Never Look for Justice

Well it's happened again. The reading in My Utmost today continues to prick me with reminders of my need to sharply focus my attention on God instead of looking out for my own interests or trying to defend myself. It also reminds me of a number of things I have been collecting lately to post about self-justification or self-defending that I have not yet condensed enough to finish.

In a side note, I would like to pass along a resource that I found last night on the web if any of you are interested in utilizing it. As you can probably tell by now I am a great fan of My Utmost for His Highest and have been interested for some time in purchasing more material by him. I came across a web site that not only provides each day's readings on its cover page so anyone can read it, but also has links for purchasing all of his other materials. The version of My Utmost that they use for this purpose is the “updated edition” which is worded differently than the older one I prefer. But many people prefer the newer addition and say that it is much easier for them to understand. At any rate, I ended up ordering a volume that has all of the things he ever wrote plus a CD containing all of his materials as well.

This is the part of today's reading that brought conviction to me and really got my attention.

The Sermon on the Mount indicates that when we are on Jesus Christ's errands, there is no time to stand up for ourselves. Jesus says, in effect, Do not be bothered with whether you are being justly dealt with or not. To look for justice is a sign of deflection from devotion to Him. Never look for justice in this world, but never cease to give it. If we look for justice, we will begin to grouse and to indulge in the discontent of self-pity – Why should I be treated like this? If we are devoted to Jesus Christ we have nothing to do with what we meet, whether it is just or unjust. Jesus says – Go steadily on with what I have told you to do and I will guard your life. If you try to guard it yourself, you remove yourself from My deliverance. The most devout among us become atheistic in this connection; we do not believe God, we enthrone common sense and tack the name of God on to it. We do lean to our own understanding, instead of trusting God with all our hearts. (MUHH 6/27)

I have been reminded many times over the last couple of weeks to be very careful about getting focused on defending myself instead of trusting in truth to vindicate itself and letting God be my defense. I have been learning a great deal about this and wonder if that is not one reason why I have not finished my writing about self-defensiveness – because I had a lot more to learn before I put out my thoughts on it. I will say that I am learning some of the benefits of letting God be my focus instead of indulging in self-pity and resentment. But I have to also be honest and say it is extremely tough to keep that kind of thinking when feeling very misunderstood and alone and under suspicion by many of those who I want to love me.

I have sensed throughout this experience that the more I try to justify myself and indulge in pointing out the errors of those who are against me and the problems with their arguments, the less credible my own words become and the more doubt I end up casting upon my own integrity. As I have repeatedly noticed, my temptation is always to imbibe of the spirit of those who have misread me and are creating suspicions about me. This is always the case because of our natural response to act like mirrors toward other people. We always see our own faults most intensely in others and are in danger of using them to avoid facing them within ourselves.

While I have been learning that in principle over the past few years, putting it into practice in the tough arena of the down and dirty real world is a much harder lesson. I cannot say that I have always taken the higher road in this matter consistently. There have been times when I feel that I crossed the line and began to indulge in accusing my accusers. But the Holy Spirit has been faithful to convict me and I want to stay in right relationship to God more than anything else. I know in my heart that this is really a golden opportunity for growth and maturing in my life if I am willing to endure the pain and depend on God.

I must also acknowledge that I have been blessed with a number of people in my life who have come forward over time and supported me by believing in my heart as well as challenging me to to experience more healing. They have helped give me perspective when tunnel-vision threatened to distort my view of reality and they remind me of what they see in me when I forget or cannot see clearly through the fog of emotions and the pressure of temptations from the spirit realm. I deeply appreciate these people and value them as genuine friends in my life, and I hope to become more of that kind of person myself through this experience.

I also want to keep very high in my priority the love that I still have for those who have misunderstood me and still cling to their dark suspicions about me. I deeply care for them and want them to experience the peace and healing that is the real desire of their hearts. They mistakenly believe that they can find satisfaction through creating doubt and suspicions about me in the minds of others. But that road is always a false trail that leads only to more pain and emptiness for those who choose it. But I want to keep the trail clear of any obstacles that I am tempted to create that would hinder their return journey to joy in reconnecting with those who really love them.

But most of all I want to become totally devoted to Jesus Christ much more than to finding justice. I have to repeatedly choose each day to remember and practice the things that God is showing me and teaching my heart. I have been receiving coordinated messages from Him every day through different avenues that are synchronized around the same themes and I want to assimilate them as quickly as my heart can grasp their value and integrate them internally. I sometimes feel very confused, but I trust the One who is coordinating everything behind the scenes and is faithful to finish the work that He started. I choose not to indulge in guarding myself and thereby removing myself from His deliverance. God has been pretty clear in some of these things to me but I easily forget sometimes when I am distracted and have to be reminded either internally by my conscience or through others who remind me to continue trusting and believing in God's faithful love for me no matter what circumstances look or feel like.

I do not want to “enthrone common sense and tack the name of God on to it.” I choose to avoid leaning on my own understanding and I want to learn to trust God with all of my heart. His heart can always be trusted and His promises, not only to me but to anyone desiring to lean on them, contain the power of self-fulfillment inherent in them from the infallible Source of Life and genuine satisfaction.

Thank-you Jesus for this experience that is causing me to grow in grace and in knowing You more intimately. Use these circumstances in my life to bring honor to Your name no matter what happens to me. Cause me to walk in Your ways and use this experience to attract many others to Your beauty, Your trustworthiness and Your goodness. I love You and worship You as my own God, my personal Saviour and submit to You as my Lord. Teach me Your ways and Your wisdom and flood my heart with Your spirit, Your kindness and compassion and Your humility for Your name's sake.