Memorial Memories and Musings

It is Memorial Day here and I am at home where my parents lived out their last 30 years. I helped build part of this house back when I was 18 and just graduated from academy (high school). I spent the summer working on improvements to the little cottage that was the nucleus for the rest of the much larger house. I then framed up the first story after the basement was poured by contractors. At that time I had absolutely no experience in carpentry and the results are now obvious to an experienced eye. But the house is still standing and has now become our own home.

It was at this very time three years ago that we were shocked by the sudden death of my step mom in a tragic car accident on her 32^nd wedding anniversary. My dad was living in a nearby nursing home and that left no one to look after the house or the thirty some odd cats depending on her daily feedings or to visit him. My sister and I rushed down here upon receiving the news of the accident and visited her in the hospital an hour before she died. The following days and weeks were times of trauma, amazement and self-discovery in ways that I would not necessarily care to repeat.

We ended up moving here, doing some much-needed remodeling on the house and shortly after bringing dad home from the nursing home to care for him the rest of his days. His death last year was much more expected and less traumatic with the surrounding circumstances somewhat documented in various posts on this site. Since that time we have really been wondering what God has for us here. It was unavoidably clear that we were supposed to move here but other than caring for dad and being forced to face some deep roots of faults within myself, we are still feeling baffled as to what we are “supposed” to be doing.

Why am I saying this all now? Well, I'm not even sure of that except that this weekend reminded me of these events. It is not a time of grief or painful reminders of bad memories as it is for some people in their lives. I am fully at peace with those events. Sometimes I wistfully wish that dad and mom could see the changes we have made on the house. I know they would have been very excited and thrilled about many of them, though it would have been an almost unendurable stress for them to live through the construction process. Sometimes I can almost hear their exclamations when they would see the addition I added onto the front of the house dramatically expanding the living room to a comfortable and spacious place to share life with more people. But that is never going to happen and I have to pull my mind away from such reveries and wonder why this is here.

I continue to feel that there is some reason, some divine destiny for this house that is yet unrevealed. My dad had the same feeling for many years himself which is why he designed the house with 8 bedrooms. The only time that I know of when all the bedrooms were utilized ironically was at the time of my mom's funeral. But I know that was not the purpose for which this place was designed as it was. My dad, and now we, have believed for a long time that God has some kind of “ministry” in mind for this house. I am not even completely sure that we are the ones who would be involved though I certainly wish to be. I do not want my negligence in some way to cause me to default on God's plans for this place and see its fulfillment come about through someone else without us. But I still seem to be stymied as to what is supposed to happen.

That is not to say that we have not had our own ideas of what this place was to be. But even that has created its own problems at times, at least within myself. When we first moved here I was very eager to share many of the things we had been learning about spiritual and emotional healing with people we knew around here but soon felt the chill of suspicion and disinterest withering away our enthusiasm. Worst of all I began to see that my own inherited spirit of criticism and bitterness was a slow poison that worked to discredit the very ideas and concepts that I so wanted to share. They had been instruments to begin a healing process in my own life, but my transformation was not progressed enough to undo the harmful effects of years of deep-rooted habits of thinking and feeling that still plague me yet today.

These habits and attitudes that affect all of my relationships were largely formed in me while I was growing up among some of the very same people I now face on my return to this area. This has created a situation that magnifies these fault-lines within me as I react to familiar triggers that activate old self-defeating patterns of belief and self-perception. I know this is the kind of thing God does to get us to face ourselves so we can realize what we need for Him to do inside of us. The really frustrating part is that it is taking so very much longer than what I had hoped it would take. I feel like my spiritual progress at times could easily be outstripped in speed by the slugs I used to watch crawling around in our backyard when I was growing up nearby.

I want to grow up more and make some progress in my life – at least part of me does. But another part of me has been evidently quite effective in hiding critical areas of my thinking from my consciousness and preserving some of my faults from exposure to the light of God's healing. These faults are very operative from their hiding places but not easily dealt with, at least with the methods and means I have been trying so far. Sometimes I get a good view of part of them and ask God to deal with them. They are slowly starting to be exposed but it feels sort of like splinters that very slowly work their way to the surface of the skin while causing a great deal of discomfort while I wait for them to come within reach.

