Delicate

The thought keeps coming up again and again over the past months and recent years about the delicacy of God. It is not something that fits well with our normal view of religion or theology, but I have a growing conviction that it is far more important than I have given it credibility. It is something I need to stop and think about with more focus and intentionality.

One of the best and clearest examples of this is the experience of Elijah on the Mount of God after running away from Jezebel in disgrace. I believe Elijah had fine-tuned his ability and sensitivity over his lifetime of listening to the very gentle promptings of the Spirit of God – the still, small voice. He just forgot temporarily and was taken advantage of by the accuser who was able to intimidate him with fear temporarily. So God had to take him back to the lesson board and remind him of the most important element of communication with God.

When the Bible says that God spoke to someone, I will give that they may have heard an audible voice speaking to them with sharp clarity. But I also wonder if many times it was not so much an unmistakable voice that was clearly from the right supernatural source as it was a condition of extreme sensitivity on the part of the person who had learned so well to walk with God that they could sense Him impressions and feel the messages from His heart in the quietness of their soul without an external voice using human words. They might have developed an intimacy with God whereby He did not have to always condense His desires into human words but could directly communicate to their hearts and let their minds (left brains) translate them into human terminology.

The reason this is so difficult to even discuss or contemplate is that it is so out of tune with what we typically want to believe about God. We generally want to think of God in terms of power, advantage, blessings for our benefit, great external accomplishments and feats that defeat our/His enemies. These are the primary colors that we want to see God painted in and the beauty, tenderness, kindness, patience etc. of God we usually relegate to a secondary place in our views of Him. But I am coming to think this is all backwards and because of this tendency we find it very difficult to understand God very well, we find it very difficult to hear God very clearly, and we find it very difficult to interpret correctly the actions of God particularly when they appear to reinforce our cherished beliefs about His power and His motives.

But to even try to ponder and explore this side of God presents a real problem for us – and maybe especially for me. For the very nature of the way I think is so foreign to this concept that when I try to approach it it seems to hide and elude my concentration on it. I have the same problem when I try to relate to very sensitive people; I find that sooner or later they have been hiding much about themselves from me because they are really afraid of me even though I could not discern it. They often pull away from me and leave me guessing and wondering once again what I have done wrong to offend.

Now I don't have any illusions that God is hiding from me because of fear, but like a very delicate snowflake that is glistening with unimaginable beauty, when I approach it the very warmth of my presence and the unintended effects of my warm breath cause its beauty to melt away before I have time or opportunity to really appreciate its beauty and delicacy. That is the feeling I get each time I begin to approach this subject, this truth about God.

But that does not mean I have to give up in despair. I believe God's desire for all of us is to come into such a relationship with each one of us and bring us to the place where we will be able to dialog heart to heart with such an openness and sensitivity that we will never need to resort to words if we choose not to. And our sympathies and feelings and desires will be so aligned and reflective of His that we will have simply become perfect and unique reflections of some aspect of His feelings, thoughts and personality, though not a complete replication. I believe that it takes all of the Body of Christ, all of the people united that He is preparing who are willing to be transformed into reflections of part of Him – all of them together who will reflect more completely the wholeness of God. That is why we cannot grow very well outside of a living, vibrant community of genuine believers, because that is the context where we must be stimulated and protected while we grow up in maturity and reflection of God.

I have been working in my garden lately and have been frustrated at how very delicate some of the plants and vines are. My intentions are all very well and good as I work with them but the results sometimes have been catastrophic. I have been putting straw underneath the long growing vines to keep the fruit from lying on the dirt and getting moldy. But in moving the vines to get the straw under them they very easily kink or break causing the vines to wither and sometimes die completely within a few days. They are so delicate and sensitive that it is nearly impossible to do what I need to do without causing even more damage than what I am trying to prevent.

Obviously it would have been much wiser to lay the straw down much earlier before the plants grew so large so I would not have to move them now. But that is wisdom that will have to wait for another growing season to be of use now. What is more exasperating is that there is no shortage of weed vines that have no problem whatsoever in being moved, tampered with, yanked around etc. without complaining or dying. Why couldn't the good fruit-bearing vines be as healthy as the weeds? I know, every gardener since father Adam has been asking that question. But I strongly suspect there are a lot of spiritual lessons embedded intentionally by God in these things of nature for me to learn in my dealings with others and also with Him.

I can see that this subject of the delicacy of God is not emerging very well in this writing. I am also realizing that it is a subject very important but so complex and sensitive that it will take much more than this writing to begin to explore it. However, I still feel it is far too underrated in its significance and I want to pursue it and experience it much more intentionally. Even though my words and my relationships are all too much like my clumsy fingers attempting to move delicate vines and causing a lot of damage in the process, I have to trust God's grace to heal the damage and guide me into having more skill, insight and sensitivity so that I can be much more like Him in patience, kindness and grace.

I can see that this is a side of God that is probably much more revealing about His true nature than most of the ones I have been exposed to all of my life and I want to move in this direction. Even though most people around me don't sometimes appear as interested in this as much, it may be just because of the numbness of my perceptions more than the reality of their intentions. It is the Spirit of God that is coordinating the creation of His Body and it is His job to do the secret heart-work necessary for each of us to be more skilled and willing to live in the delicate, sensitive atmosphere that is a reality when living in closeness to God. In the meantime we live under the umbrella of grace where God protects us from the myriads of catastrophes that our ineptness causes in our hearts. I want to become more sensitive, more gentle, more relaxed and observant and caring. That is a work that I will have to trust the Holy Spirit to accomplish within me for I do not have the ability or even the desire sometimes needed to arrive at that condition.

God, show me more about this side of You that has been hidden from my dull senses for so long. Grow new capacities within me that will enable me to hear You more clearly and sense Your feelings and thoughts more instantly. Polish my mirror so that I will better reflect the truth about You to others. Repair my nerve damage that limits my motor skills and feeling receptors and awaken new thoughts and desires in me that I have never known before. Make me an experiment of Your grace that will amaze even the angels that stand around Your throne and think they have seen everything. Yes, You have promised to do it and You are faithful to finish what You have started. I trust You to fulfill Your Word in my heart and life and rest in Your love and protection and good plans for me.