Peter's Recovery - scene 4 (click here for next scene)

Breakfast together on the beach with close friends – leisure time – quiet time together. Jesus was using a feature that He had designed into the human brain to respond to healthy relationships. He was synchronizing their minds with His by matching and calming their mental states with His own quiet spirit. It was critical that they spend some important quiet time together before they went into the intense work of facing the inner pain, shame and fear and then the restoration of their hearts to real joy.

Jesus was also careful to consider Peter's physical condition before He led him into his emotional pain to receive healing. Peter had been working very hard all night and was tired, hungry and very discouraged. And even though the miracle of 153 very large fish gave Peter an emotional lift, his blood sugar was still low and he needed something to eat. Jesus took this opportunity to transform the very symbol of shame – the charcoal fire – into a means of fellowship with Himself by having a simple, familiar fisherman's breakfast already warm and ready to eat, waiting on those very coals when Peter arrived. Jesus is always thoughtful, considerate and very kind. He waited in patience with no urgency for His disciples to finish their breakfast and feel physically satisfied before beginning the tough emotional work.

Now it was time to move into the serious healing of Peter's soul, his shattered identity, his depression and hopeless despair. No, Jesus was not interested in restoring Peter to his old confidence and self-assurance. Peter's brokenness had paved the way for his true conversion. Jesus had told him just before that fateful night out that he would be converted, and now the time had come.

“Do you love me, Peter, more than the blessings I have given you? You still love to fish, Peter. But I am going to ask you to enter a whole new type of ministry than what you have been thinking about and putting together in your imagination. Your identity has always been as a fisherman, a man of the sea, a cut above all the land-lubbers. You have used tricks and nets to deceive fish to trap and force them into your boat with no concern or thought of their well-being. You have always taken great pride in your personal skill and experience in this occupation and it has strongly influenced the way you related to other people. It has made you independent with no need to rely on others for support. But in the kingdom of heaven dependence is an essential element to unity and success.

“So now, Peter the great fishing champion, I am going to reassign you to a radically different challenge that you feel completely unfitted for, maybe even have personally despised. I am asking you to be one of those land-lubber, soft hearted, tender and caring people called shepherds. Yes, you heard me right. You are no longer going to round up and trap your victims and force them into compliance. You are going to learn to listen to and live from your heart. You will learn to attract and lead instead of deceive and drive. You, with your deeply wounded heart, are now in healing transition and will have new ability and discernment to relate to the weakest and most vulnerable around you with new compassion, humility and love. You will now become the leader of my people, just like the shepherd Moses was so long ago. As I leave, you are now much better suited and equipped through this experience of humiliation and pain to relate to my sheep, my children, the way I do, and the way I have always treated you.”

Jesus' first question involved Peter's strong attachment to his personal success and occupation. “Peter, do you love me more than these?” He said as He looked over at the gleaming pile of large fish. The word that Jesus used for love asked Peter if he loved Jesus with complete, noble, selfless love like Jesus had for Peter. But Peter in his pain and humiliation could not allow him to claim any longer that he was a confident, loyal comrade of Jesus. He was not even sure himself what to make of all the confusing emotions swirling around within him right now. He had to honestly confess that he could only claim to have a human friendship-type love for Jesus. And so playing it safe he responded, “You know that I care about you as a friend.” He now was much more cautious about his self-analysis than ever before.

Jesus accepted his answer and immediately said, “Feed and care for My lambs.” This was Peter's first clue as to his new place and function that Jesus had in store for him.

A second time Jesus turned to Peter and asked the same question, “'Simon, son of John, do you love Me?' He said to Him, 'Yes, Lord; You know that I have fond feelings for You.' He said to him, 'Shepherd My sheep.'”

This second time Jesus did not refer to Peter's old occupation. He evidently accepted Peter's first answer as meaning that Jesus really was more important to him than his past identity as a rugged fisherman. By this time Peter was feeling very vulnerable and very much in touch with his shame and remorse. He still would not trust his heart to lay claim for himself that level of selfless love to Jesus no matter how much he wished he could. He believed his heart had let him down, had deceived him and caused him to commit high treason against his best friend and against God Himself. Jesus was touching his heart at the most painful place possible and in front of the others watching and listening to every word. There was no escaping this moment. He had to face the memories, the pain and shame. But there was not a better place to do it than in the comforting, accepting, loving presence of his dearest friend and the only One who had the power to restore his heart. The process was becoming excruciating, but the healing was also having its effect and Peter stayed with it.

