Why Questions?

What are questions for? This came to my mind and the immediate ideas needed to get captured so I could review them later and think about them more.

I thought about the questions that God asked in the Garden after our parents sinned. I remembered how Jesus so often responded to questions with His own questions. From the context of thinking about things more from a heart perspective I found this very fascinating and revealing.

Quite obviously God does not need to ask questions to get information that He does not already completely know about. On the other hand that is the main reason we ask questions, isn't it? Or maybe I am showing my male bias here. I have been learning that women, generally speaking, dialog primarily to explore their feelings together more than to gather information. Men tend to be more solution oriented and want to collect facts for the purpose of compiling an answer to an exposed problem to dispense with it and move on. This is a source of much misunderstanding between the sexes particularly in marriages much of the time. It is also well addressed by the Love and Respect seminars put on by the Eggerich's which I recommend.

But what does questioning reveal about the questioner? And by this time you may be wondering what all these questions might be revealing about me. That too is probably a very valid question.

I am starting to see two distinct categories of questions that are not so much always distinguishable in the wording of the questions but in the spirit of the questioner. This is because of the difference between a person living primarily from their head/left brain and one who is living more from their heart/right brain.

I think a very good example of this is some of the very first questions found in history. After Adam and Eve sinned and suddenly felt overwhelmed with shame and guilt, God came along and began asking questions. Now, what you assume about this situation is greatly affected by several factors such as what you believe God is like and what His motives were for His questioning. If you assume that He was there to interrogate them, intensify their guilt and make sure they understood how bad they had been, then you are definitely living from an external-oriented religion no matter whether you profess to be religious or not.

On the other hand, if you see a God full of emotion and anguish reaching out to repair a ruptured heart relationship with two of His favorite children, then maybe you are on the road to understanding what the kingdom of heaven is really about.

When a person is more interested in heart connections than in external compliance and conformity, then their questions will be designed and their voice and body expressions will convey a deep desire to draw out the heart and affections of the other person being addressed. The questions will not be just about finding out things, though as humans that is necessary since we cannot know hearts as God can, but they will also be used to explore the real condition of the other person's heart. A person who lives from their heart always wants to connect more deeply with other hearts – that's just what hearts are designed for.

But when a person is still caught in the trap of being locked out of their own heart for whatever reason, they will tend to relate to others on a mostly information-based level or will tend to move toward a more condemning position that will further shut down or damage other hearts. The questions in this situation will be fishing for information that will likely be used for or against the other person later on.

This brings me to the difference between “judgment” vs. “condemnation”. True judgment (contrary to what many of us assumed from our upbringing) is simply a revealing outwardly of an inward condition. Condemnation, in contrast, is an imposition of shame, an intensifying of guilt feelings and an enhancing of the environment of fear. None of these things are in the heart of God and He does not operate to bring those things into our lives. Those are lies and death-producing techniques that Satan has developed to destroy the heart relationships that God desires to have with us and for us to share with each other.

This flows right into the common analogy of light and darkness so often mentioned in the Bible. When a person is trying to connect with the heart, their questions will be an attempt to bring that heart out into the light so that healing and understanding and bonding can take place in the warm atmosphere of the light of truth. But when a heart is locked down under the tyranny of left-brain a religion/philosophy/lifestyle way of thinking, then it will always be afraid to come to the light. That fear is justified by its belief that coming to the light of exposure will only result in more damage, more pain and more shame. Since our hearts are not wired to enjoy those kinds of things and does not desire them, a person who does not believe that the questioner has his best interest in mind will continue to hide deeper and deeper under a shell of self-defense and darkness. And if the questioner is more interested in the externals and in appearances than in restoring peace and love to the heart, then the other person who is afraid has good reason to continue to retreat deeper into his fears and hiding mechanisms even though those activities will further deepen his isolation and pain.

This brings to mind another problem that I have observed. I have repeatedly seen people who observe the wonderful results of a person who knows how to truly live from their heart working with another who is struggling in that direction. After getting excited about the tremendous potential of bringing relief and healing to others, these observers attempt to do the same work by carefully analyzing and trying to copy what they saw the first person do. They study the example very carefully, they create charts or complex analysis of the data, the techniques or any other of a multitude of tools that can be hypothesized and condensed from their study. Then they try to carefully copy the example, often turning it into a training program that they then “sell” to others and detail the parameters that they have set up for “success”.

But as many of us sadly realize, after awhile these programs prove to be inadequate to reach hearts effectively like the original demonstrations produced and more people line up with new programs and techniques to replace the old ones and everyone jumps on the next bandwagon to success. Does this sound familiar? I have seen it happen over and over and it will continue till the end of time. This is because simply copying the external “formulas” created by observing someone living from their heart never works well because the most important element has been left out and overlooked. Copying the questions word for word that work so effectively when used by a person of the heart does not produce the same results when used in the sterile environment of externalism.

By no means at all do I claim to know a lot about this subject. I have spent most of my life living on the “external” side of this issue and only recently have become more aware of the heart side. I am just beginning to even be more aware of my own heart and am even less skillful at working with the hearts of others. But I am becoming more and more aware of the vital significance of not only living from my heart but relating to others at a heart level more than any other level. It does not mean that information, facts and external are not important at all. It is just that when I allow them to eclipse the greater importance of staying relational and connected at the heart level I am back into activities and misunderstandings that cause more damage that later has to be addressed as well.

So how do I learn how to use questions to connect at the heart level? How do I learn to explore and encourage and heal with my words? Even more important, how do I get my body language and voice tone and facial expressions to synchronize with my hearts desires to bond in healthy relationships with other hearts? I know there are a lot of people who know me asking the same questions about me. So many questions – but how are they asked and what will they be used to accomplish?