Just for information sake - I may not be posting very much for the next week or two. My new laptop suddenly lost the light for the screen which makes it nearly impossible to read. I am having to send it in for warranty repair and so will have limited access to the internet until it is returned. If I get a chance to stop by here using other people's computers like I am right now I may be able to make a few posts or read comments in the meantime. And I will also be enjoying reading other people's blogs at the same time. I suppose this will give me time to practice growing my heart in some of the areas that my mind has been blogging about lately. And I also suspect I may have to go back to the old-fashioned method of writing my thoughts by hand on a pad when my head gets too full of inspiration to keep it all in. Then I will just have to come back later and backfill in my blog when I get things back to "normal". This blog is definitely having an affect on the way I think and relate. It started out as just sort of a way to express and vent ideas and feelings that I have to no one in particular, just to get them out. But as a few people have begun to read my posts on somewhat of a regular basis it has caused a subtle shift in my thinking to almost be more of a dialog. This can have the effect of being somewhat inhibiting, but I have tried to resist that feeling and continue to be honest and open about what I write. I want to resist writing that conforms to what others may want to hear or expect and just share what is in my mind and heart at the point of writing. I know how much I enjoy reading other blogs that have the ring of authenticity about them and how little I enjoy the ones that seem to have an agenda and are targeted at changing the reader's minds. I guess for now I still prefer to stay on the more authentic side as that was the original purpose that I started blogging in the first place.

Intercession

Again, this morning's reading in My Utmost is a fresh revelation and a conviction. It defines intercessory prayer in a whole new light that makes so much more sense than all the postulations of preachers and teachers for decades. I, like so many others, have secretly struggled with the “practice” of prayer for most of my life. For many years it was somewhat more of an obligation and a duty more than anything else.

Much of what is taught about prayer seems to be based on “formula thinking”. We often think that people who pray a lot are more religious than others and that may be true. But again, I believe there is a vast difference between religion and spirituality. As Oswald Chambers states in this passage, “God is amazed at such thoughts about prayer”.

I found his definition of “intercession” to be most helpful in restructuring my opinions about effective prayer. “Intercession means raising ourselves up to the point of getting the mind of Christ regarding the person for whom we are praying (see Phil. 2:5).” This really deflates the idea of imploring God to do something we want Him to do for another person or for a situation. It really takes us back to a reevaluation of what the Great Controversy is all about – saving us for heaven or vindicating the truth about what God is really like. In harmony with the first vein the passage goes on to say, “Instead of worshiping God, we recite speeches to God about how prayer is supposed to work.... When we lose sight of God, we become hard and dogmatic. We throw our petitions at His throne and dictate to Him what we want Him to do. We don't worship God, nor do we seek to conform our minds to the mind of Christ. And if we are hard toward God, we will become hard toward other people.”

I need to be reminded of this principle often. It is very easy for me to feel hardened, especially toward certain people. And is this statement holds true, that is simply an indicator that, despite all my profession or assumptions about my relationship with God, in reality my heart must be much harder against God than I can perceive myself.

The last paragraph is a needed rebuke for my inherited penchant toward criticism of others in the church. “Do you find yourself thinking that there is no one interceding properly? Then be that person yourself. Be a person who worships God and lives in a holy relationship with Him. Get involved in the real work of intercession....” (My Utmost for His Highest 3/30 edited version)

I want to have the mind of Christ as it is my privilege and honor to have. I want to have the eyes of heaven to see people the way God sees them, to have compassion for the pain they try to hide inside, to have a spirit of instant forgiveness when they attack me in their pain, to have the unconditional, accepting love toward others that they have never experienced before and can hardly believe even exists. That will be a supernatural miracle if it is seen coming from this source. But that is what I pray for today. And I am glad you are interceding for me too.

Religious or being Spiritually Real

Sometimes when I am reading the day's selection from My Utmost, I find it impossible to find a way to express the intensity of the truths any other way than how they are already put down. All I can do is supply the thoughts and memories that are awakened and stirred in my mind and heart as I am reading. Today's passage was one of those. If you do not own one of these books and you are wanting to be serious about experiencing true reality, I suggest that you go out and buy one soon. They usually only cost about $5 and can be found in any Christian bookstore. This book and author is considered one of the all-time great classics and nearly every day that I read it I can easily see why. I just wish that I had started reading it 40 years ago instead of 7 or 8.

One of the things I took to doing in my daily reading of this book each year is making notations in the margin along with excessively underling many portions. One of the things I look for in each passage are self-definitions of words and terms. I have found this helpful not only with this author but with everything I read. Each author has in their mind a particular meaning for the words they choose that may often be quite different than what we understand them to mean, particularly if it was written over 50 or 100 year ago as is the case here. For example, Chambers defines clearly what he means by the word “lust”. In his writings lust means “I must have it right now”. The main emphasis in his mind is the demanding, impatient nature of our spirit, not whatever it is that we are desiring at the moment.

Of course, most of us have almost exclusively associated lust with sexual activities and thoughts so this definition by Oswald Chambers comes as a bit of a shock to many of us. But it also help greatly in understanding the real point the author is trying to make any time they use the word when we allow the definition that they supply themselves even if it is quite different or even opposite of what we expect.

I have noticed this problem with words and terms from the Bible as well and we would understand a great deal more about God if we took the time to let Him define His terms instead of overlaying our very limited current usage of words and terms on Scripture and then extrapolating all sorts of strange doctrines and rules to define Christianity.

“A Christian worker's greatest need is a readiness to face Jesus Christ at any and every turn. This is not easy, no matter what our experience has been. This battle is not against sin, difficulties, or circumstances, but against being so absorbed in our service to Jesus Christ that we are not ready to face Jesus Himself at every turn. The greatest need is not facing our beliefs or doctrines, or even facing the question of whether or not we are of any use to Him, but the need is to face Him.”

As is the case throughout most of this book, I am strongly reminded here that I am always in danger of allowing all sorts of good things distract me from the one and only important thing in life – facing God openly and constantly with my heart, soul and mind. And those distractions often appear to be things that fool me into thinking I am doing what is important, things like “service to Jesus Christ”, studying “doctrines”, working on my “religious experience” and examining my “beliefs”. While all of those things should not be ignored they can so easily eclipse the one, most important thing of staying in the presence of the One who created me, Who loves me unlimitedly and Who is the only source of real life and satisfaction.

“Jesus rarely comes where we expect Him; He appears where we least expect Him, and always in the most illogical situations. The only way a servant can remain true to God is to be ready for the Lord's surprise visits.”

This reminds me of the times – the least-expected most illogical times – when my heart has been suddenly awakened and my mind squirmed with great protests in trying to avoid embarrassment and shame. Unfortunately my mind usually wins out and I suppress my emotions and feelings for the sake of “saving face”. But always I regret it later when I realize that I once again probably missed an opportunity to experience something very significant, possible a surprise visit by God to take me to another level of intimacy with Him.

“This readiness will not be brought about by service, but through intense spiritual reality, expecting Jesus Christ at every turn. This sense of expectation will give our life the attitude of childlike wonder He wants it to have. If we are going to be ready for Jesus Christ, we have to stop being religious. In other words, we must stop using religion as if it were some kind of a lofty lifestyle – we must be spiritually real.”

First I would like to point out that I believe one of the most tragic things most of us have lost and subconsciously mourn is our sense of “childlike wonder” and the accompanying freedom of innocence and abandon and joy that it seems only young children are capable of enjoying. All too soon the world moves in to begin its destructive, damaging abusive activities on the hearts, minds and bodies of the young to steal from them the natural reflections of God's character and personality that still persist after thousands of years of sin. And worse than that, much of this damage is carried out under the cloak of “religion”, whether in the family or in the church. It is no wonder then that Chambers says that “we have to stop being religious” if we are going to be ready for Jesus Christ. The true alternative to this counterfeit is to “be spiritually real”.

The amazing thing about this statement is that many times the people I meet who have more of an aura of being “spiritually real” about them are often people who have little to nothing to do with organized religion. And while I cannot blame them for that considering that state of “religion” today, I believe they are potentially ripe for experiencing true spirituality if they are really honest enough to accept the real truths about God that He has expressed. They are often very much closer to the “kingdom of heaven”, according to Jesus Himself, than most of the “religious” people claiming to be in charge of that kingdom.

The last paragraph of this passage is a description of those who choose to accept the challenge of getting real instead of acting religious.