When Jesus directed Peter to “feed my lambs”, He was not just leading Peter to a totally opposite and foreign way of life but was leading him to focus on the weakest and most vulnerable ones within the community. Now after Peter's second response Jesus broadened His directive to include the whole scope of the shepherd's responsibility. Not only should he look after all the sheep – the older as well as the younger – but he was to be a shepherd himself, not just a helper feeding only the lambs. In fact, Jesus was asking Peter to a great degree to step into His own shoes and take over much of His duties on earth as Jesus left to take on greater duties in heaven. They were to be linked together in nurturing, protecting and growing the flock of God, each from his unique location.

But when after a few minutes of quietness and discomfort, Jesus spoke the same words to Peter again, it was simply more than his bleeding heart could withstand. This time Jesus picked up the response that Peter had now twice given Him, avoiding the deeper word for love that Jesus had used.

“Simon, son of John, do you really even care about Me as a friend as you say?”

Grief ripped through Peter's soul reminding him of that awful moment at the fire in the courtyard when Jesus looked at him with such pity and sympathy right after his last denial with curses and profanity. His wound was now lanced and wide open, the puss was pouring out and there was no longer anything to hold back. As Peter looked inside himself he realized there was nothing of any value that he could produce within himself that was worth offering to Jesus. All he could do was throw himself on the mercy and love of this God that Jesus had been revealing to him and let Him look for Himself into Peter's heart to find whatever He wanted there.

Remembering how Jesus was so good at looking right into people's souls so easily, Peter decided to simply let Jesus find the answer to His own question. “Lord, you know everything; you know that I care about you.”

Jesus responded one last time with the instruction to “Feed My sheep”. It was now very clear now that Peter was no longer to be a fisherman. Not only did Jesus restore Peter to a full-fledged disciple in front of the others erasing all questions in their minds; He made it crystal clear that Peter's new identity would take the shape of a shepherd. Inherent in God's commands are the power to do them when one is in relationship with Him. And although Peter knew very little about sheep or lambs, he knew that he could trust Jesus for whatever would come in his future.

The process of Peter's restoration did involve three public affirmations of allegiance and love to renounce and refute his previous three denials. But even more importantly, Jesus was teaching Peter that the bed-rock foundation of all effective ministry to others is passionate love for Jesus with no dependence on self. This love would spring from a reservoir of the personal experience of forgiveness and grace poured into his soul by his Saviour and God. Jesus called Peter to be a shepherd, the opposite in many respects to fishing, so that Peter would have to live in total and constant reliance on the One who was the expert in this unfamiliar field.

Another important point that should not be missed is the three times that Jesus addressed Peter as “son of John”. Peter's perception of his identity was intrinsically tied to his father and all that that implied. Like their ancestor Jacob, Peter's identity had been a source of fear and shame for most of his life. He had developed a rugged life-style and a rough exterior to mask the hurt from family and society that had been accumulated over a lifetime. After all, fishermen were definitely in the lower echelons of society when compared to Pharisees and priests and politicians. Over the past three years Peter had been amazed and had at times even become a bit heady as he was identified with Jesus who seemed completely unfazed by the oppressive class system pervasive in society. He watched as Jesus went head on head against the brightest minds in the country and never failed to have an answer that baffled or enraged them. He always seemed to know just what to say no matter how difficult the question was or how crafty his enemies were. This was potential for quite a head-trip for a low-class fisherman.

But now Jesus reminded Peter of where his real perception of his own identity really lay. “Son of John” directly linked Peter to all the failures and problems passed on to him by his Dad. But it was an important part of the healing process that Jesus could not pass by. Jesus wanted Peter to realize that his true identity did not lie in the failures and propensities passed on to him through his father, but that his real identity and value could only be discovered in the presence of the One who had designed him originally and had created him to be something and someone he had never dreamed of becoming.

Peter was now introduced to his future. Jesus lifted from his heart all the pain and humiliation and shame and filled him with true humility and a deep resonating sense of gratitude and overflowing love. His fears were melted away once again by the forgiveness and compassion of this amazing God who never failed to surprise him with the extravagance of His love and passion. If this was what God is really like, then Peter was willing to let Him have full control of his life from this point forward.

Peter's Recovery - scene 3 (click here for scene 4)

“None of the disciples ventured to question Him, 'Who are You?' knowing that it was the Lord.” (John 21:12) This is an amazing statement. Why would the question even arise in anyone's mind after Jesus had revealed Himself to them in person more than once? But it is clear that there was some sort of split of belief in their minds. Their left brain was still stuck with patches of disbelief and incredulity to accept the obvious but seemingly impossible. Their hearts could see the Truth standing right there with them, but their logical minds simply did not have the capacity to compute and integrate what they were experiencing..

