Inhibitions to Celebration

Now all the tax collectors and the sinners were coming near Him to listen to Him. Both the Pharisees and the scribes began to grumble, saying, "This man receives sinners and eats with them."

So He told them this parable, saying, "What man among you, if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? "When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. "And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!' "I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.

"Or what woman, if she has ten silver coins and loses one coin, does not light a lamp and sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? "When she has found it, she calls together her friends and neighbors, saying, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin which I had lost!' "In the same way, I tell you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."

And He said, "A man had two sons.... "So he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. "And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' "But the father said to his slaves, 'Quickly bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet; and bring the fattened calf, kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; for this son of mine was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.' And they began to celebrate. "Now his older son... said to his father, 'Look! For so many years I have been serving you and I have never neglected a command of yours; and yet you have never given me a young goat, so that I might celebrate with my friends; but when this son of yours came, who has devoured your wealth with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him.' "And he said to him, 'Son, you have always been with me, and all that is mine is yours. 'But we had to celebrate and rejoice, for this brother of yours was dead and has begun to live, and was lost and has been found.'" (Luke 15:1-32)

I have no stomach right now to launch into a theological propounding of the assumptions to be drawn from this much-studied text – at least not from the intellectual side stripped of the real heart functions illustrated in these stories. Right now I want to internalize what my heart wants to experience that is so well expressed by some of these key phrases and words that for most of my life have been almost totally foreign to me.

I started thinking this morning about reactions that I have observed and experienced in relationship to different events involving “good news” that someone had, something that they were excited about and wanted to share their excitement with others. As I sat down to write out my thoughts and explore them further one of my daughters asked me what I was writing about so I shared with her what I was about to unpack. She then began sharing with me her perspective and thoughts about this which I must give credit to for much of what I am sharing.

Let me back up and explain what I shared with her as we started discussing this idea of celebrating with someone else. A day or two ago I mentioned to someone special in my life that I was talking to on the phone that I was repairing my boat. In my heart I was hoping that they would share my excitement at the prospect that soon we would be able to have it available to make more great memories together having fun on the lake with friends. But instead they reminded me of their disappointment in me that I had not done it much sooner so they could enjoy it over Memorial day weekend with their friends.

I realize that it would be completely useless to try to justify myself or rehearse my explanations as to why I wan not able to do it sooner due to various financial and time restrictions. It was simply viewed as a personal slight to them, a disregard for their desires, that I did not care about them as much as I claimed. This caused me a little internal pain, but I refused to allow it to cloud my affection for them. It was more that I realized we had missed yet another opportunity for bonding through the function of celebration. It also reminded me painfully that this pattern has been a well-recognized habit in my own life as I have missed thousands of opportunities to enter into other people's joy without reservation, self-pity or jealousy.

The second thing that I related to my daughter this morning was about her own experience she is having right now. We drove to Michigan last night so that she could pick up the car that she had put a deposit on about a week ago. She has been so excited about finding this car for such a good price. It is in nearly mint condition, well taken care of by its owner and is one of the best brands on the market. It fits her personality perfectly and after we picked it up and drove to another daughter's house to spend the night she did not want to quite driving it she was enjoying it so much. All evening she could not contain her excitement over her new “toy” as the little kid in her reveled in delight over her new car. I have accompanied her over the past few weeks on some of her various forays to find a car. We have been to a big car auction and have checked out cars from ads in the paper. She was determined to not accept anything less than what met her quite high expectations in a car that baffled most of the people around her. But I wanted to respect her individuality so I encouraged her to keep looking until she was satisfied. When she found this car she was not only happy with the car but was thrilled that the owner was a person that she could connect with as well on a deeper level than strictly business. The lady had come over from Czechoslovakia to this country to follow her desire for adventure and was living out her dream. She had been very happy with this car and was even quite sad to see it go, but she was also looking forward to getting a brand new car that was even better whenever she could make up her mind which one to choose.

As I went through these events with my daughter and observed her bubbling excitement over her new purchase, I have to admit that a little jealousy stirred up inside of me. I tried to check it at once and not allow it to spoil her enthusiasm but I was still aware of it and maybe even allowed it to influence my jokes with her about her new car. Internally I struggled as to how to relate to this negative emotion without just trying to repress it. As I did so I realized that it has roots far back in my life when it was trained into my psyche that celebration was not acceptable and joy was virtually an unknown in my heart. I have not really learned by experience how to enter into joy with other people uninhibitedly. I feel cheated in this area and even jealous of people who can connect with others in celebrating their joys as well as sharing with them in their sorrows or pain. That is what I want to be like and I am impatient to get there.

Anyway, I shared the two events in brief with my daughter this morning and the emotions that they evoked in me and we discussed them for a few minutes. I told her that I want to learn how to fully share her elation with her as much as I can so I can reinforce and amplify her joy. This is the bonding process that takes place in true community and since the family God has put together with our lives is the community that I live in I want to better relate to them and learn to celebrate with them. “Learn” is the operative word here, and while my heart certainly would love to celebrate on many occasions my mind is still so full of fear and inhibitions that it often blocks the free expression of my heart's desires.

As we talked about these things a few root ideas began to condense in my mind. One is that self-pity spoils joy-sharing. That is usually present due to a lack of maturity more than a sense of malice or ill-will. How often opportunities to celebrate with others are missed or contaminated by my own self-pity that “good things only happen to other people”. This is a symptom of negative thinking which is a malignant disease that afflicts too many of us.

My daughter shared with me that the way she relates to this problem is to realize that she has a choice to make; she can indulge in self-pity about bad things that have happened to her (and she certainly has plenty of that to reflect on) or she can view them as lessons to contrast with the good things in her life so that she can appreciate them even more by comparison. She reminded me that stuff happens to give me a better perspective of who I am if I am willing to view it that way. She has chosen to look at life through positive lenses in spite of the fact that much of her life has been trashed by many people through whom she should have been nurtured and protected. Then to add insult to injury along come people who think that because of her cheerful, sweet disposition that she must have had it easy all of her life and that she could not possibly relate to anyone else's problems effectively. That is a real source of pain for her sensitive heart, but to me reveals a special beauty in the very unique qualities that God has implanted in her.

Another block to celebrating and rejoicing with others is the problem of jealousy. Jealousy poisons my ability to freely enter into celebration. Jealousy is a very caustic form of selfishness that tears apart emotional bonds and destroys love and affection. I seldom admit to falling victim to this vice but it influences more of my relationships that I may care to imagine. Together jealousy and self-pity are very effective inhibitors that severely limit the depth of my attachments to those that I want to love and cherish. I want to eradicate these selfish traits from my life and live more fully in the atmosphere of heaven described in the above passage where it is just a given assumption that “we had to celebrate and rejoice!”

Emotions are symptoms of the heart. Suppressing emotions represses the heart and makes it impossible for me to freely live from my heart. If I have negative emotions that are causing problems in my life I should not hide from them or try to reinforce them by gathering sympathy for them but I must acknowledge them for what they are, trace them back to the root faults underlying them and then receive the freedom that truth can bring to my soul. That truth is not primarily intellectual though that may be involved in it, but it is a truth that lies at the very foundation of my perception of my identity and my value. When that truth is accepted deep in my experiential memories and pours the healing oil of grace into my wounded, lacerated heart-memories, and when I can receive the fact that God, along with some of His children, is willing and maybe even eager to love me and be with me no matter what I am experiencing, and that that love is not something that I have to earn, then I will be more free and uninhibited to celebrate and rejoice with others and I will enjoy having them do the same with me.