts to force themselves to be like God (keeping the law), but given the unavoidable failure that would bring they would then take stringent measures to control everyone possible around them by fear and force to make them feel more fulfilled. This would perfectly mimic Satan's own history and mirror his own intense emptiness and dissatisfaction. By imposing force on those under their control through abuse, guilt, violence or any other means, they would be in essence trying to induce worship to themselves thereby following Satan's example and suggestions.

The essence of worship is making something or someone of highest value above other objects of attention. The Great War is all about worship. Satan craves our worship, and when we follow his example and suggestions we give him the worship he craves and give him momentary pleasure. But because he has no life to give in return for worship we then find ourselves in a deficit situation in the economy of life itself. The absence of life is death. The wages of sin is death. That is not a punishment, it is merely a statement of reality and fact.

The great discussions of Paul in the Bible about Law and Grace are often confusing because we do not understand them in the context of the bigger picture. The law is a description of God, sort of like a picture shows us to some extent what someone looks like. But any attempts to become like that description ourselves will short-circuit our designed mental apparatus just like the debilitating effects of pornography addiction degrades and destroys the systems of those trapped in that imitation of intimacy.

Humans were designed first and foremost for intimate relationships. This must be understood clearly as foundational to any other proposition about life. Ignoring this fundamental fact of life is what enrages and frustrates millions who reject God and Christianity as a fraud. Inherently and intuitively they understand that they need meaningful relationships far more than they need rules and control by some outside meddling, threatening force. They are absolutely right in this assessment. This is the most misunderstood element in religion today. Because we have bought into the lie of law divorced from its source we reject everything having anything to do with all of it. Our society reinforces this lie by producing millions upon millions of laws divorced from relationship with their source that are mostly not only ridiculous but often pernicious in their nature.

But the mountain of lies that keep us in dense darkness still do not change the real facts about God and life and how we are designed. Our hearts still crave satisfaction and fulfillment and real love. We cannot escape our design anymore that a computer can function without its circuit-boards. What we desperately need is a fresh revelation and re-connection to the One who designed us this way. He is the great socket that has the correct configuration for our plugs to connect into. Though nearly every representation of Him has been severely distorted into grotesque pictures of fear and disgust by the lies of the enemy, often through the channels of our parents, our churches, our abusers etc., the truth still stands unaffected and undisturbed outside of all that, waiting for any opportunity to break into our emptiness and ravish our hearts with the affection and joy that we so deeply crave. There is no heart so damaged or ravaged that there is not healing and grace more than enough to restore it to wholeness and beauty. There is no history to dark and full of shame or fear that cannot be filled with light, hope and peace. The lies about God must be shattered by the exposure of His perfect and never-ending love. Every attribute of God's true character has been slandered, and every slander has been subtly incorporated into various aspects of religion to keep us from knowing Him as we should. We must challenge every assumption, every rendition, every rehearsal of God's acts and attitudes to discover the real truth and consistency of the real God.

Every one of us carries latent lies in various ways about who God is and how He relates to us. But if we give Him permission He will reveal Himself to us progressively and draw us into an amazing intimacy with himself that surpasses any intimacy we have ever know as much as the sun surpasses the moon in brightness and more.

Problems with Packaging Truth

Maybe God is looking for human tubes of faith, like fiber optic strands, long enough to punch holes in the dark covering surrounding us and conduct rays of light into our hearts, our families and communities. But even then, if we punch through to the light but focus primarily on only receiving light for ourselves we may become clogged and overheated from the light because we are not enjoying the blessings that come from being free-flowing channels. None of us can see all the light, our tubes will never have that capacity in all eternity. But collectively when all the tubes convey the light that is given to them and freely allow it to pass on to others, the artificial dark sky that blocks our vision of God will begin to shine with lights brighter and brighter like ever-increasing luminous stars. This is the harbinger of the glorious day when everyone in God's family will shine with the intensity of fully blazing suns when His glory is fully revealed. And even in that day, each person will simply be a fully transparent conduit of light that displays a unique aspect of God's life-giving power and passion, His character and glory that perfectly compliments all the other “fiber optics” receiving and displaying the glorious love and beauty of God.