But Jesus does not address this issue in the slightest. He does not try to disabuse them of their doubts or even chide them for the typical unbelief as He had done on previous occasions. At this point He simply fellowships with them, shares food, warmth and the beauty of another glorious sunrise over the lake. They listen to the waves lapping against the shore and finally some of them gather and began to count the fish. Usually they counted and sorted, but this time there was nothing to sort out. Every fish was a perfect specimen of a champion catch. They carefully documented that they had brought in 153 large fish. This would go down in the history books for sure. But now they began realizing that maybe the history of fishing was not the important point here anymore. Rapidly their priorities were being challenged and there was a lot of internal rearranging going on.

Peter, especially, is still trying to wrap his mind around what is going on here. His heart is a roiling cauldron of raw emotions, like shame soup that he can't climb out of. But at the same time he feels a powerful sense of attraction and an unexplainable sense of hope growing inside. He is confused, conflicting emotions struggling for control, but at the same time he is beginning to experience that peace only found in the presence of Jesus that he had been so desperate for the past few days. Now he realized that this peace was essential to life, not just a nice idea to enjoy once in a while. He realized finally that this was one of the deepest cravings of his heart; peace that extended all the way to the mystical depths of his being.

“Jesus comes and takes the bread and gives it to them, and the fish likewise.” (John 21:13) Once again, the writer of this story, John, makes a very noticeable effort to remind us that this story is strongly linked to nearly all the events of their previous lives together. The very wording of this phrase takes one immediately back to the event they had experienced just a few days earlier in the upper room together when Jesus had warned them of what they were about to do in forsaking Him.

“While they were eating, Jesus took some bread, and after a blessing, He broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, 'Take, eat; this is My body.' And when He had taken a cup and given thanks, He gave it to them, saying, 'Drink from it, all of you; for this is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for forgiveness of sins. But I say to you, I will not drink of this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it new with you in My Father's kingdom.'” (Matthew 26:26-29 NAS95)

Now, here by the lake with a small group of his closest friends, Jesus gets as close to repeating that previous special meal they had had together as He could. And while He kept His promise that He would never again drink the juice until they were together in His Father's kingdom, he could still break bread with them and share some “large” fish steaks.

At this point Jesus had assembled all the elements of Peter's life together in one simple scene, both past and present. All of their senses were filled with the sounds, sights and smells of fishing. There was the boat, the net and the smell of fish. They could hear the lapping of the water against the sides of the nearby boat and on the shore. The warming morning breeze wafted in the rich smells of the outdoors that they so much loved, and even the BO from the odd assortment of seven men who had just wrestled a very large load of fish ashore from 100 yards out in the water. These all represented the occupation and passion that had dominated most of Peter's life until now.

There was also assembled some of the reminders of his infamous night of shame and horror. There was the charcoal fire, now burning down to some glowing embers in the morning sun. There was the face of Jesus nearby that had so recently been beaten and slapped and spit on. Peter could never erase that moment from his mind as long as he lived. Just when he had denied knowing Jesus for the third time with violent fisherman-style profanities, his eyes had been drawn upward to see Jesus in the balcony looking at him with eyes of deepest compassion and sorrow but unfailing love Just at that moment Peter saw a coarse hand raised to violently slap that loving face of his dearest friend that he had just denied and his heart was shattered into a million tiny pieces and he crashed through the courtyard gate and flung himself to the ground in the garden they had just recently left. He had never cried like that since he had been born. But then, he had never know such strange love that refused to condemn him or let go of its passionate pursuit of his heart.

And besides these other reminders, there was also John, his old fishing buddy who had enjoyed all the years with Jesus together in close intimacy with Jesus. He and John had been the only ones who had ventured into the courtyard on that fateful night; the other disciples had all split for parts unknown. But their parts had played out quite differently that night. While John's heart was full of pain about what was happening to his dearest friend, he just found he had to be as close as possible through every minute of this horrible trauma. He had been a first-hand witness to Peter's most public spectacle of colorful denial, but instead of feeling angry he seemed a little baffled as to what was going on inside Peter to cause him to do such a thing. Nevertheless, now by the lakeside, Peter saw his friend John as a potential damaging witness against him if there was a confrontation about what had happened.

But Jesus takes all these reminders of Peter's failure and and weaves them together with the colors of the rising sun, the sounds of the lapping waves and the smell of the nearby fish and turns the whole event into something of a communion service again. He offers them the bread along with His own broken body for their healing and restoration – an open invitation for Peter to exchange his shame for the passion of Jesus love and value for him.