Maybe this is coming to my mind partly because of the present attention I am giving to the beginning of Romans. I know that when one exposes himself to the Word of God he will have something happen that will much less likely happen otherwise. As I plunged into chapter two yesterday I came under such heavy conviction of my own areas of hypocrisy that I could not even bring myself to write anything. Sometimes writing really can be an avoidance for heart work – not always though. There are times when writing is a most effective tool to get into my heart. But there are other times when my heart needs more time to ponder and soak and receive what is coming in without the distraction of trying to explain what is happening when the experience itself is not yet matured. That is how I felt yesterday and still do to some extent. The revelations I am receiving in this chapter are so strong and so connected to the previous chapter that they are unnerving but very needed.

At the same time, due to my less than nimble memory, I need to at least take notes for future reference so I can capture many of the insights that I am finding in this area of the passage. I am always struggling with finding the balance between sharing what I am learning while still in process or waiting until the pieces make more sense and then sharing it. So far I have tended toward the immediate sharing which makes things a bit more messy but maybe much more personal. It is quite opposite to the standard educational model promoted today, but so far it seems to me to be my attempt to live from my heart in real time (or at least closer to real time).

Just as Guilty - Romans 2

I may not get beyond this area of Romans for some time, but that's just fine. Its not like I am requiring anyone to stay here with me; I am simply recording what I am discovering each day so that I, or anyone else who cares to, can go back and review it.

This morning my eyes fell on two phrases that jumped out at me that I hadn't noticed before. “Everyone of you”, and “in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself.” (2:1)

The first phrase is a very airtight statement leaving no one at all any wriggle room to excuse their criticism of others. And believe me, I have heard, as well as participated in, a wide array of these excuses. I'm sure you have heard some of these and could add to them as well – “speaking the truth”, “standing up for what is right”, “calling sin by its right name”, “fruit inspecting” etc. There is always enough of an element of truth wrapped into these explanations to supposedly vindicate our judging of others. But in this passage I cannot find Paul giving any latitude whatsoever to any of these excuses. He states categorically that “everyone of you who passes judgment... condemns yourself.”

Then ensues a long argument over the supposed difference between judging, condemning, criticism etc. and how what I am doing is right while what you are doing to expose me is wrong. I believe that for the honest in heart who want to live in God's love and reflect His nature, the discussion yesterday about the difference between the original words used in this passage will be very helpful. For those who are more interested in defending their position at all costs the insights there are probably worse than useless.

The second phrase that presented itself to me today would be also helped if I knew the original language and context better. But lacking that and trusting in the Spirit to guide me in spite of my handicaps, I am going to muse over this passage and see what I can perceive myself.

It seems to me that this could read more than one way with different but not necessarily conflicting meanings. The first way, and the way it is worded in this translation, implies that you are doing the very same things that you condemn others for doing. This is even elaborated and emphasized in the rest of the verse and the next verse as well. It is clearly at least part of what Paul was trying to convey, but I am not sure that excludes the other optional reading of this.

The other, maybe more subtle message that could be found here, is that in the very act of judging others you are condemning yourself. In this case the focus would not so much be on the similarity of your sins with those you are criticizing but the guilt lies in the spirit of condemnation indulged in by the accuser. I think it would be safe to conclude that both of these concepts can be found and applied personally from this passage.

Another thought came to me as I was forced to face the recurring objection that always arises in the back of my mind whenever I read or hear this. How can it be that, for instance, if I indulge in “judging” a homosexual for his sin that Paul (and God by implication) can rightfully assert that I am guilty of the very same sin? The passage leading up to this text certainly has been frequently used and abused to do that very thing. So how can Paul assert that anyone who judges homosexuals or even other types of sinners listed previously has implicated themselves as doing the very same things?

The thought that presented itself to me was that I need to discern between roots and fruits. This insight was made easier because of the extended time I have taken to immerse myself in chapter 1 over the past few days and weeks so that I have become much more familiar and comfortable with it. I have begun to see that the real “sins” that Paul is referring to are not necessarily the fruits of sin listed near the end of chapter 1 but the continuous rejections of God and revelations about Him repeatedly mentioned in the text.