This morning I was thinking about the penchant for religious people to pre-package truth into carefully arranged clusters and labeled according to denomination or system. Each package arranges different truths in their own preferred priority and highlights two or three items that they insist are the most important. Then they often attach a pocket of explosive condemnation powder to the trigger of their favorite doctrines or maybe to one's non-acceptance of their whole package. If a person is not ready to embrace the package deal and submit to the groups foregone conclusions and research then they are subject to the explosion of condemnation which is considered an appropriate consequence for “rejection of light”. This tends to make many people very gun-shy of looking at different packages other than what they are familiar with, or if they are coming from outside of religion they are skeptical of all the packages.

The religious groups insist that the explosive reactions to disagreeing with them are due to the light inherent in truth. They believe that if you reject their brand of packaged truth then you will suffer the pains of guilt and condemnation and despair deserving to anyone so brazen or foolish as to reject them. Each group exercises a reservoir of condemnation and guilt to lay on any and all rejectors of their “truth” to reinforce and amplify any natural feelings of guilt to dissenters. They label these dissenters “rejectors of mercy” or “rebellious” or “defiant and proud” or any number of other titles.

This whole arrangement is purported to be the difference between light and darkness. Everyone not inside the group and submissive to the spiritual authority of the promulgators of that system are considered in a lost condition and in opposition and rebellion against God. “You are either for us or against us” they loudly proclaim. And so honest-hearted people searching for God or just looking to make sense of the confusion and questions in their own heart are kept at a distance from each of these packages because of the explosive potential and damage to be suffered if they get close enough to evaluate and consider the viability of truth for their own lives.

In contrast, my mind was directed to Gideon's army and the “weapons” God instructed him to equip them with. Their primary and initially exclusive weapons against the enemy were two instruments alone – torches and trumpets. At first the torchlight was hidden inside some sort of breakable container that could be easily shattered to release the full, glorious light of the torch in stark contrast to the deep darkness of the night. The trumpets were to give “a certain sound” all together in perfect unity as the light was revealed. There was no explosions, no fearfulness on the part of the participants, no defensiveness and not even any aggression. There was only the clear revelation of undiluted, unobstructed light and the startling, clear sound of music so harmonious and so loud that it could not be ignored. The light overcame the darkness and the sound aroused everyone from sleep or confused stupor. The sides were clearly defined by those who were trusting God and those who turned to fight each other.

Covenant Training

I realize that most of the time the ones to whom I speak words of affirmation and blessing to are people generally make me feel better about myself or that I think will give me a sense of worth. Those who are difficult and negative and are hard for me to live around or who are just bland and not very life-giving, with these people I struggle to think of anything to say to be life-giving and affirmative. This is quite normal for most of us and nothing unusual. This is the result of contract thinking – responding in kind to how people make us feel.

I was reminded of what Jesus said. It is easy to bless those who bless you and curse those who curse you. But being children of your Father in heaven we are to bless those who curse you and do good to those who misuse you. That is covenant living in contrast to contract living.

We are here this weekend in Branson, MO attending a Marriage Covenant Weekend by Mannalife and Family Foundations. Last night and this morning Craig Hill explained the different aspects and elements that are involved in covenants. It is very fascinating and enlightening and has enormous implications for all of life if taken seriously.

One of the most important differences between covenants and contracts is that contracts are bilateral promises that are contingent on performance by the agreeing parties involved. In contrast, covenants involve unilateral commitments by each party that are binding irregardless of the performance or non-performance of the other person. In contracts each party hires lawyers to take their side and work to defend them and protect their rights and privileges. In covenant there is one enforcer who does not take the side of either party but is there to defend, protect and look out for the interests of the covenant itself.

When I put on these glasses and again look back at the Bible, I am amazed to see how much of the teachings of Jesus are an urgent invitation for us to leave our contract-based religion and relationships, particularly with God, and enter back into covenant relationships and ways of thinking. This can be very frightening at first because it strips away all our reservations and alternatives and leaves us completely vulnerable in every way to the person we are in covenant with. But when the benefits are realized and the amazing potential for growth and increased satisfaction and fulfillment are taken into consideration, it becomes obvious that this is really what we were designed for in our deepest hearts. This has been God plan for His people since before the beginning of time and will always continue into eternity. Contract-based relationships are the basis of Satan's counterfeit government and lead to fractured hearts, disappointment and incredible pain.