But there were also reminders of so many of the good times with Jesus around them as well. Here they were again eating bread and fish, miraculously provided by Jesus for the third time in their lives together. He couldn't help remembering the sudden change in emotions they had all experienced when their concern and fears about how to deal with thousands of very hungry people turned to amazement and delight as they were designated to participate in dispensing the extravagant generosity of God. Jesus had given them that job to remind them that though they were thinking small even in their large estimation of how much money it would take to feed all those people, Jesus was always thinking of something much bigger and more thrilling than their imagination could ever come up with. And the second time it happened they were even more amazed, for Jesus performed the same miracle again, only this time is was for a crowd made up largely of people who were not Jews, not of God's chosen people. This baffled the disciples and challenged their very restrictive God mentality they had grown up with as Jews.

Both of these miracles had been instances where Jesus had brought satisfaction for people's immediate needs. Peter and the others however, had misinterpreted these incidents as opportunities to force Jesus to become their earthly king. They had been influenced by the spirit of Judas and his suggestions. Ah, Judas! That was another very regretful memory for all of them. They had spent far too much time admiring Judas' obvious skills and public poise, believing that his worldly expertise would be a powerful asset to this disparate group of men following Jesus. Judas always had such good-sounding advice and they were often baffled as to why Jesus almost never seemed impressed. It had been a constant source of confusion for them. And it was not until the very last night when Judas' true colors were exposed that they realized that they had been very misled in their estimation of Judas and all his education and political expertise. They then begin to realize that it was not skill or education or influence that was important but it was the condition of one's spirit that made all the difference when the crisis came.

Another reminder of the events of their past life with Jesus was the miracle of filling Peter's net full of fish while at the same time preserving the net from breaking. This reminded Peter of the very first time Jesus had called him to come join his life with Jesus and enjoy companionship with Him. He began to recall that day several years ago that now seemed like so much longer. Jesus had first blessed Peter with an amazing catch of fish and then promptly called him away from that whole life of fishing to do something he had no idea or experience how to do. But the adventure and the thrill of something deep within him had responded to Jesus' invitation and he had taken the risk. And what a trip it had turned out to be!

If Peter was now beginning to piece all of these familiar memories together, he might have begun to have an inkling of what might be coming next – another call aimed straight at his heart. Even in the invitation to breakfast the words reminded Peter of the past.

“Come” – a direct reminder of His invitation to everyone with heavy hearts and burdens of shame to come to Jesus and experience relief and true rest.

“Have breakfast. Fellowship with Me. I want you to be with me, to be full-fledged friends again. I miss you. I want to connect to your heart again.”

Peter's Recovery - scene 2 (click here for scene 3)

It is very early in the darkness of the morning. The lake is nearly as quiet and still as the depression that has gripped Peter's soul for the past few days. At the beginning of this fishing trip Peter had planned to through himself into his old occupation with gusto and re-establish himself in his old business. Even though he was not terribly thrilled to have so many other guys along in the boat, four of whom were not even fishermen, secretly he was glad they had insisted on coming. There had not been a lot of easy conversation through the long night however like they used to do in the old days. Peter's mind would not leave him a minute of peace. Scenes and emotions from the past week or two were constantly flashing up in his memory, torturing his conscience and reigniting his deep pangs of shame and remorse. He could not bring himself to talk about it to the others, but they could see clearly the intensity of the inner turmoil he was suffering and quietly they worked alongside him while inwardly praying for him. They simply were there for him, following his simple instructions when it was time to move the nets or paddle to a new location.

Peter now found himself with new frustrations on top of all the inner turmoil from the recent events. His original plan was to attempt to reduce his intense feelings of worthlessness by showing how well he at least could catch fish. But his plan was becoming a miserable failure. Hour after hour, try after try, throw after throw, spot after spot all through the night Peter was not able to snare even one lousy little fish. Something was terribly wrong. Even the worst fishermen on the lake could not have that bad of luck; and he used to be considered one of the champions. What was going on here? Maybe he had invoked a curse on himself when he denied Jesus the other night. Maybe he would never again be successful at anything. Maybe God had forsaken him after all. Fear began to be added to his shame and remorse. He could almost hear the demons taunting him, laughing at him, ridiculing the one who used to exercise the authority of heaven to cast them out of others. “What else can go wrong. I have failed so miserably as a loyal disciple of the most humble, caring person ever to walk the earth and now I am a complete failure at fishing too,” he mused to himself.