“If you are avoiding the call of the religious thinking of today's world, and instead are 'looking unto Jesus' (Hebrews 12:2), setting your heart on what He wants, and thinking His thought, you will be considered impractical and a daydreamer. But when He suddenly appears in the work of the heat of the day, you will be the only one who is ready. You should trust no one, and even ignore the finest saint on earth if he blocks your sight of Jesus Christ.” (My Utmost for His Highest 3/29 edited version)

Debating with the Heart

As I read the two devotional books that I am using this morning, I was impressed at the convergence on one theme – living from the heart verses any other alternative. The reading in Sons and Daughters of God was about Moses. I learned a number of things I had not known before. But nearly all of them revolved around God's training for Moses to teach him to live from his heart. What is even more instructive is that it appears that living from the heart seems to be synonymous with consistently living in the awareness of the presence of God and in complete trust in Him.

The first time Moses fled from Egypt for his life he had tried to employ the counterfeit tool of force to accomplish God's purposes. Even though he was loyal to God, while growing up in the system of the world his heart and mind had been deceived to the point where he believed in the idea still popular today that God's role is to give us goals and then add power to our plans to accomplish those goals. Like a country song I couldn't help overhearing on someone's radio yesterday, “God rules the world with a staff and rod – me 'n God, we're a team.”

So after Moses made a spectacular failure trying to free his countrymen with force and was then overcome by fear and terror, he ran for his life into the wilderness expecting to never be seen or heard from again in Egypt. “Then, in a special sense, God undertook his training.... He had yet to learn the lesson of dependence upon divine power. He had mistaken God's purpose. It was his hope to deliver Israel by force of arms. For this he risked all, and failed.”

“In the stern simplicity of the wilderness . . . Moses gained that which went with him throughout the years of his toilsome and care-burdened life,--a sense of the personal presence of the Divine One. . . . When misunderstood and misrepresented, when called to bear reproach and insult, to face danger and death, he was able to endure 'as seeing him who is invisible.'”

What struck me as very significant in this passage was the following result seen in his life after he learned to live with “a sense of the personal presence” of God and had time to develop the characteristics of a shepherd in the desert. By the time he was sent back to Egypt to fulfill God's desires and represent the truth about God before the whole world, he had become one of the world's most skilled examples of living from his heart in sympathy with God.

“He spoke from the heart and it reached the heart. He was accomplished in knowledge and yet simple as a child in the manifestation of his deep sympathies. Endowed with a remarkable instinct, he could judge instantly of the needs of all who surrounded him. . . . Of the man who is noted for his meekness, Christ says, He can be trusted. Through him I can reveal Myself to the world. He will not weave into the web any threads of selfishness.” {SD 94}

That is the real goal and mission of the plan of Salvation for every one of us. That is what I want to become – one who speaks from the heart in a way that reaches other hearts and to be open as a child in my manifestation of deep sympathies.

The text used for this reading was taken from Heb. 11:27 “By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king; for he endured, as seeing Him who is unseen.” This alerted me to something quite amazing that I have noticed about God for some time now. It often seems the case that God takes our most humiliating and public disasters and transforms them into our most obvious strengths of character. In this case Moses is especially noted in God's “Hall of Notables” (I don't think fame is the best word in God's system) partially listed in Hebrews 11 as the person who did not fear the wrath of the king. I find that amazing after the fact that the greatest apparent failure he experienced was his untimely and shameful night trip fleeing for his life from the wrath of a king who most likely considered Moses the greatest threat to his throne and the ultimate traitor. Nothing could have been more devastating to the career of Moses than to be branded as the coward who had lost all courage while claiming to be working for God and the good of His people

And yet God picked this very focal point of shame in the life of Moses and declares in Hebrews 11 that Moses is to be remembered as one who was not afraid of the king. The contrast between his first scandalous exit and the nobility and courage that he displayed during the now famous exodus from Egypt was due to one key element in his life spelled out clearly in the text - “he endured, as seeing Him who is unseen.”

As I then opened My Utmost for His Highest for today I found it very relevant that this reading too was all about living from the heart. It was almost like a continuation of the heart-lesson that God wants to teach me right now. (The following quotes are from the edited edition of this book as I went off and left all of my study books and papers at another location on my last trip.) As in the previous quotes, there is far more in the original passages that are also excellent and instructive, but for space and time considerations I am only presenting a few of the highlights that really spoke very strongly to me.

“To put my view of His honor ahead of what He is plainly guiding me to do is never right, even though it may come from a real desire to prevent Him from being put to an open shame.... When I begin to weigh the pros and cons, and doubt and debate enter into my mind, I am bringing in an element that is not of God. This will only result in my concluding that His instructions to me were not right.”

At this point I could easily remember many times when I have indulged in debate about following instantly the impulses that I felt from the Holy Spirit. And nearly always I later regretted doing so as I had missed yet another opportunity to bless someone and/or receive a blessing or experience another step of important growth in my life. What I am starting to see here is the constant conflict between the left/intellectual side of my brain where typical “religion” resides fighting with the right/heart-oriented side of my brain trying to live out the quiet but insistent directives of the Spirit. My intellect and knowledge and formula-based religious training and my logical, flesh-dominated mind always wants to interfere with the activities of my heart. It almost seems jealous of the intimate connection that God wants to have with my heart and is always trying to insert itself into that relation. (That painfully reminds me of what I have sometimes tried to do in other people's relationships with each other that I wanted to be a part of.) That is what I see as the “element that is not of God” operating in my own experience.

“Many of us are faithful to our ideas about Jesus Christ, but how many of us are faithful to Jesus Himself? Faithfulness to Jesus means that I must step out even when and where I can't see anything (see Matthew 14:29). But faithfulness to my own ideas means that I first clear the way mentally. Faith, however, is not intellectual understanding; faith is a deliberate commitment to the Person of Jesus Christ, even when I can't see the way ahead.”

This penchant to “clear the way mentally” is one of the greatest obstacles I have seen to living from the heart. And if it is not my own mind demanding explanations on how this is all going to work out, there are usually others around ready and eager to ask those kinds of questions before being willing to encourage me to step into a position of faith. We are all probably guilty of being a source of discouragement to someone who is trying to learn to live in this condition of faith from their heart. If I have done that to you, the one who is reading this right now, please forgive me and encourage me to live from my heart in the context and awareness of the constant presence of God. And I want to strongly urge you to also practice listening to the quiet voice of God speaking to your own heart and enjoy the delights of living in His presence.

“Are you debating whether you should take a step of faith in Jesus, or whether you should wait until you can clearly see how to do what He has asked? Simply obey Him with unrestrained joy. When He tells you something and you begin to debate, it is because you have a misunderstanding of what honors Him and what doesn't. Are you faithful to Jesus, or faithful to your ideas about Him? Are you faithful to what He says, or are you trying to compromise His words with thoughts that never came from Him? 'Whatever He says to you, do it' (John 2:5).” (My Utmost for His Highest 3/28)

Romans 4 Surprise

I have been camping in Romans 4 for a number of days and have been releasing from it a great deal of encouragement and insights for myself through the ministry of the Spirit to my heart. Just now I reached the end of the chapter and received exciting revelations that I need to hear and embrace.

The last couple days I have been absorbing the vital truth about what the core essence of faith really is. In the illustration of what it looked like in Abraham's life, Paul exposes possibly the plainest explanation of faith in the whole Bible, at least for my understanding. As I have carefully analyzed this chapter to really grasp what its meaning is for me, I see the first half of the chapter laying out in detail the fact that Abraham was not trusting in his obedience to God's commands as the basis of his faith. And God was not basing His acceptance and relationship with Abraham on the signs and external symbols of obedience.

That is not to say that those things were not important to both of them. But the obedience and the evidences of obedience were not the cause and basis of their relationship. Those things are called “works”, and while works are all present in the life of a believer they are not the foundation. Paul goes to great lengths to make this point in the book of Romans as well as in most of his writings. He stressed this point so emphatically that he inadvertently set up a pendulum effect that has caused millions of Christians for centuries to heatedly debate back and forth the importance and merits or lack thereof of “works” in the life of a true believer. Even James and Peter had to weigh in on the subject to give some balance to Paul's extreme stressing of this point, but they did not detract from the underlying truth that Paul was trying to reveal when it is understood in its true light.

I have grown up in a culture where the emphasis and correct view of grace and faith as presented by Paul has always been viewed with quiet underlying suspicion and even avoidance. Because of this upbringing I have spent many years trying to understand for myself the real truth in the writings of Paul without becoming entangled in the unbalanced extreme ideas that have overtaken much of the Christian world that my sub-culture was reacting against. I can remember terms like “cheap grace” and “lawlessness” typically used to describe those who disagreed with “us”. And while those descriptions may have been somewhat accurate of many of our opponents, our thinking also tended to isolate us and move us quite far to the other extreme of constant emphasis on “the law”, obedience, intellectual “truth” and resulted in a very stunted experience of true grace and freedom.