That being the case, it becomes much easier to see how everyone who passes judgment is always guilty of the very same sins. The results of those sins may or may not look quite different between the accuser and his target, but the root cause – a distorted picture of what God is like and how He relates to us – will be found to be identical. That is the message that for me is really beginning to emerge as I take the time to sift through this section of Romans to see what God has to reveal to me about Himself.

I believe that may really be the main point of Romans 1. God is in the business of revealing Himself and sinners are in the opposite business of suppressing the truth (1:18). We can fall into the trap of suppressing the truth far easier by masking it under the guise of judging “open sin” more than any other way. Religion has for centuries refined this to a high art and claims to represent God while in fact presenting a very sick, perverted picture of Him that has turned millions away from God in disgust and rage. Religious people have done far more to destroy God's reputation than “open sinners” could ever possibly do.

So how does this apply to me personally? I need to not only be aware of when I am tempted to criticize others and judge them, but I need to understand the reason behind that temptation and expose the root lies hiding inside me to the sterilizing light of truth. I need to review the previous passages to remind myself of the root causes that lie behind the sins that become so abhorrent and destructive when they come to full fruit. How can I avoid the hypocrite trap and stay in right relationship with my Creator?

I need to understand and embrace the truth about God and about Jesus in the real truth of the gospel. I need to do this even more with my heart than with my head (1:1-4). I need to experience the obedience of faith – for His name's sake (5). I want to know experientially what it means for me to be “the called of Jesus Christ”, “beloved of God” and called as a saint (6,7).

As I realize this experience more fully I may find to my surprise that my faith too, may be found to be “proclaimed throughout the whole world” (8) (Not really that difficult with today's technologies). I have the privilege of serving God in my spirit in the gospel (the good news about God) of His Son and enter into the power of praying for others and connecting my hearts with theirs. I can be encouraged together with them, “each of us by the other's faith” (9-12).

As I am more filled with the passion of God to save sinners from deception and the destructive effects of sin, I will feel more and more a sense of obligation to share the good news of the truth about God with everyone I meet, even when they are unlovable or hostile or hateful. I will see them more with the eyes of heaven. I will not be ashamed any longer of the gospel, for I will be living in its power to save, salvage and restore me to the likeness of the Almighty God of the universe. I shall see true righteousness revealed – God's righteousness – and will know what it means to “live by faith” (13-17).

In addition, I can note things to avoid to stay out of deception and live in the truth of God. I will not want to suppress the truth but will live enjoying continuously increasing revelations of truth. I will pay attention to what is revealed about God in His creation and what is evident even within myself (18-20). I will love to honor God and live in gratitude and praise under the protection of His covenant blessing for me. Instead of become darker, my heart – the core of my being that most craves satisfaction and love and being valued and cherished – will become ablaze with the fire, the light and the passion ignited by the very heart of God Himself (21-23). The lust of my heart will be to know God's heart most of all. I will know that the source for life and real satisfaction cannot be found in anything less than my Creator Who loves me beyond my wildest imagination (24,25).

The more fully I enter into this fulfilled existence connecting with God's heart, the more rich and fulfilling will be my intimacy in my own marriage and my heart connections with the family that God creates around me (26,27) As I choose to stay aware of and acknowledge God as my true source of real life and fulfillment, my mind will become clearer, more noble, wiser and more stable. The fruits of the Spirit will be naturally exhibited in my life and I will become an agent of hope and change in the lives of others who will be attracted to God through my example (28-32).

When I am living this kind of life, I will not surrender to the temptation to condemn others for their failures and sins for I will know that I am just as vulnerable as they to revealing the effects of evil in my life if I do not stay in the love and grace of God every moment (2:1-3). My only safety is in putting great weight in the “riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience” with me. My only hope is in “the kindness of God that leads me to repentance” (2:4).

“Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin; (Hebrews 12:2-4)

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The Hypocrite Trap

Today's study is definitely when I wish I had access to the insights that come with comprehensive knowledge of the original languages of the Bible and the nuances of how the words are used. It would at least be nice to have access to someone else who is in that position but alas, I do not. That does not mean that I cannot use the resources and intuition that I do have access to. And most importantly anyone has access to the original Author of this book if they are willing to ask and maintain a teachable spirit.

