Notes From Inside My Head

This title is not to be confused with a blog site of the same name which I enjoy reading on a regular basis. But it seems like a good description for what I have to share right now.

We have started reading a book we got from the library called Healing Your Family History by Rebecca Linder Hintze with the forward written by Stephen Covey. We have not gotten too far into it but it is already obvious this is a keeper. I think we are going to have to find where to purchase one soon because we are going to want our own copy.

In what we have read and discussed so far we have learned that this is an excellent resource for unlocking a great deal of issues that plague the minds and hearts of everyone. It is very practical ideas and guidance for facing assumptions not only from our past but from our culture and our families. If a person is serious about experiencing real improvement and change in their life I would recommend getting this book. Of course, like so many other things it will only work to the extent that a person is willing to be honest about what is going on inside and not just go through motions. But this is a good forum for facing that issue as well.

We have had a lot happen over the past weekend that I do not yet feel free to talk about to the whole world yet – not that anyone other than two or three people even look at this except by accident. I will say that I have visited a lot of my personal emotions in some very intense ways that I do not normally do that has left me wondering where or who I am at times. There were moments when I hoped there might be some major breakthroughs that never materialized, at least at the conscious level. On the other hand I believe after some hard work and painful but careful exchanges that significant progress in some of my relationships has occurred.

While I could wish that there was much more taking place I also remember that God is very thorough in the work He does at the heart level which sometimes takes much longer to accomplish than the surface job that we may be looking for. Man looks on the outward appearances but God looks at the heart. I want to allow my heart to catch up to many of the things my head has been learning about over the past few years, but that is an area that is difficult if not impossible to direct easily. Because the heart growth is much more dependent on relationships for real progress than head knowledge requires, I have a much more difficult time growing in this area because my relational skills are so stunted.

I was faced this weekend with opening up a somewhat recent very painful emotional wound and revisiting it for the sole purpose of attempting to bring some healing and restoration into it. I am trusting that the process of healing has been initiated and will progress under the influence of God's Spirit doing whatever it is that He does behind the scenes, but that will require much more time and transformation on the part of others besides just myself to accomplish what I hope to see take shape. Of course I do not have to remain unhealed just because others might choose to remain stuck in certain thinking patterns and try to hold me hostage. To wait until they are willing to heal would be willing bondage to someone else's triggers and making myself a hostage to their growth schedule. I can and am determined to continue my own healing journey with or without others around me who may be involved. But it is always much better when the healing and growth can be mutual and parallel in the lives of people involved in incidents of pain and misunderstanding.

In light of what is happening in this area I find it significant that we started reading this book at this time in our life. It is bringing yet another approach to solving the real issues of life that so often hold us hostage for many years and yet confirms very closely other methods that we are already familiar with. Nearly every ministry and source that we have involved ourselves in over the past few years is so similar in many ways that it becomes clear that they are all modeled in some way on the ancient principles through which God designed for us to find healing and growth in our lives and hearts.

Right now I have been out of work for a number of weeks which has allowed me a lot of time to fill my mind with good things to feed my soul and spirit if I choose to do so. I have tried not to waste that opportunity and have been learning a great deal on a number of different fronts. I am also trying to put into practice the things I have learned for years about how to relate properly to situations like this in true faith and not indulge in fear or stress. I am realizing that the mind is a very slippery thing to steer and that living in proper relationship with God and with others takes a lot of openness and willingness to revisit many assumptions. That's where I am presently living inside my head right now.