So for the past few years I have been deliberately trying to lay aside all of the preconceived beliefs that I can as I invite the Holy Spirit to reveal to me directly and personally what the Bible is really showing me about God and this plan for my redemption. It has been a wonderful growing experience for me and has brought me more and more peace and assurance as my previous misconceptions and prejudices have been exposed and replaced with balanced, critical truths central to God's plan for the salvation of every human being. This has been my desire and prayer as I have meditated on various portions of Scripture over the past few years to discover for myself what God desires to reveal to me about Himself and His ways. In the process I have seen more and more consistency and less apparent contradiction throughout all of the Bible though there is still a very great way to go yet. I simply want to be tutored by the Holy Spirit as a humble, open-minded student and be transformed into looking, acting and feeling more like Jesus.

I'm afraid the results of this are still very difficult for most of those close to me to see and that disturbs me greatly inside. I still have deeply entrenched blocks of resistance, pride and ignorance that need to be excavated and replaced with grace and truth. But I am not in charge of this mining operation in my soul, I can only try to cooperate as God continues to tear open and repair the various areas of my damaged heart and mind. This message spoken to me in Romans 4 over the past few mornings is my anchor that I cling to as this process continues in my life.

Something that I was impressed with a couple days ago in my study was the phrase in verse 15, “the Law brings about wrath”. This reminds me of 1 Cor. 3:6 which also says, “ the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” This statement that the Law brings about wrath was very interesting in the light of the subject of “hell” that I have been discovering over the past few years. It also ties back to Rom. 2:5 where he talks about storing up for ourselves wrath against the day of wrath. But that is another subject that I don't have time to get sidetracked with at this point though it is extremely important. What is important is the fact that wrath is closely tied to the Law.

This point was really brought home to me the next day when I uncovered the contrasting phrase just a little later in the text. Rom. 4:20 says of Abraham that “he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God”. This growing strong in faith in my view is a direct contrast to the debilitating “wrath” in verse 15 with which I am very familiar. Trying to live by law-keeping to earn God's love and favor indeed generates and stores up within me more and more wrath in more ways than one. I want to live in the example of Abraham who grew strong in faith not wavering in unbelief and giving glory to God.

This too, has a great deal of meaning to unpack but I still want to move on to what I am learning today. For the very next verse drops the bombshell that destroys many of the myths about what faith really is by plainly revealing what real faith looks like. Verse 21 says, “being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform.”

I, along with many others in the church, have spent years of my life trying to “work up” faith as we assumed its meaning. In my mind, faith was the total vacuum of all doubt. It was a pure, mental atmosphere where there was no longer any particle of doubt about the results of whatever it was I was trying to exercise faith over. This usually meant that we would ask God for something we wanted and then try very very hard to believe that it would happen. When it didn't happen we assumed that there must have been a little doubt left in our mind which contaminated our faith so it couldn't produce the desired outcome. And when our prayers were seemingly answered we became very excited that at last we had maybe found the right formula to make this religion thing work.

That may be a very simplistic explanation of what happened, and we certainly would not have put it in those words at the time. But looking back, that seems to sum it up very accurately for what was going on in our minds. Religion to me and my friends was all about learning lots of information, obeying lots of rules and avoiding endless distractions and “temptations” to turn our attention away from developing perfection of character. I cannot remember any significant emphasis on an intimate relationship with a personal God except in intellectual theory only. Most of the language we used had assumed meanings for most of the words which I am now learning were often nearly opposite of their true meanings. What I am now learning as I read and meditate and listen with my heart is a revelation of a God who's greatest desire to connect with my heart and cause me know His heart. All of the other symptoms like obedience, “good works”, witnessing, etc. are outgrowths of that foundational heart-based relationship. When that is not attended to first, trying to arrange all of the other elements in place only creates confusion and some form of hypocrisy.

Paul bases his explanation of the true essence of what constitutes “righteousness” on the Old Testament description about how Abraham was considered righteous. It is based solely on Abraham's exercise of a simple belief that God can do what He says He can do. And the safe assumption within that is that God also wants to do what He says He can do for us and will indeed do it when we give Him the permission He needs by believing that very thing about Him. That is simply a description of a relationship, a healthy relationship between trusting friends. When that kind of relationship exists between us as God, in God's eyes and in His “book” we are considered righteous, pure and simple.

Of course that leads to the next conflict which is, “how can God get away with considering us as 'righteous' when much of the physical and spiritual evidence of our lives seems to contradict that assertion?” That is directly addressed in the last three verses. What really caught my attention was something I had never seen before in the very last verse. “(Jesus) was delivered over because of our transgressions, and was raised because of our justification.”

I have understood in a growing sense what it means that He was delivered over because of my transgressions. But the next phrase came as a surprise to me. He “was raised because of our justification.” I have always thought and have heard taught that Jesus' death and resurrection created the reason for my justification. But evidently according to this text only half of that is accurate. Jesus death while assuming my actual guilt for all of my sins was in fact the act offered to justify me before God. But that act was only an offering, not a demand. There was a point during that weekend when the offered death of the Son of God had to be taken under consideration and a decision had to be determined whether this offering was in fact going to be able to stand up to the scrutiny, not only for the consistency of the justice in God's own character, but to the satisfaction of any mind ever in existence either before or after this event who would examine this arrangement of atonement. It is not only God Himself who must be satisfied with the sacrifice of Jesus on our behalf, it is the reflection of God hard-wired into every intelligent being that He ever created that also must come to the point of agreeing that this arrangement was just and fair. God took all that into consideration before deciding whether Jesus would receive the call to resurrection or would remain in the grave forever.

What this text is claiming is that the resurrection of Jesus was contingent on the acceptance of His death as a justification for our sins. If in any tiny degree there was anything that could not be accounted for, any sin that was not completely exhausted in the complex suffering that the Son of God experienced during the crucifixion weekend, then the justice of God to be consistent with itself before the universe would not allow Jesus to be raised from the dead. He would be forced to remain a prisoner in the tomb forever and the experiment of evil would continue to spread throughout the universe reeking its havoc and destroying life everywhere it turned. This is not a fictional impossibility – this was a very real potential that was in no way a foregone deal in the bag. Jesus took a very real and immense risk of failure when He submitted Himself to become a human and shoulder all the guilt of all sin everywhere when his life was destroyed by the resistance of sin in the presence of the pure, holy passion of an infinite Almighty.

What Paul is stating unequivocally here is that, based on the above facts, the very act of the resurrection is proof positive that our justification is in fact an undeniable reality. It is not something we can earn or acquire, it is only something we can believe and claim for ourselves as we identify ourselves as “in Christ” and, dying to self with Him we can then also experience His resurrection power here and now in our transformed, rebirthed lives. This truth lies at the very center of the plan of salvation. And this is why Satan is so intense on causing us to disbelieve in the resurrection, or at the very least dismiss it as irrelevant to our own lives.

We hear a great deal of talk about the power of the resurrection, but we do not yet see a great deal of evidence of it in the transformed lives of matured, saved Christians. But this is what brings glory to God, and I firmly believe that this kind of glory and all its fruits of obedience, passion and godliness is what we are about to see in the explosion of glory described in the beginning verses of Rev. 18. God is preparing millions of people who are open to His grace to participate in the final revelation of His true character of love, hope and faith. I want to be a part of that grand experiment of which it is said that angels stand in amazement at the transformation that happens in a life when God does what He says He can do.

(next in series)

Works and Faith 1

Here are some short thoughts impressed me this morning that I would like to explore much more. I compared Rom 4:1-5 with James 2:21-24 and Heb 11:17-19 about Abraham and the relationship of works and faith. I know this may be a worn out argument and I am not interested in a rehash. What I do want is to understand just for myself what God is trying to teach my heart when I looked at these this morning.

One thought that came to me was this.

Faith is like the seed, or maybe the planting of the seed.

Works is like the ground work, the preparation, the cultivating, the weeding that allows the seed to take deeper root and flourish. Work does not give the seed its life and is not the same as the work of the sower. My work is what continually creates the environment that encourages and protects the plant from withering away.

In this analogy it can be seen that while works do not save you, the lack of works can destroy the ability of the seed to flourish thereby suffocating your lifeline connection the the source of salvation resulting in ultimate loss of salvation. This is not due to God's unwillingness to save but in my loss of ability to cooperate and the destruction of my desire.

There is a lot more to unpack here but I have a lot of things to “work” on today while I think more about this.

Relating to Abuse of Power

I just had one of those “un-nice” dreams that woke me up from the intense emotion that it generated inside of me. After I woke up and wondered what it might mean I felt the Spirit explaining it to me more clearly and I knew I needed to get up and write it down for my own sake so I would not forget it. It is partly an answer to my pleadings with God to explain to me or clarify the real issues involved in my most vulnerable area of weakness.