I am musing over Rom. 2:1-4 this morning and researching the Greek to see if a hunch I have might be reinforced there. So far all indications that I have found support what I suspected might be true, but I wish I had an unbiased expert in Greek to expound on it further and give me more insight.

Because of the truth about God that has been consistently emerging in my study and contemplation over the past few years, I believe that this passage bears out a contrast between the kind of “judging” that men do and the judging that God engages in. So I looked up the words translated “judge” or “condemn” in these verses and sure enough, it is a different word used for God's judgment vs. ours. The problem lies in that the definition given in Strong's often carries its own ambiguity and sometimes bias of the translators so it is not explicitly as plain as it could be. But the very fact that a different Greek word is used is a strong first clue that there should be an understood distinction between the two that is completely lost in the English translation.

Here is the definitions as found in Strong's. The first word “krino” is the Greek word used each time the text refers to man judging someone. The second word used when God does it is “krima”. There is a third word found in this text that is translated as “condemn” and it is also linked to the human version of this concept of judgment. It is the word “katakrino”.

Krino – properly, to distinguish, i.e. decide (mentally or judicially); by implication, to try, condemn, punish:--avenge, conclude, condemn, damn, decree, determine, esteem, judge, go to (sue at the) law, ordain, call in question, sentence to, think.

Katakrino – to judge against, i.e. sentence:--condemn, damn.

Krima – from (krino); a decision (the function or the effect, for or against ("crime")):--avenge, condemned, condemnation, damnation, + go to law, judgment.

Even with the possible translator's subjective, biased assumptions about God woven into the definitions I find the differences between the two somewhat revealing, primarily in what is not included in the word for God's judgment. It does not have the strong accusatory flavor that the word krino seems to carry. What I see here on the human side is a tendency to go well beyond just “distinction” but to “try, condemn, punish, avenge...,call in question” and even sentence. I believe that as a person more clearly perceives the truth about how God relates to sin and sinners they will realize that God's judgment, and relatedly His wrath, is fundamentally, and radically different than men's judgment and attitude toward offenders.

This difference feeds right back into the concept of the two different kinds of law – proscriptive law and descriptive law. Men's laws are generally always artificial and the attached punishments are arbitrary. God's laws are simply descriptive in nature of principles that are in place that define our existence and its parameters and the “punishments”, to use the term loosely, are really the natural consequences of violating those nature principles. That is why, I believe, the glaring absence of the accusatory elements found in the definition for man's judgment are not found in the word used for God's judgment. Because, as the Bible points out, “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, saith the Lord.” (Isa. 55:8) I also like that way this translation renders this most important insight, “for your anger does not produce God's righteousness.” (James 1:20 NRSV)

As I was pondering this and examining the context another strong clue emerged that I had not really noticed so much before. “Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?” (Romans 2:4 NAS95) I suddenly realized that this revelation of God is in direct contrast to the condemnation-type of judgment that humans tend to exercise toward each other described in the previous verses. Actually, it appears to me that kindness is really the diametric opposite of condemnation just like God's character is opposite to our sinful nature.

What I am beginning to see emerging here in my extended study of Romans 1 and 2 is a loving trap that Paul created to expose the sinfulness of the hearts of those who want to judge and condemn “wicked sinners”, especially in the name of God. Throughout the last half of chapter one he draws us into an apparent “tirade” against those who have fallen deeper and deeper into sin and draws out our prejudices and bigotry toward them into the open. Then in chapter two (remember there are no chapter or verse breaks originally in the letter) he switches the focus from “those terrible homosexual sinners” to the equally heinous sins of condemnation just exposed in our own heart and declares emphatically that we are just as guilty as the ones we are condemning. In fact, he drives it even deeper by declaring that we are guilty of the very same things that we accuse others of doing which seems to baffle us and cause us to scramble for some plausible rationalization to defuse this conviction aimed at us.

But if we try to wriggle out of the convictions that Paul presents to us here, then we will find ourself in the very negative position described in verse 4 with those who “think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance.”