Jesus, in myself I do not find the capacity and natural tendencies to be a faithful covenant keeper. My mind and heart often draw a blank even if I choose to try. This is definitely where You are going to have to live out through me Your own character and desires, overriding my natural tendencies. Train my heart, open my heart, cause me to live from my heart with You abiding there so others will receive Your blessing in their lives in spite of my emptiness and brokenness.

Be like your Father in heaven – He does not treat us as we deserve or based on how we treat Him – that is contract thinking – but be like Him in how He unilaterally loves and blesses all because that is what it is like Him to do. If we are His children, then we learn to act like His family in covenant thinking in the way we treat our enemies as well as those who love us.

Jesus Stuck in the Heart

What happens when, after I genuinely invite Jesus to live in my heart, I fail to practice daily living from my heart? It looks to me like I would be trapping Jesus into a box that was never designed to contain Him. I would be starving the life of Jesus in me, because His life would not be able to receive nourishment from doing the things Jesus does for nourishment.

Where does Jesus get nourishment? He stated that clearly several times when he was here on earth. He told Satan in the wilderness that 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God.' He also explained to His disciples His source of nourishment after thrilling the heart of the woman in Samaria. “His disciples urged Him, saying, 'Rabbi, eat.' But He said to them, 'I have food to eat of which you do not know.'” When they seemed confused Jesus said to them, “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work.”

The apostles John and Paul both go to great lengths to explain and emphasize the importance of having Jesus dwell within us. Our heart is where Jesus dwells when He comes into our life. But religion has all but annihilated our experience of living from our heart, and this puts tremendous constraint on the ability of Jesus to express His life through us.

If, after we have received Jesus as our Saviour, we continue to insist on only living from our head and reject God's calls for us to open our hearts to each other so that Jesus can be seen in us, at some point in time that life that was placed within us will be crowded out and we will discover too late that we are again in a lost condition. Eternal life is entered into when we accept Christ. But it is not irrevocable on our part. It is like the seed in the parable of the sower. If we harden our hearts by living from our heads in religious activities and formal routines we do not allow the seed to take root and the enemy of our souls will steal it away.

Of course, there are other ways we can shut out the life of Jesus from surviving within us. The parable explains that a heart that is too shallow, that refuses the life of Jesus to go deeper into the heart can eventually starve out the life of Jesus within our heart and cause it to perish. Also allowing other emotions and pressures to take priority over nurturing the life and growth of Jesus' desires in our heart and life can have a similar effect. While the seed will do everything it can to survive and take root, it is ultimately our choices to live from our heart in openness and honesty that will allow Jesus to continue to grow His eternal life within us.

So it is apparent that living from the heart is a very important practice if we want to fully experience eternal life. It is not enough to just accept Jesus as our Saviour and do nothing more. However important that is, it must be followed up by a willingness and honesty to bare our hearts both to ourselves and to others in the body of Christ is He is to incorporate us into the dynamic community of saints, the living organism of the great mystery of redemption.

If Jesus is living in my heart, and I know He does because of the confirmation of His Spirit, I need to allow Him access to all my equipment so He can produce fruit that will testify to His power to transform. It's His specialty and He is faithful.

God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. 1 Cor. 1:9

Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass. 1 Thess. 5:24

Celebration Holiness

As I lay in bed this morning trying to work up enough energy to get up I talked with God about my feelings, my family and my relationship with Him as I usually do when I wake up. This morning I had a noticeable feeling of longing for a deeper conversion and closeness to Him, a dissatisfaction with my current condition, an increased hunger for the real presence of God. I asked Him to bless me, to tell me directly Himself who I am and how He feels about me. I chose to restrain myself from bringing to mind verses that explain what He thinks about me even though I realize there is a place for that. I want a fresh, personal message of affirmation from Him that I know I did not generate myself.

After I got up and dressed I settled into my chair for my morning time with God. I always try to avoid allowing my devotions to get too much into a rut. My Dad got so much into a routine with “worship” that it seemed to me that the routine had become far more important than God Himself – maybe even a god itself. I do not say this to be critical, but it has been a lesson of warning for me. So even though I do have a routine that I generally follow, two devotional books and an organized sequence of Bible study, I try to always remember that everything I read is primarily for the purpose of listening with an open heart and emotions to catch what God may want to share with me through what I read. I try to stay alert for impressions inside of me. I take careful note especially of emotion words and descriptions in what I am reading so I can better understand the sense of what people were feeling and especially what God is feeling. This has greatly enhanced my devotions and is helping me to better synchronize my heart with His heart which is what I pray for every day.