My dream evolved out of some events and places in my dream that I cannot now remember as is usually the case. I can only remember the point where there was a cabin cruiser boat sitting alongside a street somewhere that for some reason evoked my curiosity. Another person and I decided to climb up on it and look around for a few minutes just to see what was there. It was dry-docked and I think it was nighttime with very few people around although there seemed to be something else involving a few others which I cannot now remember.

At any rate, we clambered up onto the boat and just looked around in the nearly empty cabin for a few minutes when I noticed a police car pulling up at the end of the block nearby. The boat was parked next to some trees and beyond the trees was a more commercial area of stores and streets. I quickly alerted the other person that the authorities were about to come and get us into trouble and then jumped over the dark side of the boat and ran into the trees before the police had noticed me. The other man was still on top of the boat and I don't know what happened with him after that.

I decided to calmly walk out of the other side of the clump of trees into the shopping area as if nothing had happened. I did not feel particularly guilty except that I knew if I was caught on the boat I would be accused of something or other that would be false but would imply I was some sort of criminal with malicious intent. The quicker I could distance myself from the boat and be nonchalant about it the safer I would be. At this point the dream seemed to dramatically shift. The only tie-in from this part of the dream was my state of mind as I went into what happened next.

As I approached the street I noticed that suddenly quite a number of police cars raced into strategic positions around the area and a large contingent of riot police jumped out and quickly encircled a large area with a rope so that none of us inside the area would be able to escape. As I approached one of the officers I tried to innocently ask what was going on here and also told him that I was not from around here so whatever was going on with the others I was not involved in. He ignored my protestations as the police moved to corral everyone caught in their arbitrary net operation. As they tightened the circle around the people caught inside they began clubbing and beating everyone they came to in typical riot-suppression fashion. This outraged me with the injustice of it all to the point that I woke up with fear and intense anger wondering what was going on.

That seemed to suspend the dream to the point where I must have dreamed just a little more almost as a sequel. I remember asking someone or maybe more than one why this was happening this way. I was impressed that this is the way the world's system imposes submission. It uses overwhelming force against an arbitrarily picked group of people to make them an example so as to instill the same fear and terror in a much larger group of people who hear about or see what happened to them. It is sometimes not based on any reason or even excuse; it is simply an abusive assertion of brute force designed to enslave the minds of as many as possible into total submission to the complete control of the “authorities”.

The next obvious question I had was, “How am I supposed to relate to a situation like this?” I have found myself in situations all through my life where I felt somewhat similar feelings and it always produces an overwhelming amount of rage within me almost instantly which, if unchecked, will get me into a heap of trouble in a very short time. Most of my friends who are aware of this problem usually steer me toward the idea that I just need to submit to authority and I have to deal with my problem with rebellion and that I need to just get over it.

While there is no doubt that I struggle with explosive feelings of rebellion inside that threaten to sabotage me and betray me at any moment, the counsel I have usually received seems to lack something very important that I can't yet really identify. The very act of attacking my symptoms, pointing out my pride and telling me to just blindly submit to all authority usually triggers memories and intense feelings from my childhood when similar situations strengthened the rebellion within me originally. My father particularly tried to use beatings to force me into submission which at times may have produced outward conformity but inside only increased my hatred of him and further inflamed my feelings of anger and rebellion against authority. I am now left with the legacy of that method and trying to apply more of the same simply doesn't seem to make sense to me.

Looking back on my life when people now try to insist that I just get rid of my pride and submit seems to my heart to be saying, “Injustice doesn't matter. Just give in to it and accept it and stop resisting it.” But injustice does matter and ignoring or denying it in blind submission under its crushing force is a perversion of how we are created. I guess I have always had a very intense sense of justice and these kind of short-circuited answers just do not cut it for me. Yes, I know that rebellion and pride are involved in this problem, but the solution that most have offered me or tried to force on me so far seems nearly as bad as the problem itself if not worse. I have grappled with this inner threat for years and sometimes feel no closer to freedom than when I was a very angry little boy in the hands of an angry father whipping me with an army belt to force me to obey his rules. The only difference is that now I am old enough that most people do not try to force their will on me like he did – except, of course, the uniformed type who drive around looking for someone to intimidate and trigger.

That's where it gets dicey and potentially even very dangerous. For there are people and despotic, tyrannical forces out there that can easily trigger the same hatred and intense anger inside of me that could expose this unresolved weakness in me. After they play me to be a fool I will then be represented to be a massive spiritual fraud and a hypocrite. I cannot deny that these dark feelings of anger and resentment lurk inside of me waiting to explode in fury when the protective casing around them is breached. And it is also true that the demoniacally-inspired forces in this world would like nothing better than to brutalize me, triggering this reservoir of wrath stored up within me and then blaspheme the name of God through my catastrophic and spectacular meltdown. This is not just a naïve scenario; this is a constant and very present threat that always lies not far beneath the surface.

For me to even face this in such a direct way feels very frightening to me. It threatens my image to others of a well-behaved, self-possessed Christian and creates a great deal of discomfort not only within myself but in the minds of many others as well I suspect. I know that I must experience healing and freedom from this dragon that lives within and threatens to destroy me on frequent occasions. It is a frequent source of fear and apprehension for me. I realize from what I have been learning over the past few years that anything that causes me to be afraid, especially at this level, must be faced and dealt with at the root level or it continues to empower the control of a false god in my soul. It has been a subject of much prayer and pleading with God for deliverance and it seems this morning that I heard something in response.

As my mind ran through the options I would be faced with while being clubbed by riot police for no good reason, at first it seems there are only two responses. The first, which is the one that my inner dragon would precipitate very eagerly, would be to fight back in rage and try to defend myself against impossible odds. But one only has to briefly look at the news from nearly anywhere in the world to see what the outcome of that would be. The cruelty and exploitation that sin has brought reaches unthinkable levels as the depravity of humans approaches that of demons. To attempt to fight back only invites more cruelty and vicious treatment as the abusers employ greater force to overcome all resistance. Trying to overcome force with force is a dead end road and indeed will lead quickly to an end of death after much suffering.

The other apparent option which many seem to believe is the right alternative is to simply cave in and “submit” to whatever demands are imposed on you in the abuse, at least that is what their advice sounds like. But something smells very suspicious in this option that rings of character weakness and appeasement at the expense of integrity.

I believe that there is an important third and correct option that I have yet to understand more clearly. The “force” of the world is calculated to conform us to the thinking of this world either through our indulgence of force in resistance or the destruction of our souls and value in the violations perpetrated on us. I like Phillips rendition of Romans 12:2 “do not let the world squeeze you into its mold.” There must be a way to not fall for the temptation to indulge the same spirit of force in retaliation while still having a sense of unaffected value and identity that cannot be violated or stolen.

As I pondered this and questioned God about these things while still lying in bed, bits of the following verses began to flash across my mind.

Matthew 16:25 “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. (2 Corinthians 4:7-11)

He who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls will be crushed." (Matthew 21:44)

It is difficult to capture these things in writing as they are things that my heart needs to understand and assimilate more than my mind, and things of the heart are not readily describable in the realm of words. At the same time it seems that if I do not capture them and condense them into words as best I can within a reasonable amount of time then they are much more readily to be forgotten and not secured in place as effectively.

I try to understand the problem that pride presents. Pride is like a traitor within who represents himself to be my greatest ally and defender. Pride's main purpose is to give me a sense of worth, to feel that I have value and that I am important to someone – if no one else then at least to myself. I don't think I really understand pride as much as I need to so I can know how to effectively deal with what I am up against. I have a deep and legitimate need, as everyone does, to feel valued, respected and wanted. I want to be cherished and acknowledged and desired – that is how we are created.

Pride is the natural part of me, my flesh, that offers to fill that legitimate need, that vacuum within me that craves fulfillment so I can have a reason to live. Everything in our world is designed to nurture and supply the function of our pride while at the same time the suppliers are trying to feed their own pride. The problem with this model is that in being self-focused we am actually attempting to operate our mental machinery backwards from what it was designed to do and the result is all the effects of sin we see around us.

Another major factor that plays into this is my sense of identity. This is linked to the function of pride and is most often found to be closely tied to the dysfunction of my life as well as my supposed achievements. I find myself confused about who I really am but whatever that is I cling to my perceived identity tenaciously for my very survival. Pride's main function is to shore up my weak sense of identity so I can feel valuable. So to threaten my pride is to threaten to remove all my identity. And whether it is me removing the main supporter of my identity and value, or it is external abusive forces trying to rip away my identity, the same fear underlies both options.