What is my alternative? It is the inverse of this last description – to take very seriously and believe strongly in “His kindness and tolerance and patience” and experience the repentance that comes from such a belief. Contrary to popular religion and the thunderings of Bible-thumping preachers claiming to represent God, it is not threats and condemnations that lead sinners to repentance but it is the kindness of God. I want to fill my mind much more with the knowledge of this kindness and allow my heart to marinate in the glorious truth about God. I also want to become like Him so that others can be drawn into this experience of repentance and reconciliation as they see His kindness reflected from my heart.

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Romans 1 Inverted

As I take another close examination of the whole chapter of Romans 1, I am looking for an uncluttered description of what a saint looks like. This is not a saint in the typical thinking of the word but in the Bible's understanding of the word. A saint is not one who has achieved self-perfection and boring piety but is a person who is submersed in the grace of God and is responding to being called by God, drawn by His lovingkindness to abandon himself to the pursuit of God's heart.

There are two main sections of this chapter. The first talks about Paul the messenger and the Roman believers he is writing to and the second is his description of all sinners who are refusing and resisting this drawing of God. In this second section I am taking the inverse of the negative descriptions so that I can more clearly see what he is saying by implication. I find this technique very helpful sometimes to clarify in my mind some of the meanings that are often masked by the back and forth switches in language when alternate descriptions are being presented.

I am also separating the descriptions into two categories for simplification. The first is a description of the messenger of which Paul is an example and the second is an illustration of a person who would be responding to the grace and gospel of God. To separate the two I will use two colors of print to identify what is referring to each.

Description of the Messenger

A person who is a bond-servant of Christ Jesus, a love-slave living under the compulsion of a passionate response to God's love and grace.

Called as an apostle, one who has been “sent out”, who cannot be content to remain in their home base because of the inner compulsion of God's passion burning in their heart.

Set apart for the gospel of God; intentionally dedicated by God and His family members on earth to effectively share the good news about God with anyone who will listen.

One who has received grace and apostleship through Jesus Christ our Lord, to bring about the obedience of faith among all for His name's sake.

I thank my God through Jesus Christ for you who are believing in this gospel.

I unceasingly I make mention of you, always in my prayers.

I long to see you so that I may impart some spiritual gift to you, that you may be established and that I may be encouraged together with you while among you, each of us by the other's faith.

Often I have planned to come to you that I may obtain some fruit among you....

I am under obligation....

I am eager to preach the gospel.

I am not ashamed of the gospel.

Description of Those Accepting the Good News About God (Gospel)

They have the obedience of faith for Jesus' name's sake.

They are the called of Jesus Christ, all who are beloved of God called as saints.

Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Their faith is being proclaimed throughout the whole world.

THE RIGHTEOUS man SHALL LIVE BY FAITH.

This life “by faith” results in godliness and righteousness.

Through faith in response to God's faith in them they help God reveal the truth in righteousness.

That which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them – His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made.

They knew God, and they did honor Him as God and give thanks.

As they become more effective channels of God's wisdom their hearts grow stronger and more filled with light and the fire of God.

They humbly look to God for wisdom and become mature.

They embrace the glory of the incorruptible God as they see that glory reflected in various ways through His creation. They see some of the invisible attributes of God visibly reflected in man, in birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures.

God draws them closer to Himself in the passion of their hearts for purity. As a result their bodies become honorable among them.

They hold on to the truth of God and reject THE lie of Satan.

They worship and serve their Creator.

For this reason God fills them with His own uplifting passion of love.

As a result their women are fulfilled as they discover their natural function in the family.

Their men are also fulfilled by the natural function of the women and burn in their desire to honor and cherish their wives with greater and deeper acts of kindness and love.

In consequence they receive in their own persons the gifts of grace as they live in the truth.

They see fit to acknowledge God more and more.

As they grow in grace, love and maturity God imparts to them a noble, clear mind, to do those things which are proper, being filled with all righteousness, purity, nobility, generosity, goodness; full of thoughtfulness, life-giving energy, peace, truth, kindness; they are jealous for the truth, full of blessing, lovers of God, cooperative, humble and kind, quick to give affirmation to others, schemers of kind surprises, obedient to parents, with growing understanding, trustworthy, loving, merciful; and they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are considered worthy of eternal life, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them.