I want an experience with God that is far beyond a mere intellectually correct understanding of “truth”, though that is a good structure. I want to experience the beauty and passion of God in the context of truth – I want the best of both and I believe that's what God wants for all of us. Doctrinal truth is like the bones inside our bodies. It is crucial to have all the bones in the right place and in healthy condition. But if that is all you are interested in you will have a spiritual condition that may more resemble a scary Halloween party than a love affair with the ultimate Lover.

This morning I listened for what God might have to say. It is like Him to answer this kind of prayer after He puts the hunger for Him inside my heart early in the day. So I listened and read and dealt with the mental distractions and diversions and brought my mind back to pay attention to what I had missed while reading without concentration. Then I opened to Nehemiah where I had left off yesterday and began reading chapter eight.

This is the story of Israel after they had returned from captivity in Babylon. Ezra and Nehemiah and the prophets Haggai and Zechariah had been working hard to encourage the people and retrain them in the ways of God. There was a lot of problems going on, not only in rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem (which I found strong parallels to rebuilding the walls around our families in blessing and holiness), but there was a lot of abuse and major spiritual problems going on. The rulers and the rich were exploiting the rest of the people (sounds very familiar) and a lot of arrogance and hypocrisy was evident. At the same time there was a hunger for returning to God and a life more in harmony with Him so they would not have to suffer the terrible consequences that they had just come out of for the sins of their ancestors.

Chapter eight tells about a large gathering of all the people soon after the walls had been rebuilt and they were feeling a bit more secure. It says that “ all the people gathered as one man at the square which was in front of the Water Gate, and they asked Ezra the scribe to bring the book of the law of Moses which the LORD had given to Israel.” This looks like an interesting event. Something compelling is going on here. There seems to be an undercurrent of strong desire that resonates with what I am feeling this morning.

The next ten verses paint an emotional picture of people very hungry for God and very involved and emotionally connected in their worship. “Ezra opened the book in the sight of all the people for he was standing above all the people; and when he opened it, all the people stood up. Then Ezra blessed the LORD the great God. And all the people answered, 'Amen, Amen!' while lifting up their hands; then they bowed low and worshiped the LORD with their faces to the ground.”

Wow! I wish I could participate in a powerful worship experience like that. I believe I will sometime somewhere when the time is ripe.

Then I read something that really grabbed my attention. It lists a number of men – Levites – who it says “explained the law to the people while the people remained in their place. They read from the book, from the law of God, translating to give the sense so that they understood the reading.” This is exciting to me. This is the kind of thing that we need today. We need Levite-type people who can read, translate and make sense of what God is really trying to say to us. I realize we have an over-abundance of preachers and writers claiming to do just that, and some of them actually do. But I found this fascinating taking place in real-time in an assembly where people are gathered specifically to discover God for themselves. And I believe there is a big difference between explaining and making sense of the Word of God like I have experienced in inductive Bible studies, and those who want to pre-digest the Word and then insist that their interpretation is the voice of God and you must agree with them completely. The first is a real heart-sharing and opening experience and the second is no more than dogmatism.

But the real bombshell exploded my emotions open when I read the effect that this experience had on all these hungry people soaking up the Word and presence of God. For whatever reason it says that “all the people were weeping when they heard the words of the law.” What was really interesting was the response to this situation. The leaders led by God's Spirit pointed out that this day was “holy to the Lord your God; do not mourn or weep.”

“Then he said to them, 'Go, eat of the fat, drink of the sweet, and send portions to him who has nothing prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.'

So the Levites calmed all the people, saying, 'Be still, for the day is holy; do not be grieved.'

All the people went away to eat, to drink, to send portions and to celebrate a great festival, because they understood the words which had been made known to them.”