Now I am well aware that great volumes of discussion are carried on about realizing our true identity in Christ. I believe that is very true and is crucial to entering into eternal life even now. But moving that from an intellectual belief system to a heart experience is far easier said than done. I know what the metaphors are – dying to self, surrendering etc. But implementing them into actual experience is a titanic struggle that is made infinitely more difficult because of the evasiveness of the false gods that have commandeered my mind. This realization takes me right back to Paul's very accurate description of this plight in his eloquent portrayal of his frustrations with his inner self in Romans 7. And with him I have to land hard on his transition declaration of emancipation in Romans 8:1, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.” (Romans 8:1-2)

I still don't believe I have expressed very well what I wanted to capture this morning. But I guess I have taken another small step in my self-discovery, self-disclosure and reception of God's thoughts to me. I know I will be thinking about this more over the coming days and months and will continue to seek a deeper understanding and heart-realization of the truths that are beginning to emerge for me.

After I finished this post I opened my Bible “at random” to Isaiah 1 and read the following words.

"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land; but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword." For the mouth of the LORD has spoken. (Isaiah 1:18-20 NIV)

I then looked up the original word translated “willing” and found it very interesting. It means to breathe after, to rest content. It is presented in this text in a double parallel contrasted with “resist”. It seems clear that the contrasts may be defining each other. Willingness, or rest with contentment is the opposite of resistance. Obedience is the opposite of rebellion. What is also meaningful is the order of the words. Rest, giving up resistance, being content is placed ahead of obedience. It may even be a prerequisite for successful obedience. On the other side resistance lies at the foundation of rebellion.

However, I still believe that not all resistance is bad. We are instructed to resist certain things by God and resistance is an important part of a healthy life. What we need to pay attention to more than the resistance itself is what it is we are resisting.

Healthy resistance and pushing against resistance followed by periods of rest and quiet is the prescription for strong muscles as well as strong minds. But resisting the wrong things or without needed rest is a recipe for problems and pain. I guess a lot could be induced from this text, but what impressed me the most was how relevant it was to what I had just expressed and how God sometimes uses a “random” opening of my Bible to speak directly to what I am thinking about.

Safe for Confiding

I am once again startled at the ways of God in my mind. Even though this happens almost on a regular basis it still impresses me with the way God chooses to relate to me sometimes. Once again this morning as I was trying to read at the beginning of my intimate time with God I felt an almost overwhelming compulsion to write down the thoughts springing up in my mind. The main reason I usually go ahead and get them written down, at least in brief notes until I have more time to expand on them, is because if I don't capture them immediately they will have evaporated when I go to look for them later.

Sometimes I am tempted to view these urges as distractions that are meant to get me off track or to get focused on myself more than on God. I do have to be careful about that and for that reason I sometimes simply try to capture the essence of what I am thinking until later. But then it is sometimes difficult when later comes to recapture the fullness of what was originally in my heart and I have to wait until it comes around again and I feel the inspiration of the idea so I can explore it again.

I do want to make sure that I spend some time listening carefully for any messages or impressions from God in the context of meditating in the Bible. But occasionally I am so carried away in trying to write out what seems to be pouring into my mind that I run out of time. At these times I am tempted to feel guilty for not finishing my usual routine, but then I am reminded that the routine itself is not to become my god, but my attention and value needs to be constantly directed toward knowing and experiencing God Himself; and whatever means He may choose to reach my soul I need to be open to relating to.

Yes, the issue of time can be a sticky one as well. It comes down to the issue of how to set priorities and what that reflects about my big picture. I don't want to live in constant guilt or become unbalanced in my life, but I have to constantly re-evaluate what is most important and be willing to make adjustments as I feel is necessary.

Feeling satisfied that I had written enough to be able to come back after listening to God in various books that I use in the morning, I laid aside the computer and read through the two devotionals that I am using this year. As I finished reading the second one, My Utmost for His Highest, I was once again surprised that the very questions I had just written were directly addressed in today's reading.

Every time this happens I get something like a warm feeling in my heart, a feeling of appreciation, a tangible sense that I am valuable enough to God that He would surprise me this way even though I obviously don't deserve His attention through my own merits. Once again I get to see grace on display and up close.

So here are the questions that I put down before reading this morning. These come on the wake of thoughts discussed both during and after the men's group last night which was very enlightening and stimulating for me.

I don't feel completely safe with anyone.

Maybe we aren't safe for God when He doesn't show up.

What does safe mean?

What happens when we confide when it is not safe?

Why would God not trust His “confiding” to ones who are not safe?

What would “safe” look like for me?

What would “safe” look like for God? How can I find out?

Why do we want to confide in another?

Why do we want to be confided in?

What can I do or be to make myself safe for God to confide in and trust?

Why do I want to be that person?

What would it take for me to really be able to confide in God, to totally abandon myself to Him?

What does this text mean and does it have anything to do with this subject?

“But Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all men, and because He did not need anyone to testify concerning man, for He Himself knew what was in man.” (John 2:24-25)

The thoughts presented in My Utmost today are phrase by phrase exposition on Galatians 2:20. “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”

The last paragraph is what really got my attention. “'And the life which I now live in the flesh...,' not the life which I long to live and pray to live, but the life I now live in my mortal flesh, the life which men can see, 'I live by the faith of the Son of God.' This faith is not Paul's faith in Jesus Christ, but the faith that the Son of God has imparted to him – 'the faith of the Son of God.' It is no longer faith in faith, but faith which has overleapt all conscious bounds, the identical faith of the Son of God.”

Pulling Weeds

I had a good talk with someone very close to me last night. She related that while enjoying a Christian concert she was musing over the dissonance between what was being sung and her own feelings. She has believed for a long time that life was not worth living really and has struggled with negative feelings for much of her life. Suddenly she felt a strong impression that simply said, “You know that's a lie, don't you?”

She was caught by surprise by this thought, partly because she has known that intellectually for a very long time but has been unable to believe it with her heart. I am praising God for this evidence of His work in her heart that is in part His answer to my many prayers for her. I suppose that this discussion brought back to my mind the issue of lies embedded deep within us that form the basis for the false gods that operate in our heads.

As I pondered about this concept this morning another idea came into my thinking that may seem to many to be a misapplication of Scripture, but it may contain a lot more truth than first thought if it is considered without prejudice.

First it would probably do well to very briefly review a little of what I have been learning about this over the past few years from various sources. In summary, I have learned that demonic influences, whether possession, harassment, or just false gods (don't make me define and discriminate between all of these just yet) all derive their access to our minds by one door only – lies within us that give them permission to operate.

When this very important principle is understood it radically changes the way we may approach dealing with them and even threatens to unravel many large ministries oriented around their focus on demons and different methods of deliverance. When it is seen that the real problem is the inner lies more than the presence of demons then, for effective ministry, we can shift our focus to dealing with the foundational problems and begin to see permanent freedom and victory.

There is a certain stigma associated with demons and their influence or control in a person's life. Many do not even want to acknowledge their existence because of this and others, while admitting that it may be a problem somewhere else or at a different time in history choose to believe that people today in a more enlightened society are generally not bothered by such uncivilized notions.

On the other hand I have seen others who seem to see demons everywhere they look and are eager to “exercise their gifts” to perform all sorts of rituals or methods to cast them out every chance they get. However, it has seemed to me that very often these people appear to be trying to draw more attention to themselves and their abilities to fight the supernatural than they are bringing glory to God's reputation, even though they claim to operate in His name. (see Matt. 7:21-23)

The important point is that it is the lies that we still believe in our HEARTS that allow these various problems to continue to thrive and exist within our minds. It is not so much the intellectual lies we may believe, although they can be a contributing factor, but it is the lies we received during experiences particularly in our formative years that have the most affect on us. These lies cannot be simply dispensed by confronting ourselves or each other with factual truth. Fact-based truth may be ever so true, but it is primarily left-brain, intellectual truth and does not register in the right brain where the real problem lies remain embedded. Those lies were received usually during times of trauma or intense emotion and can only be addressed effectively by the Spirit of God speaking to our soul directly.

Sometimes I believe He uses new experiences that find access through emotional channels to reopen to parts of our memory to expose these lies and challenge them. Sometimes He may speak directly to those memories and speak the truth into them. Whatever happens, we are faced with a choice in a moment of truth to decide whether we will cling to those lies as being the true definition of our identity or whether we will release them in exchange for real truth and embrace the real identity that God has in mind for us.

Now that I have attempted to lay the background for my understanding in this area I will share the idea that came to me this morning. It has to do with one of the parables of Jesus found in Matthew 13.

