A Fallen Comrade

A good friend is with me no more on this earth. He passed away sometime during the night last night after two weeks without food or water. It was difficult to watch him decline during that time but I was also amazed at his determination for independence and his display of loyalty and love to the very end.

We never heard him complain during his last days. Instead, every time I came close to him he would respond with immediate affection and enjoy my presence. When he could summon up enough strength he would walk around to find me or follow me so he could be close to me. Even when he could hardly raise his head off the floor he would reach out to hold me and talk softly to me. Yes, it was hard to see him go.

He has been a very close friend and wonderful comrade for many years. He has been unusually devoted to me and even more so in his last few years. While never losing his unique personality he became very attached to me for whatever reason and has given me many years of loyal friendship and wonderful entertainment.

I remember when he first came to our home and joined our family. He was very frightened and insecure and immediately disappeared under our couch not to be seen again for nearly two days. After that he ventured out to explore our small house and get acquainted with his new “siblings”. It was not long before he became a classic ham, creating enough humor and entertainment with his funny, laid-back ways to keep me in stitches at times.

I particularly remember the times when he would be laying on a library table enjoying the sunshine in front of our living room window. He would become so completely relaxed that he would slowly begin to slide off the edge of the table like molasses pouring over the edge. But unlike the usual behavior for a feline he would simply allow himself to completely slide off the table and fall unceremoniously on the floor without even attempting to catch himself. I found this so funny that I could hardly quit laughing which is a very good thing for my health since I seldom get enough of that therapy.

Over the years he has made three moves with us to new houses. In the second house he shared with us he decided to go off on his own adventures for a number of days which caused me a great deal of consternation. It was at this point that I came to an intense consciousness of how much I cared for him. I could not escape my worrying about what might have become of him but there was nothing more I could think of to do. We had created signs with this picture on them and posted them around the community and I finally had to face the fact that I had to turn all of my feelings and fears over to God and release them or I would not be able to function or even hardly sleep. I began to realize that George was just a gift from God to me and that I had to allow God to be responsible for looking out for both me and for my beloved cat.

It was very shortly after I accepted that important lesson that he showed up quite nonchalantly on our front lawn after we had just combed much of the area looking for him and putting up posters. He acted as though nothing was out of the ordinary and seemed to wonder what all the fuss was about. We immediately escorted him back into the house and tried to keep a much closer eye on the outside doors from then on so he wouldn't slip past us and escape again.

The reason we could not let him out was because when he came to us he had already been de-clawed by his former owners. They had been living in some university apartments and were trying to keep him until they could finish school even though it was against the rules to have pets in the apartments. However, one day someone spotted him sitting in the front window and reported them as “violators” so they quickly brought him over to our house before he could be arrested and deported. That is how George came to become one of the most memorable “children” we have had over the years.

When he first came to us he had been called by various names which I cannot now recall. None of them seemed to fit his personality and I began to wonder what his name really was. As I watched him the name George began to present itself for a number of reasons. He was at times very curious, “curious George”. At other times he seemed rather aloof and disdainful, “King George”, I thought. And at other times he was simply a good friend, just “good ole' George”.

After that episode of losing him for several days and receiving him back, I felt compelled to sit down and capture my feelings on paper and condense the lessons I was learning into language. I kept that writing as an important reminder to me of my need to hold more loosely to the gifts that God blesses me with than I hold onto Him personally, and learn to trust the giver more than clinging to the gift.

Over the years for whatever reasons George seemed to form a special bond with me. We were able to read each other's minds and began to care more deeply for each other. Looking back over all these years with him it is now much more clear to me that God brought George into our home to share a little bit of Himself with us through one of his special friends. I have seen so many attributes in George that I would like to emulate, things that are weaknesses in my life that need to change, areas that I need to grow and strengthen in my relationships with others.

Though George had a very individual personality that baffled many people, he became very loyal to me and over the last few years exhibited more and more unconditional love toward me. This became rather obvious to many others and I realized that I too wanted to learn to love others with that kind of unfailing devotion that I was receiving from him. I came to realize that George's devotion for me was putting my own shallow care for others to shame. There have been many times over the past few months that I have been sometimes almost in awe as I saw traits of behavior that corresponded to the fresh and wonderful things I have been learning about God in my personal study and experience. I could not deny that God was often speaking to my heart through this very special cat that He had given me. And I also have no doubt that that same God will someday bring us back together to enjoy eternity celebrating life together that will never again be spoiled by disease, pain, sorrow and death.

There have been times over the past few weeks that I began to feel very sad as I watched him get weaker and weaker. But then the thought would occur to me that I needed to focus more on enjoying the fact that he was still alive and still loving me instead of spoiling the brief time we had left together mourning his loss before he was actually gone. I would then simply live in the present moment and relish the affection that he was so ready to give to me. Those were such special moments to me that I could not describe them very well with words. They were moments of the heart.

Quite sadly I was not able to be there for him in his last hours. In many ways his last days reminded me of the last days of my own Dad's life a couple of years ago. I am sometimes confused as to how my brain processes these sorts of events. It seems that I do not follow the typical patterns of grieving like most people do. I suppose that has a number of reasons and I'm not sure how to relate to that. It seems that my most intense – but very short – moments of grief come in flashes of anticipation long before the actual death occurs. But then as the real event comes near and transpires my mind seems to feel almost unaffected or disconnected a little bit. I could come up with all sorts of attempted explanations for that that may or may not be true or helpful, but it does seem to be a pattern that repeats itself in my life.

I am certainly glad, however, that I truly believe in a God of goodness, power and love whom I am confident has some very incredible plans to diffuse all the pain and sorrow that death has caused us. I am eagerly looking forward to a resurrection where I fully intend to reunite with my parents and others that have been taken away from my life. And while there may be serious reservations in the minds of others about what will happen to our pets that we have lost, I am settled in my confidence that because God is the way He is that He has some very exciting and possibly interesting plans to bring back all the important relationships that sin has ripped away from our affections including our pets. There is enough solid evidence about how God feels about all the creatures He has created, in addition to His faithfulness to care for even the little things that affect our lives that I rest in total confidence in someday enjoying spending a lot more quality time with one of the best friends I have ever had, my beloved George.

For those of you who are simply baffled by the affections that a grown man may have for a cat – well, all I can say is that I feel sorry for you. You may have other strong points that I am lacking, but you are missing a very important quality of soul that somehow I have been able to enjoy to some extent. And while I am probably lacking in far more social skills and character attributes than I am blessed with, I have been blessed to share my life with a long line of pet cats and dogs that have been an important part of living for me. I have also been blessed with a wife who, compared to me is almost an extremist in this area. If I don't restrain her we might likely be living in a very large cat-farm with little money left for ourselves. Well, that may not be very nice to say and is likely a male exaggeration to some extent, but you get the idea I suppose.

So I will miss George for the time being. But I have grown and learned from him and will always have the memories and pictures, if not in my hands, in my heart. I loved George very much. He taught me more about love and life and living, and I thank God for the years we shared together.

Good-bye, comrade. And I plan to see you again, hopefully in the not too distant future God willing.