The Lord spoke to my heart and melted it this morning. I was overwhelmed that He is the kind of God that would lift up the chin of someone who was weeping, like I am when I read these words myself, and say, “There is more than what you thought! Don't just be sad in your repentance. Go past that and celebrate the incredible goodness of God to you. Celebrate by indulging in the blessings God has given you and by sharing those blessing with those who don't have them yet. When you get this close to God, when you encounter the real holiness of God, instead of fear I want you unleash your heart in celebration, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!”

Thank-you God so much for that blessing, that affirmation that you primed me for this morning. I feel rich just because you honor me with personal revelations of Yourself like this. I feel grief much of the time because I am so unlike You and feel so stuck in my stuff. But you are telling me something very different here than what I expect you to say to me. Please help me to live more fully from my heart free of the suffocating inhibitions that have held me in lies about you all my life. You have lured me to Your heart for years, inviting me to live with abandon in the safety of your love. I give you permission to continue what You are doing inside me. Now its time to go eat some fat and drink some sweet and send gifts to someone who has nothing prepared, who doesn't realize the truth about Your goodness and is still living in terror of You. O God, make my life a better celebration for Your glory.

Thoughts for StS

2/7/07

I arrived at the men's group last night late and they were already well into discussion. After I arrived we called StS to see how things were going for him. During the phone call I was praying for focus and struggling against the strong urges of my flesh or picker to throw out advice without waiting for the Spirit first. I was studying my motives and not particularly happy with what I was finding. So I kept quiet and prayed inwardly and waited to see what God would do. I have found that waiting for God's timing always seems to result in better outcomes.

I observed that Satan is targeting StS very intensely along with his family right at the most critical time in their son's life at the age of twelve. Craig Hill has pointed out that this is very common because Satan intends to steal any blessing that might and should be passed to the children from their father at the age when they need it the most. Our culture has not only completely forgotten the rite of passage to adulthood that many other cultures still observe, but Satan has succeeded in ripping the father completely out of so many families particularly at this very point in time in their children's lives. Thereby, instead of a specific blessing being imparted to the child empowering them for success a curse is cast over their life that they must struggle under for years to come if not remediated.

I also sense that God may be using this situation for StS to create an internal hunger for Himself that is so necessary for us to move into deeper dependence on Him. We go through so much of our lives in easy cooperation with so many of our hidden false gods, sources of support and satisfaction that are so acceptable and approved by our friends and religious people. We have no idea of the extent of our dependence on these gods until tension and conflict rise to an intensity that draws our attention to alert us that all is not right. Even then it is so difficult to admit or recognize our cherished idols after they seemingly have served us so well for so many years. And even then, only the Holy Spirit can safely convict us of these arrangements without driving us into over-defensiveness or hopeless condemnation.

So often it is easy for me to see what I believe are the problems of those around me and desire to point them out so they can see and correct them. You can easily see where this is going. All I have to do is remember how well that works with me when others try it on me. But when the Spirit convicts me of the things that are preventing me from experiencing the deeper, richer intimacy that is God's desire for me to come close to Him and also my growing desire, it gives a completely different perspective on letting go of my idols. I need to see more clearly the contrast between the shallow and temporary satisfaction or pleasure offered by these false sources and the lavish, extravagant riches of favor, grace, freedom and power that my Creator is eagerly waiting to flood into my life.

I would like to strongly recommend to StS the full set of Munchies by Jim Wilder. This is an invaluable source of wisdom that has been a blessing to those of us who are listening to them. They come in MP3 format which makes them even easier to take with and listen to anywhere. He covers a wide range of things that are extremely practical and yet very profound. God has gifted him with wisdom and I am so glad he is sharing it with us. I believe that it would make a great contribution to the capacity of StS to perceive what is really going on in his current struggle for perspective.

I see an intense thrust of the enemy of souls to cast a veil of deception that is not unlike the spells used in heathen countries to control people and distort their view of reality. I believe we are all subjected to various intensities of magical-like powers endeavoring to deceive us and prevent us from living in freedom. But there are times when the spell is greatly intensified, when the enemy specifically targets an individual or family and all sorts of strange events and behaviors are displayed. This is when it is most dangerous to follow human wisdom and counsel. It is when we need a strong infusion of divine insights, revelations and frequent immersions in the conscious presence of God. The intensity of the struggle is directly proportional to the value of the things at stake. We are up against the greatest thief in the history of the universe. He hates our souls and our families because they are so valuable to God. But we have available to us the far-surpassing resources of protection and means of exposure to unveil his schemes if we will learn to live in the true reality of heaven's atmosphere.