“Jesus presented another parable to them, saying, 'The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while his men were sleeping, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went away. But when the wheat sprouted and bore grain, then the tares became evident also. The slaves of the landowner came and said to him, “Sir, did you not sow good seed in your field? How then does it have tares?” And he said to them, “An enemy has done this!” The slaves said to him, “Do you want us, then, to go and gather them up?” But he said, “No; for while you are gathering up the tares, you may uproot the wheat with them. Allow both to grow together until the harvest; and in the time of the harvest I will say to the reapers, 'First gather up the tares and bind them in bundles to burn them up; but gather the wheat into my barn.'”'” (Matthew 13:24-30)

I am well aware of the normal understanding and interpretation of this parable and in no way am trying to challenge that. At the same time I believe that many parables as well as prophecies have more than one application. I wonder if this parable may have application in the area of an individual person's mind as well as the larger application to the church as a whole? As I observe my own life and how God seems to be working with me, I see great significance in this story in my experience.

The field represents my heart, part of my mind, where, especially during my growing up years “His men were sleeping” on the job as far as protecting my heart from damage. During some of the abuse and neglect done to my spirit during those days the enemy implanted seeds of lies deep into my soul that caused me to believe they were my identity. These seeds appeared, in the early stages of growth and in an externals-emphasized religious atmosphere, to be quite similar to true religion and were usually affirmed as such. I could itemize these various seeds but right now I haven't taken the time to identify them in particular though I can generally see many of them. They have to do with fitting in to church life and looking good and conforming so that others praise me for being a “good Christian”. But they were springing out of the seeds of lies about myself and about God that had been planted in my “field”. It is now becoming more evident that indeed “an enemy has done this!”

Then comes the time when the differences start to become more noticeable. What used to appear very pious and righteous now starts to appear in its true light, full of pride, fear, low self esteem and secretly trying to appease an angry or temperamental God. This may sound harsh, but it is the reality for many of us now discovering the roots of our life-long religious activities and behaviors. Now comes the time when we have to decide what we are going to do about these deeply embedded lies and the resulting “weeds” that they have produced in our lives.

Our first impulse is to take strong action and uproot these weeds from our souls. We are ashamed of what they have done in our hearts and are afraid of what others will think of us if they discover all these problems in us. We are afraid of being exposed and even enter into some confusion as to who we really are. Viewing our “field” within us we wonder sometimes if we are really Christians or are we just pretenders with a lot of nice fruit mixed in with a lot of hypocrisy and evil character traits. We are tempted to give up in despair and believe yet another lie of the enemy that there is no hope for us or that we are not good enough to be a Christian.

But those who determine to continue the struggle and want to have a clean field with only plants of true quality in them find themselves in a dilemma. They discover that uprooting these lies can create real upheaval in their hearts as the lies have strong roots intertwined with the roots of truth in their hearts. As we try to forceably remove these lies from the outside either in ourselves or in others, we find that often we cause more damage than success. It is now that we need to consider the wisdom of the counsel from the Master, “Allow both to grow together until the harvest; and in the time of the harvest I will say to the reapers, 'First gather up the tares and bind them in bundles to burn them up; but gather the wheat into my barn.'”

What does this mean in our experience? I cannot give a complete answer right now. I am still in the process of processing this. But I sense that there is a great deal to learn here in how to effectively deal with hearts, both others and our own. Some things seem to be evident here though. Allowing the lies to mature to the point that they become obvious before they are dealt with may have some benefit, whatever that may be. Secondly, it may be important to involve God's agents under His direct supervision to deal with these at the right time. From what I have observed this may be simply God speaking directly to our heart at a unique time when I least expect it. Or it may mean an intense ministry session with a person or group of people who are simply there to facilitate an atmosphere where God has freedom to work without coercion. It may happen during times of personal prayer or public worship or a concert that touches our emotions and releases the grip of the roots. Whatever form it takes, it must be in God's timing Who knows our hearts and when the weeds are ripe for removal.

This may help me in my own struggle as I have wondered what I am supposed to do as I recognize the various false gods circulating in my own mind. I accept that it is important to first recognize them and maybe even identify them, especially to distinguish them as not really being my true identity as they have always asserted. But many of them still remain, and I am sometimes tempted to wonder if it is wrong for me to still find myself in this condition. This parable reminds me that while I am impatient to uproot these false gods that are becoming more and more evident in my life, that God has His plan for my complete deliverance at the right times and by the right means. This does not mean I can sit back and continue to embrace the lies and allow them to flourish. I will continue to challenge them and pray for deliverance and resist they lying voices inside of me. I must continue to discover my true identity in Christ and who I really was created to be. I continue to crave more blessing and more truth and want to strengthen the legitimate plants growing in my soul. And when God shows up to pull up another weed I want to fully cooperate no matter how painful the uprooting may feel. I want to see the joy on His face as He looks into my soul and sees His reflection that most often I cannot yet see there. I choose to let Him do what He does best in His time.

Is God Really Fair?

(Romans 3:5-6) But if our unrighteousness demonstrates the righteousness of God, what shall we say? The God who inflicts wrath is not unrighteous, is He? (I am speaking in human terms.) May it never be! For otherwise, how will God judge the world? (NAS95)

Does God inflict wrath? Why is this associated with the reasonable possibility that people might assume that in so doing He would be unfair? And why, if the first question is true, might it affect His ability to “judge” the world?

The word translated as “wrath” here is the same word that keeps showing up all through the New Testament, orge. In Strong's dictionary it is defined as “orge, properly, desire (as a reaching forth or excitement of the mind), i.e. (by analogy), violent passion (ire, or (justifiable) abhorrence); by implication punishment:--anger, indignation, vengeance, wrath.”

Obviously there are some serious variations of options from which to choose from here when translating into English. And it certainly cannot be overlooked that the belief systems of the translators themselves will always play a major role in determining which words to choose depending on their view of God and His character.

For my part, I believe it is far more accurate and consistent with the rest of Scripture to understand this word in the context of the first few definitions rather than the last. And I believe that the verses quoted above bring pressure to do just that.

The context of these verses in Romans is a discussion of people who want to rationalize their sinning by using some convoluted reasoning. They arrive at the conclusion that because their sin makes God's righteousness look better by contrast then they should get some kind of credit for making Him look good. This implies that in “the judgment” they should receive some kind of favor from the judge for enhancing His reputation. This of course, reveals the human penchant to pervert justice by trying to somehow “bribe” the judge.

I also believe this passage is presenting the usual view of “wrath” in the context of these false arguments. People are trying to imply that if God can get away with arbitrarily condemning them to be lost in a fit of His anger, He cannot at the same time still be a righteous God. Notice that Paul here takes pains to remind us that he is speaking in human terms. I believe he notes this partly because he is referring to the human version and experience of "wrath" in contrast to a more correct view from God's perspective. If this claim against God is true, and many even today subtly believe there is some truth to it, then it makes for a strong case that God seems to be disqualified to be a fair and just judge over the world. Today, just as all throughout history, most people assume that God is Judge primarily because He is the strongest Being in the universe and therefore no one can resist His determinations; everyone is simply forced to accept His claim of being just even though deep inside we still have nagging doubts about it.

But Paul is addressing this very issue by the way he brings these questions out into the light and challenges us to consider them. While we may brush aside the assertion that we should get some kind of favorable consideration in the judgment for our sins making God look more righteous, the more serious charge of God's perceived qualifications to be an unbiased, totally honest and fair judge while at the same time inflicting “wrath” (as it is usually understood) still remains an issue that must be addressed.

The underlying issue discussed in this whole section of Romans is the fairness of God. And this question lies at the very base of all of Satan's accusations and charges against God upon which his counterfeit kingdom is founded. It is of utmost importance that we seriously consider this issue and come to terms with it; for the conclusions that we come to are both influenced and have influence on all our other beliefs and doctrines.

To put it more succinctly, the charge is that if God can indulge in a temporary and even slight loss of patience in His intense passion and anger about sin and sinners, then He can be validly charged with being unfit to pass sentence on others, even though they cannot resist or question His decisions. This is the great lie that Satan has sought to infuse and reinforce in every intelligent being willing to listen and sympathize with him. And sadly most Christians have bought into this lie to some extent or another. We may not state it that plainly, but deep inside the question continues to arise on occasion and assert itself into our consciousness. It is a troubling but valid question and should not be once again suppressed, ignored or piously disposed of with a lot of religious double-talk. Either God is absolutely fair, just, good, righteous and consistently compassionate and loving, or there is a fault in His character that will give Satan a foothold in the mind of reasoning, thinking minds unwilling to accept pious arguments in God's defense.