As his emotions swirled around like a confusing storm inside him he remembered some of the better times he had known when he was still in favor with Jesus and his friends who followed Him. He recalled to mind how Jesus had reacted always with kindness, tenderness and sympathy even when everyone else thought the circumstances called for judgment or stringent measures. He begin the remember the strange feelings of affection that had stirred within him as he had watched Jesus' interactions with so many people, even though he had usually kept them buried inside. His best friend John had been much more open about his growing affection and passion for Jesus and Jesus had developed a special bond between them in response. And even though Peter had been much more rough and rowdy and coarse at times, he had always been treated with respect and compassion, even when Jesus had to rebuke him which was not infrequent.

As these memories began to seep into Peter's confused mind through the long, intensely painful night, a deep hunger began to emerge from deep within his heart that he could not suppress. An intensity of desire to be once more in Jesus' presence without this torture of regret began to grip him. Oh how he longed to once more be able to just relax, hang out with Jesus and experience that strange attraction that Jesus exerted. If that could ever be, he would try to respond differently this time. He would quite resisting so hard the immense love that was felt in Jesus' presence and would not think so much of what others thought about him. This mysterious and haunting feeling continued to intensify until it was nearly impossible to hold back the tears. Peter was not what people would call emotional, at least not in the crying sense. Anger we was very familiar with. But these emotions were almost foreign to him. But he could not escape their pervasive presence that became even more intense than the remorse and shame that he had been overwhelmed with.

Catching absolutely no fish was like the ultimate humiliation for Peter. But at the same time within Peter's heart he felt his desire for Jesus like a powerful, irresistible magnet drawing him inexorably toward something which he could not yet understand. Never before did Peter feel so desperate just to be with Him. But the shame was till there. He now was beginning to appreciate just how Mary of Magdela must have felt. He remembered how she just couldn't stay away from Jesus and seemed to never be able to get enough of Him. She was not nearly so interested in getting answers from him like so many others, but her constant desire was just to be near Him and enjoy His presence. Peter now realized that was now what he missed the most too – that feeling of wholeness, of safety, of acceptance and peace that seemed so unexplainable yet so real whenever he was with Jesus. That was what this hunger was all about.

Suddenly, in the pre-dawn silence he heard a voice drifting across the crisp, cool air and the quiet water reflecting the early morning sunrise. Evidently someone was out on the shore at this unusual hour and had spotted the boat full of men out on the lake. The question was worded a bit strange, though and reminded Peter of this most recent humiliation. “Children, you do not have any fish, do you?” It was almost like this stranger could read his mind; like he expected them to not have in fish. Peter's first impulse was a spark of resentment. But then to add fuel to the fire the land-lubber yelled at them to switch the nets to the other side of the boat and claimed that they would catch fish.

Peter considered himself to be a professional. He had been fishing since he could remember and he knew everything there was to know about fishing. And besides, if there were fish in the water they should just as easily get into the net whichever side of the boat the net was on. The way the boat was arranged, built and loaded it was much more convenient for the men working to always through the nets out on the left side. So what difference would it make to clumsily through the nets on the other, more inconvenient side? But on the other hand, there was nothing to lose either. After all, you couldn't catch any less fish doing that than they had already caught. So Peter swallowed his pride and gave instructions for the others to give this idea a shot.

The net had hardly hit the surface of the shimmering lake when it seemed all hell broke loose. Suddenly the water was alive with thrashing, extraordinary large fish seemingly eager to throw themselves into the net. It seemed almost bizarre but it was really happening. Instantly all the men on board were scrambling to secure the net and quickly pull it into the boat. But that too, proved impossible as the net contained far more fish than it had ever been designed to hold. In the ensuing pandemonium Peter heard his best friend John say something that went through his body like an electric shock and broke all concentration on his excitement about the fish. John simply leaned over and quietly said, “It is the Lord”.

This was too much for Peter. His intensity of emotions that had been building all through the long dark night came sharply into focus and he did the only thing there was to do. Grabbing a garment to cover himself he literally threw himself into the water and made for shore to find the one that his heart was so desperately craving. He had come to the place where he realized that there was only one reason for life and one place to find value, and it wasn't in fishing. All of his life narrowed down to just doing one thing now – he had to get to Jesus one more time even if it killed him. And it nearly could have since it is thought that fishermen of that day usually didn't know how to swim.

His friends felt a surge of joy when Peter hit the water. They sensed that he was now following the passion of his heart – and the passion of their hearts. This is what they had been praying for all night. They did not know how God would do it, but they believed that somehow God would reach Peter's heart if they continued to pray and to care for him and stay with him through his pain. They had no complaints that the most experienced fishermen and their leader had abandoned them to take in the biggest catch on the lake alone. But at the same time they were overwhelmed beyond their capacity and skill, struggling to keep the boat stable while attempting to drag the net full of fish toward the shore.