I am praying for StS and his family that God will have permission to intercept the attacks, preempt the illusionary thoughts and urges with revelations of what is true reality, and flood light into what is now shadows and confusion. I would encourage you, StS, to practice the praise and worship strategy to disable the powers arrayed against you, to fill your mind with contemplations of what God is really like and call to memory the words that God has spoken to reveal Himself to us. Do not give an inch to any thoughts of failure or alternative plans. Launch yourself into the battle for your soul and align all your resources with God's will. Release all dependence on anything that interferes with total trust in God's love and test God's faithfulness. Remember, God is passionately on your side to infuse life, abundant life into your heart and your family.

Every struggle produces strength unless we don't resist. The muscles we use to resist become stronger. If we resist God by trusting our own plans and wisdom, then those ways of thinking become stronger. If we submit to God and resist the Devil, then those character muscles are strengthened. When we practice focusing on the truth about God we release that very power into our experience. Notice all the incredible stories of victory in the Bible and how many of them were preceded by rehearsals of God's wonders from the past. God is eager to reveal His power again but needs our permission through the agency of our faith in His faithfulness.

Bind the Sacrifice

The reading in My Utmost for His Highest today talks about a very uncomfortable issue that God has been pressing me about. I have realized at times when He convicts me about things I say to others that are self-promoting or undermining that my resistance to repentance usually involves self-pity. I often whine and drag my feet with God while analyzing myself and maybe even trying self-therapy. I believe it is important to get past the surface circumstances to unmask the deeper issues. But the self-pity is a liability that inhibits growth in ways I do not yet full realize.

“'I am ready to be offered.' It is a transaction of will, not of sentiment. Tell God you are ready to be offered; then let the consequences be what they may, there is no strand of complaint now, no matter what God chooses. God puts you through the crisis in private, no one person can help another. Externally the life may be the same; the difference is in will. Go through the crisis in will, then when it comes externally there will be no thought of the cost. If you do not transact in will with God along this line, you will end in awakening sympathy for yourself.”

I saw the familiar pattern at this point. The Spirit prompted me to go ahead right now and tell God that “I am ready to be offered”. I detected a great amount of resistance, a desire to change the words – to soften them. But that is evasive and betrays something trying to hide inside, most likely another strong false god in there. So I go ahead and say the words. Yes there is fear and a certain amount of pain. But I also instantly realize that it is a choice, an important step toward the intimacy with God that I long to experience.

Then I read the next line and it tightened even more. “'Bind the sacrifice with cords, even unto the horns of the altar.' The altar means fire – burning and purification and insulation for one purpose only, the destruction of every affinity that God has not started and of every attachment that is not an attachment in God.”

Not only must I offer myself as a sacrifice, my self-protection, self-justification, self-defense, but I must fasten it there with some kind of security measures to keep it from escaping the flames. This is serious and threatening. But then dying to self is not a picnic at the park. The flesh inside of me that has tried to protect me all these years becomes angry that I am “betraying” it to be destroyed. It threatens to create hell for me if I really go through with this. The truth is, that is what hell is all about. If my flesh, my self-dependence does not die now in the fire of God's presence it will die later in God's presence at take my soul with it.

“You do not destroy it. God does; you bind the sacrifice to the horns of the altar; and see that you do not give way to self-pity when the fire begins. After this way of fire, there is nothing that oppresses of depresses. When the crisis arises, you realize that things cannot touch you as they used to do.”

Yes, I see it more clearly. Self-pity is often the symptom of my resistance, whether it is complaining to God during conviction or trying to subtly elicit sympathy from others to soften my struggles. But as I read the last line the Spirit was insistent. “Tell God you are ready to be offered, and God will prove Himself to be all you ever dreamed He would be.”

Thank-you God for that reminder of what this is all about. I must remember that the whole object of this sacrifice is to remove all the things inside of me that prevent me from experiencing your presence more fully. Your passion is to prove Yourself to be more than I could ever imagine, to ravish me in your love, to satisfy and fill the deepest emptiness of my soul.

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:1-3 NAS95)