The one doctrine that lies at the heart of the consideration of this important point about God and that has wreaked the most havoc in distorting human perceptions about God's character is the various beliefs about how God will bring about an end to the problem of sin. Many people strongly believe in an eternally, ongoing existence of supreme torture and pain imposed on everyone who rejects God's offer of mercy. Many others after carefully considering this disastrous lie about God have rejected the existence of God altogether rather than embracing belief in such a monstrous, diabolic two-faced Being. There are still others who insist that the torture does not last throughout all eternity but only for a predetermined time during which God's vents His anger and frustration and indignation on those so crass as to resist His loving advances toward them in their former life. These piously feel that their doctrine of limited “punishment” is far more favorable to God's reputation than the eternally tortured version of hell put forward by the others. But they miss the point that belief in any amount of arbitrary torture, punishment or deliberate infliction of pain on rejectors of love still betrays and undermines many of God's claims about Himself put forward throughout all of Scripture. Again, this thinking about God has created more confusion, hostility and animosity against God than any other scheme Satan has put forward. And tragically it is promoted and supported by millions who still claim to believe in a perfect God of love and mercy and Who never changes.

Paul presents a compelling question that must rise in the hearts of sinners if the above assertions are assumed to be true. “But if through my lie the truth of God abounded to His glory, why am I also still being judged as a sinner?” (Romans 3:7)

(next in series)

The Elijah Syndrome

I have once again fallen victim to what I call the “Elijah syndrome”. No, I have not been full of boldness and stood valiantly for God against great odds and received wonderful confirmation of His power and presence. I am referring to what happened not long after that event on Mt. Carmel when Elijah was exhausted and succumbed to the temptation to be afraid and subsequently ran for his life like a scared little rabbit. This must have greatly amused the woman who threatened him and brought her a great deal of satisfaction. (reference 1 Kings 17,18)

The syndrome I have observed over the years is this: very frequently after a spiritual high moment there almost inevitably follows a particularly powerful temptation aimed at our most vulnerable weakness. It is crass and vicious on the part of the tempter, but then that is what he is like. He is cruel, completely heartless and he is ruthless in pursuit of shaming us, defaming us and destroying us. His real goal is to defame God's reputation and he stops short of absolutely nothing to accomplish this. He particularly enjoys causing a public failure of consistency, a poisoning of the spirit that reflects his own evil and selfish attributes to be revealed in the life of a saint-in-process. Then he quickly broadcasts this failure, greatly exaggerating its extent and implications, and masking over the truth of the person's real, inward identity. Once again Satan vindicates himself in his charges and lies against God.

This sequence creates a great deal of tension, remorse and confusion within the person thus attacked and tripped up. Many times he wonders what his true, God-implanted identity really is as he is led to question and understand his own inconsistency. Sometimes he falls into deep discouragement and is blinded to the causes of his catastrophic failure and shame. Shame becomes the primary feeling that swallows him up and may even drive him into hopeless despair.

This is where the story of Elijah is such a powerful encouragement to remember in the midst of the confusion and shame. While Elijah ran for his life making God look weak and helpless to protect him, God still had His hand around Elijah waiting for him to slow down enough to come back to his senses and receive the gifts of life from His hand. It really confirms the fact in salvation that all righteousness comes from God and that we have absolutely none of our own. We can only receive it, cooperate with Him in the transaction and then live out the righteousness that God implants in us.

However, there seems to be certain conditions that tend to create the opportunity for this syndrome to be triggered. First of all, it happens to a person who is learning to depend more and more totally on God and not on themselves. This enrages the enemy because it exposes the falseness of the lies with which he has blanketed the world and threatens to greatly weaken his despotic control over souls.

Secondly it often comes on the heels of a spiritual event that creates an emotional high in the life of the believer. Sometimes people are led to conclude from this that we should avoid spiritual highs so we won't be so liable for a crash. But if that logic were true then we might not today have one of the most telling stories in the Bible contrasting the character of God against the evil of false gods. There is nothing at all wrong with experiencing spiritual highs, though we are not expected to live there all the time. These events are given to remind us of the ideal that is in God's presence. But we must also return to the everyday world and live out the vision and remember inside the inspiration that received on the mountain. (see My Utmost for His Highest 10/1) The disciples also experienced this when they came down off the Mount of Transfiguration.

Lastly this vicious attack usually arrives in a period of physical weakness and/or emotional exhaustion. Elijah had just run an incredible distance leading Ahab's chariot (his wicked opponent) through driving, blinding rain so he could get back home safely without receiving the slightest kindness in return. There was certainly nothing wrong with his actions and choices. Indeed, he was exhibiting an amazing affinity to God's own heart of compassion and love by blessing his enemy while spending himself to exhaustion. But this situation set him up for the attack that followed because the enemy loves to exploit our weaknesses, both spiritually and physically. Elijah was drenched, unbelievably tired and emotionally drained. He was the perfect target for a savage assault by by the ultimate aggressor. And Satan chose to launch his attack through the wicked wife of the very man Elijah had just poured himself out to bless.

This is the story of the Elijah syndrome. It is given not only as a warning to alert us that our archenemy will use every such opportunity to launch a sneak attack on our souls; but is also given particularly to remind us that God has not forsaken or forgotten us when we have played the fool and been unwittingly participant in smearing His reputation once again through our dysfunction. What amazes me the most in this story is the consideration that God never once reprimanded Elijah for his failure to trust Him in the face of this simple threat. Many of us have been tempted to castigate Elijah and wonder how he could be so bold in front of overwhelming opposition just hours before and yet fall into paralyzing fear from the threat from a single woman. Where had his confident faith gone? Why not exercise holy boldness and confiding trust, particularly after such tremendous affirmation and public success at the hand of God?

But Elijah was human and subject to the same blind spots and weaknesses that we all have to deal with. (James 5:16,17) And God demonstrated His character of kindness, grace and sympathy and simply sent an angel to supply what Elijah needed most – food, water and lots of rest.

But I'm sure Elijah was thinking very much about what had just happened and God did not leave him to figure it all out on his own. When God took him through the series of powerful events on Mt. Horeb (Sinai), they were specifically calculated to answer the troubling questions that must have been tormenting Elijah on the inside. They reminded him of the primary way that God communicates to us as well as contrasting that with the ways we often expect or desire God to communicate with us. It was a powerful reminder to Elijah as well as to all of us that even the fire that fell on Mt. Carmel just prior to this was not nearly so important as remembering to listen to the inaudible voice of God within our soul. God is there all the time; but when we allow distractions, whether positive or negative, to drown out His voice, then we are in danger of making decisions or reacting to temptations or threats in a way that is inconsistent with the Spirit of God within us. But this does not mean that God has forsaken us, no matter ugly things now appear or how our feelings and emotions clamor and accuse. We have the assurance from this example in the life of Elijah that we can trust in a God who supersedes our emotions and perceptions and who is faithful to us even when we have been unfaithful and shamed before all the world.

The Outrage of Death

Seemingly strange – but then again, not really.

That's how I felt yesterday as I mingled with other mourners in a funeral home who were there for the remembering of my son-in-law's father who died in a drowning accident last week. At first it did not seem logically explainable to me why I was feeling such strong sadness as I held my son-in-law (or now son) close to me and began to cry myself nearly as if I really had known his father well. But I did not know him. After hearing about his life and his interests during the service I began to really wish I had known him, but I didn't. So what could account for such strong emotions welling up from deep within me?

Some might say that it was stirring up memories of my own similar experiences over the past 3-4 years laying to rest both of my own parents. That could indeed explain some of this feeling, but I didn't really believe that was necessarily most of it. The intense sadness inside of me was not really connected to those events as I thought back on them now. So my mind and heart struggled to find an answer that would make more sense of what I was experiencing here.

Then, almost surprisingly, as I walked around the room and observed the various emotions being displayed and looked at the one lying in the coffin at the front of the room, a feeling of anger began to stir within me. And at this point it really started to make sense to me. My sadness that was now intensifying into occasional flashes of anger was not connected to a lost relationship with a person that I had known well but was aroused and directed toward the very enemy of death itself. This anger resonated in the distressed words of my wife who exclaimed, “This was never supposed to happen!”

Death – and the fallen angel who started this whole catastrophe – was the real villain that aroused my intense wrath and passion at the overwhelming injustice that sin has perpetrated on all of us causing all this unnecessary pain and grief that torments and racks our souls. Yes, death itself in all its forms is the real enemy here and I was feeling just a a very small taste of the “wrath” that God is feeling about this horrendous injustice as He works to bring it all to a final conclusion. He is eagerly looking forward to the glorious day when all of us together will be able to shout with joy the victory cry that will shake every corner and reverberate into every chasm of the universe, “Death, where is your sting? Grave, where is your victory?”