“But the other disciples came in the little boat, for they were not far from the land, but about one hundred yards away, dragging the net full of fish. So when they got out on the land, they see a charcoal fire already laid and fish placed on it, and bread. Jesus says to them, 'Bring some of the fish which you have now caught.' Simon Peter went up and drew the net to land, full of large fish, a hundred and fifty-three; and although there were so many, the net was not torn. Jesus says to them, 'Come and have breakfast.' (John 21:8-12 NAS95)

This seemed to be a clear answer to questions that had just arisen in Peter's mind. When he first realized that it was Jesus who had supplied all these fish, he was tempted to wonder if maybe God was blessing his plans to simply be a financial support to the ministry of the other disciples. Maybe God was affirming Peter's plans by reminding him to rely on God to catch fish instead of doing it alone. The excitement was building as he rushed up to the shore after leaping out of the boat. Peter wants to thank Jesus for helping him catch fish. Yes, that was a wonderful arrangement. Jesus would endow Peter with a supernatural gift for fishing that would enable him to sponsor and support all the needs of the other disciples while not putting Peter into the dubious position of being trusted with much responsibility. But the closer he gets to Jesus on the shore the more confused and ashamed he feels again. That is, until Jesus reminds him of the obvious. Peter had completely forgotten to help with the net – a most unusual occurrence since he was always the one leading out and shouting orders to everyone else anytime they had been fishing.

But the others really knew now that Peter was definitely in a world of hurt. They had never before seen him so quiet and seeming almost helpless and pitiful. They had compassion for him, were supportive of him and were staying with him. And finally they were able to point him to Jesus who only could address his profound pain and deep shame. They worked the net and the boat while watching Peter from a distance, giving knowing glances and smiles of relief to each other as they took over Peter's job in the boat. They were willing to do anything to allow him the time and freedom to run, swim, whatever it took to get to Jesus so Jesus could do what He does best.

When Peter first hit the shore after throwing himself out of the boat, he wasn't sure what to do with himself. He had overwhelming but contradictory emotions that were clashing like titans inside him, some of them pushing, even compelling him to run to Jesus but others pounding him with shame and hopelessness making him want to shrink back forever. So when he turned and saw that he had abandoned his friends to struggling with the net of fish alone it gave him an emotional time of reprieve to have something to do while he tried to figure out how to relate to this situation.

He was the strongest of the men and the most experienced. They obviously needed his help and there was great danger that the nets would tear apart at any moment and lose this amazing catch. Then no one would ever believe them and it would go down as a classic unsubstantiated fish tale around the lake. The men all worked together as a team as they each strained and pulled on the sides of the net. Peter noticed by now that nothing was normal anymore. Any other day, any other catch and the net would have been in shambles by now. And these fish! He had hardly ever seen fish this large, and when he had there were few and far between. But here was a whole net full of nothing but record-breaking size fish being held apparently supernaturally in a net never intended for such abuse. As they secured the net and the boat at the shore, Jesus invited them to bring some of their catch and add it to the fish and bread He already had placed on a charcoal fire.

Again, Peter experienced shock waves of intense emotion. The site of a charcoal fire with the warm glow of flames on a cold morning instantly brought back waves of shame and humiliation. It was unavoidable to ignore the reminder of what had happened just a few days ago at nearly the same time of day when he was warming himself before a charcoal fire not unlike this one. He had blurted out his most infamous words of profanity denying all connection with Jesus. The scene had replayed itself over and over in his imagination since that night, and now, just when he thought he might be freed from the horror of it all he was confronted with these blatant reminders of his colossal failure under fire. He had gone fishing to try to escape all the reminders of his betrayal, the very cause of his deepest shame. Why now does Jesus have to have a charcoal fire that looks so much like the scene of his greatest infamy? Why not just a fire of twigs and wood or something else?

But Jesus has a way of gently but firmly going to the core of our pain and our issues to remove the lie embedded there and replace it with truth about ourselves and about Him. For Peter He redeemed that fire that had nearly become in his mind a scene of demonic flames reaching out to consume Peter. Jesus redeemed the fire by restoring it back to it's original function and place – a means of warming bodies that are cold and heating food for fellowship. For remember, jumping into semi-deep water with his outer garment thrown over him at this time of morning had left Peter shivering in the cold lakeside air with no dry garment to keep him warm. So Jesus drew him in close to once again warm himself by the flames of a charcoal fire. Only this time Peter was much colder externally that the previous time. But the more important difference was that this time His Master was not on trial before wicked men being slapped and taunted by his enemies and being denied and forsaken by his closest friends. This time Jesus was keeping very close to Peter, encouraging him to relax and enjoy the fire while they all fellowshipped around breakfast provided entirely by the grace of God.