(ref Romans 1:1-32 NAS95)

What do you think? Is this a valid transposition of the original text?

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Revealing Opposites in Romans 1

Today I spent some time extracting what I see as parallel opposites that help explain each other in Romans 1 along with context explanations of words and phrases. I particularly was interested in exploring what the word “glory” might mean. These are all things taken directly from the text.

What is glory?

Descriptive of the incorruptible God.

Opposite of an image.

Images come in the form of corruptible man, birds, 4-legged creatures, reptiles.

(Man is the image of God, a reflector of His glory)

This is a movement from higher intelligence to lower and from higher physical position to the lowest.

An image causes lust in the heart to impurity. (Opposite of lust for purity)

Impurity causes dishonor of the body. (Opposite of honor for the reflected image)

Opposite of releasing them, giving them over. (Presumes a previous attachment)

Synonymous with the truth of God vs. the lie.

Opposite of worshiping and serving the created.

Worship and service of the Creator who is blessed forever.

Opposite of degrading passions. (Uplifting passions)

Natural function of the woman. (Listed “for woman” in reference to both women and men.)

Opposite of men burning with desire for other men. (Desire for women?)

Opposite of committing indecent acts with resulting penalties.

Acknowledgment of God.

Opposite of a depraved mind.

Opposite of doing things which are not proper.

Opposite of being filled with the following attributes:

unrighteousness

wickedness

greed

evil

envy

murder

strife

deceit

malice

gossip

slander

hating God

insolence

arrogance

boastfulness

inventing evil

disobedience of parents

without understanding

untrustworthy

unloving

unmerciful

More than just knowing the ordinance of God.

Opposite of giving hearty approval to those who practice these evils.

(More clues for glory going the opposite direction in the chapter starting at verse 22 backwards)

Knowing God AND honoring Him and giving thanks.

Opposite of becoming futile in speculations.

Opposite of foolish and darkened heart.

Opposite of professing to be wise and becoming fools.

Evidence within us of what is known about God.

Invisible attributes of God

His eternal power.

Divine nature.

These have been clearly seen – they are understood through what is made (creation).

Opposite of suppressed truth through unrighteousness.

Opposite of ungodliness.

The gospel.

The power of God for salvation.

Power to everyone who believes (in order of foreknowledge of Him)

God's righteousness.

God's faith that inspires man's faith that he can live by.

Contrasts in Romans 1:

Righteousness of God vs. wrath of God revealed.

Known evidence about God clearly seen and understood vs. futile speculations and suppression of the truth.

God is revealed vs. foolish darkened hearts.

Wise vs. fools.

Worship of higher Creator vs. worship of lower creatures.

Glory vs. image.

Incorruptible God vs. corruptible man, birds etc.

Honor for God vs. dishonor of their own bodies.

The truth of God vs. THE LIE.

Eager to preach the gospel vs. degrading passions and burning with lust.

Feeling under obligation to serve vs. committing indecent acts.

Truth vs. deceit.

Faith vs. lust.

Invisible attributes vs. image in (visible) forms.

Serving in the spirit of the gospel vs. professing to be wise

Longing to see you to impart some spiritual gift vs. lusts of the heart to impurity and burning with homosexual desires.

Evidence of God within them vs. darkened heart.

Obtaining fruit (for God) vs. exploiting others for lust.

Knowledge of God vs. foolish “wisdom”.

Thanking God (8) vs. not giving thanks (21)

Natural function of women vs. unnatural function in homosexual desires.

Salvation (restoration) vs. depraved mind.

Just living by faith vs. professing to be wise.

Encouraged together with you by each other's faith vs. practicing sins worthy of death and giving hearty approval to those who also practice them while knowing the ordinance of God.

Obedience of faith (5) vs. disobedience to parents.

Received grace and apostleship vs. receiving due penalty of their error.

(Obedience for) His name's sake vs. haters of God.

Unashamed of the gospel vs. committing indecent (shameful) acts.

Beloved of God vs. haters of God.

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