Later as the crowd of grieving friends gathered among the hard tombstones and braced themselves against the cold wind sweeping over the hill, I looked around at the symbols of pain and ruin sitting stark and mute over the graves of hundreds of victims of this terrible experiment gone mad. Once again the anger welled up within me as I watched helplessly during the final moments of truth as the stark realization of presence of death pierced our hearts. I watched the pain intensify on the countenances of those slowly walking away from the graveside showing the inner struggle to fight off this last assault. “It's not right!! It's unfair! It was never supposed to be this way!” I screamed inside.

But good news trumps this overwhelming evil pain and the fight is not over yet. God has not lost, though He suffers the same pain we attempt to fight off at a level exponentially greater than we could ever imagine. Yes – God is very angry and full of intense wrath! But we must learn and remember that His wrath is not directed at people, but at the injustice and terrible consequences that this stupid idea of sin has wreaked throughout all of His perfect creation. His wrath is not understood or reflected in the way we experience wrath, for in our fallen condition we cannot help but feel intense resentment and desire for revenge on those who cause us pain. But God is not subject or party to these distorted, sinful emotions and His ways are not our ways. He has a perfect solution rooted in perfect love that will bring an end to all suffering, all abuse, all injustice and all pain. It is a plan that most of us are, in reality, very unfamiliar with though many claim to understand it and teach it. It is a plan of restoration to perfect love and totally unselfish relationships in a recreated world restored to its original design.

God has no intention of taking our political designs and schemes and massaging them into a supernatural kingdom on earth like many evangelicals teach and believe today. I am appalled at many of the messages I hear emanating from Christian teachers and leaders leading millions to believe that God is working toward an earthly, politically-oriented kingdom set up in conjunction with Christians and Jews to physically fight unbelievers and subject them to coercive rule and power.

These ideas, if properly seen in the light of true reality, proper reading of the Scriptures and the real character of the true God who rules in love over the universe, would be seen to be blasphemy and treasonous against the principles of God's kingdom of love and freedom. God never uses force to accomplish His ends like humans so desire to do. And the true God of heaven is not planning to use threats, intimidation and torture to drive humans into conforming to His desires. These are the methods of the enemy and God will never stoop to employ these weapons of death to accomplish His ends of life.

It is true that He has the amazing capability to use tragic events when thrown at us by the enemy and turn things around for the ultimate good of those who trust Him and respond to His love, but that never should be confused with the belief that God originates these evil schemes.

Jesus stated the real truth about God unequivocally and plainly when He said clearly, “The thief does not come except to steal and to kill and to destroy. I have come so that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” John 10:10. God operates from an exhaustless resource of life and He never needs to employ any other means to bring about our salvation and display His glory. He is faithful and perfect in all His ways. The more we learn the truth about Him the more our hearts will flash in resonance with His true selfless passion and love.

The thief struck again this last week. He stole a father, a son, a husband that we gathered to lay in the ground until Jesus comes to wake him up for the victory parade. He killed a life that was never supposed to be taken, for he has no rights to kill that which he cannot create. And he destroyed the peace and the close attachments of love and support that a family needed to survive, to mature and to be blessed in this world. Yes, the thief has struck again and his satanic leer casts a shadow over our hearts and lives. But there is Another who is stronger than the thief that will restore justice and peace and joy, One who is fully capable, ready and eager to bring life, comfort, joy and hope to hearts ripped open by the thief's cruel attack.

“Jesus, come very close to each of us who have been once again damaged and wounded by the enemy. Show us the real truth about you and dispel the lies that cause us to be afraid of you and your ways. Show us your face and wrap your arms around those who are hurting and confused in a strong, heartfelt embrace of reassurance and blessing. I praise you for your true goodness, your covenant lovingkindness that can never be defeated or diminished. You alone are truly worthy of our adoration and honor. Reveal yourself to us in fresh new ways and revive our spirits with your Spirit to face the days ahead of us. Thank-you for being faithful even when we fail. Thank-you for your perfect, passionate love even though we mistake it for tainted human-type wrath. Thank-you that your ways are not our ways and your thoughts are not like our thoughts. Lift us higher in our perceptions of your truth and your ways and mentor our hearts to burn with the same passion that flows from your heart. Thank-you for life, for family, for bonds of love that draw us to you and connect us with each other.”

Even so, come Lord Jesus!

The Pain of Passing Heart-stones

Why does the Bible talk about the importance of a “broken spirit”, a broken heart? I wonder if it has something to do with the very necessary process revealed in Ezekiel 36 of replacing our heart of stone with a heart of flesh?

As I am thinking about this the idea of gallstones comes to mind. The intense pain caused by gallstones is because they are too big to pass out of the body freely and they get stuck in the exit channels. One of the ways available to doctors now is to use ultrasound to break up these stones into smaller pieces so the body can eliminate them.

Could this be a useful analogy to what God sometimes tries to do with our hearts of stone? Part of our transformation promised in this chapter is the removal of our stony hearts and the reception of new hearts of flesh. Maybe God uses some form of “ultrasound” to break our hearts so we will be more willing to let go of them in preparation to receiving new capacity hearts. Then we can experience the aliveness of having a heart that can feel, that can move, that is soft and warm and life-sharing.

But we cannot experience a new heart if we cannot let go of our hearts of stone. God promises that He can remove this heart of stone. He wants to do it far more than we want it because the real issue, as is repeatedly emphasized in this passage, is God's reputation. This whole arrangement of salvation is not primarily for our benefit, though that is a wonderful part of it, but is to clear the reputation and name of the Almighty Who has been terribly maligned and accused by His archenemy Satan. And to the extent that we have participated in the lies, deceptions and distortions of God in this conflict we need to be realigned and repaired and restored to our original function of accurate reflectors of God's true nature.

Part of the damage we have all experienced in this battle that involves far more than just us humans, is the resultant hardening of our hearts into stone. They still may look like hearts, they may have the shape of hearts, but, like petrified wood that sometimes looks so real, there is no life in them, no joy, no vital connection with the Head through the nervous system. And because our hearts are so well hidden from view deep inside us it becomes an extremely painful process to undergo the needed transplant.

A heart of stone can be a very heavy heart. A hard heart may produce very stiff-necked people. A stony heart often produces stony faces and even causes us to cast stones at others. The discovery of a (petrified) log in our eye obscuring our effectiveness in ministering to others may be indication of a petrified heart within. The many sharp slivers of lies embedded deeply in many of our memories are always due to heart damage and also contribute to our hardened condition. Just like the body sometimes forms very hard scar tissue around damaged areas, our hearts form hardness around the pain from the lies inflicted in us during times of trauma, neglect and abuse especially in our formative years.

I can see all of these symptoms in my own life. I sometimes tremble inside while I am in the middle of encouraging or giving spiritual counsel to another person when I think how hard my own heart must still be and how much healing I need myself. At those times I find myself crying out to God to use my voice to say what He wants to say to this person, because my wisdom and insights may very well be coming out distorted and maybe even empty due to the refractory nature of a petrified heart within me.

One of the most effective tools Satan uses in our experience to keep us from letting go of our petrified stony hearts is fear of pain. I have been told that passing gallstones is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. I imagine the same is true of passing heart-stones as well. As the passion, love and new truth about God shatters our encrusted old hearts and begins to turn them into brokenness, we may draw back in terror and begin to desperately look for alternatives to this pain. Fear of pain is one of the strongest motivators in this world that controls and manipulates nearly every one of us.

But fear is also the primary method used by Satan and his agents in this world to maintain his dominance in our lives. Why do you think that nearly every single time a messenger from heaven appears to humans they have to start out by reminding us to “fear not”? Because fear itself blocks effectively hearing the voice of God and allowing Him access to our hearts. That is precisely why we see the rapid proliferation of fear in all the world around us today. Satan is using any and every means possible to lock down the whole world under his death-grip of fear and control.

Our enemies are not the only ones who employ this weapon against our souls. We call them terrorists because they want to keep us in constant, debilitating terror and fear. Sadly our own government and society have fallen to the temptation to respond in kind and try to counter with trying to our-terrorize its own people as well as its enemies. Churches have used this technique for centuries and we are fast returning to the horrors that the world lived under during the dark ages. All of this because we are buying into the lie that fear is a legitimate means of creating conformity.

But fear is the domain of Satan and his kingdom. God does not employ Satan's weapons to grow His attributes in our hearts. Fear leads to hardness of heart and hard hearts are not God's desire for any of us. He is in the business of counteracting the results of sin and replacing hardness with softness, death with life, darkness with light, fear with love, desperate loneliness and isolation with joy.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)