There were other reminders here too. It was not lost on the disciples the vivid reminders of the miracles of the loaves and fishes that Jesus had performed twice to feed the multitudes. They had personally been solicited by Him to be the chief distributors of these miracles as a strong incentive for them to realize God's overwhelming generosity toward all men. There were so many lessons in this short time around the fire that they talked about it and pondered it for years to come.

But one very important symbol in this event was not lost on Peter. He had launched out on this trip originally to get away from his place as disciple to return to his old life of fishing. Now Jesus asked Peter to bring the fish that he had just caught (completely by the miraculous intervention of Jesus) and place them on the fire. It was very much like the sacrifices of the temple they were so familiar with where they brought a lamb as a sacrifice to be offered to God on the fire of the altar. Jesus was inviting Peter to reconsider his decision to run away. He now was asking Peter to sacrifice his past life, indeed his whole identity, in immersion into the newly awakening passion of total devotion to Jesus and His plans for Peter's life. He invites Peter to bring his very livelihood and put it on the fire of his betrayal as a sacrifice to Jesus. Now, in place of running away from the reminders of shame, Jesus helps Peter face them head-on in the secure presence of Jesus who's value for him releases the stranglehold of shame and replaces his attempts to create value for himself.

Peter's Recovery - scene 1 (click here for next scene)

Peter said, “I'm going fishing.” (John 21:3) The other six disciples with him looked at each other and realized what was happening. Peter was a strong-willed person who was now struggling with deepest depression. He was still stinging with shame from his public denial of Jesus and felt he was no longer worthy to be a disciple like the others. He was brooding and unusually quiet. Yes, Jesus had appeared personally to him alone and had forgiven him, but Peter was still struggling to believe it and feel it. How could God forgive such a terrible crime? He had taken the side of the enemy and had run a knife right into Jesus' heart when He was most vulnerable. His left brain, his mind, had heard Jesus' assurances and had seen Him in person but his right brain, his emotions, were still buried under his life-long lies about what God is like and how He relates to sinners.

It is interesting and important why the Bible specifically names some of the other disciples who were with Peter and the order they were listed. Thomas was listed first. Thomas right now was the most intense believer and worshiper of Jesus. He too had struggled with being stuck in clinging to unbelief, but Jesus' gentleness and kindness in His confrontation with Thomas earlier had completely captured his heart and affections and had catapulted him beyond all the others to be the first to call Jesus his own God. Thomas recognized similarities from his own experience now being played out in Peter's heart Peter wanted to just leave these men who's very presence constantly reminded him that he was a complete failure and worthless to the cause of the Messiah. Peter decided that a return to his old life's occupation might help him suppress the overwhelming pain in his heart so he announced he was leaving. He did not ask anyone to come with him. He was sure he knew what they were really thinking about him contrary to what they may be saying. He was really a traitor, a turncoat, a coward, a worthless good-for-nothing who had committed an act of high treason while in the highest position of privilege close to Jesus. He had been entrusted with the same position on earth as Lucifer had enjoyed in heaven; and like Lucifer, he had abused his privilege. He had caved in to fear because he had failed to obey Jesus' urgent pleas with him in the garden to stay awake and pray with Him.

Guilt and shame were constantly suffocating him and he just couldn't escape Yes, Jesus' personal visit with him had revived enough hope in him that he decided not to commit suicide like Judas, but he still could not escape the overwhelming shame he felt inside. He felt that his only hope for relief was to get away from all the people and places that continually reminded him of his cowardice and go do the last activity that he could remember that gave him a sense of value.

He was a fisherman, and a damn good one at that! He would find solace and relief in doing something he was good at and prove to the world again that he still had a little value left. He would catch fish again and maybe even help support the others financially while they carried on whatever mission Jesus had for them to do. That would be his contribution; he could stay at home, out of the public view where his shame would not be exposed and work to support his family and the ministry of the other disciples. Then hopefully time would do its work and the shame and guilt would slowly recede and someday, in the distant future, he could feel somewhat normal again.

Thomas probably could pick up on this thinking more astutely than anyone else. He had just gone through something similar himself but had had his plans to withdraw interrupted by the burning passion of his own heart drawn out by the most unexpected treatment by Jesus. Thomas knew that Peter could not run away from fellowship to find the answer to his pain. Thomas had just had his own wounded heart wonderfully restored and he now deeply cared for Peter's heart and was watching carefully to see how to reach it. Thomas wanted to share the healing, comfort, joy and new assurance that he now enjoyed with Peter, but Peter couldn't accept it just yet. Peter insisted that his own sin was so much worse than the others that Thomas' restoration and healing was not possible for Peter. He was glad that Thomas was happy now, but this problem was too big – maybe even for God. After all, Lucifer could not be reinstated after he betrayed God in heaven, so why should Jesus, the Son of God, treat Peter any better.

The next disciple mentioned was Nathanael, the quiet one, who was always pondering things, analyzing and relating everything to how it fit into what he found in Scripture. He was always coming up with unusual ideas and insights that he was discovering in the Scriptures and was more and more excited that he was seeing the prophecies of the past being realized literally in front of his face. Nathanael was repeatedly suggesting to the others that they would do well to take more time to immerse themselves in the Word so they could understand together what was really happening around them, but they all felt they were too busy or too uneducated and unqualified to spend much time trying to understand prophetic writings. Yes, Nathanael had also forsaken Jesus with the others and experienced the resulting shame and guilt. But his mind was already filled with assurances of acceptance, forgiveness and a God who was always eager to restore intimacy with His children. Jesus' attitude and actions in the past few days had greatly amplified what Nathanael had learned about the true God in Scriptures and his faith and joy were being fed from an extensive root system grounded in the Word more than any of the other disciples.

It is also mentioned that Nathanael was from Cana. Nathanael had carefully observed every miracle and sign beginning with the water turned to wine in Cana – a symbol of Jesus' blood. The pieces were assembling very rapidly in Nathanael's mind and heart. He had accepted Jesus' challenge to him the very first time they had met to observe Him and see the heavens opened and see the angels going up and down on Himself. Now it was all making sense and his heart was now super-charged with emotions and a passion for God that he never had known before. He too, like Thomas, was keeping a careful watch on Peter and wanted to encourage and protect him from giving up altogether. He reminded Peter of the truth about what God was really like both from Scripture and from their own experiences with Jesus. But Peter was not in the habit of accepting advice from anyone, and though he appreciated their friendship he could not bring himself to believe in his heart their assurances of God's' unconditional love and acceptance of him.

The next two disciples mentioned were James and John. These were his closest friends. They too were very concerned for Peter and were doing everything they could think of to give him hope again. They had lived through a lot experiences together, not only with Jesus but even before then working together on the boats. But Peter was convinced that he was no longer worthy to be called a disciple. Like the prodigal son that Jesus had told about, he felt the best he could expect or hope for was to be a distant servant, out of public view, just possibly supporting the others as they found someone to take his place among the twelve.

But when Peter announced that he was going fishing, with no word of invitation to the others, the six other disciples there announced emphatically that they were going with him. There was no way they were going to let him get out of their sight. They cared to much for him to allow him to take off to the lake alone in the emotional condition he was in. So even though some of them had much less experience than the others, they all escorted him to the lake and all piled into the boat with Peter. They respected his expertise and looked to him for directions of what to do during the all-night excursion. Whatever was going to happen they decided that the most important thing right now was to be with him, whether he felt like talking or not. Just being with him even in this most unusual condition of silence would convey their care for him. And so the fishing began.

Why Banned from the Tree of Life?

Why is it that God doesn't want to heal someone who is in unbelief?

Why does God not bestow the gift of Holy Spirit power on any and everyone?

Why did God cut of access to the Tree of Life when Adam and Eve sinned?

I think the answers are embedded in the last question. The way our minds work is by punishment and reward, at least after sin twisted them. In fact, that principle itself might possibly be a legacy of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Because we ate and continue to eat from that tree and operate under its influence, God has to reach us in that state of mind. We believe that religion can only be successful if we use a mix of love and fear (good and evil). It seems ludicrous to think we could ever operate in a system of only good, positive, thriving, compassionate etc. environment completely devoid of all fear motivation. And yet this is precisely why God refused to stop the sin experiment of Satan; because He wants everyone to be completely free of all fear in their motives for serving and loving Him. If that's what He insists for the universe, why do we think it won't work here?

If God were to give us the things in the first questions above without any conditions, the way our mind operates would cause us to believe that our current beliefs (misconceptions about Him) are justified and we become more deeply entrenched in our lies about God. This is the underlying root that blocks God from giving us certain privileges. In effect, they would lead to immortalizing the very lies about Him in our minds that keep us away from Him to begin with. We cannot be given access to the immortality inherent in the Tree of Life until we have released and renounced our false ideas about who God is and what He is like. We can't receive infilling of the third person of the God-head while we believe and promote lies about that same God.

God's promises are not yea and nay but YES in the Holy Spirit. (2 Cor. 1:19,20)

There is no fear in love, for fear involves foreboding in anticipation of punishment (1 Jn 4:18)