Getting ID on the Husbands

OK, it is finally starting to come together and make much more sense 3-4 days into the questions. I am now carefully looking at each reference to the “husband” in this chapter to get a positive ID on him. This is where some of my previous questions also fell into place to contribute to the solution.

Here is what is emerging with the guidance of the Holy Spirit this morning:

• the law has jurisdiction over a person as long as he lives – v.1 So whoever it is, the only way to become free is for him to die.

• the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband – v. 2 It is not the Law that dies or disappears, it is the husband that dies which triggers release from the demanding control of the Law.

• if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man – v.3 This is a very interesting issue that is not usually addressed. It is apparent that the “woman” can attempt to have intimate relations with the second man she is in love with before the first man is confirmed dead. That puts her under intense condemnation from the Law instead of freedom. This has very serious implications for us when we try to become intimate with Jesus without understanding or making sure that our first husband is dead, whoever that is.

• you also were made to die to the Law through the body of Christ – v.4 This is the previous question that now falls into place to unlock the baffling question I am grappling with of who is the husband. Ironically it appears that we were somehow married to Christ in some way in a very unhealthy relationship that caused us to resent Him and live in bitterness and rebellion toward God. This needs a lot of examining and unpacking yet, but it is clear in this phrase that the “husband” that has to die is somehow connected with the “body of Christ”.

• so that you might be joined to another, to Him who was raised from the dead – v.4 This gives positive ID to the One we are to have as our second husband. In this verse there is a distinction made between the body of Christ that died and the Christ that was resurrected. They are clearly two different entities in some way with very different characteristics, even opposite ones somehow. This needs more unpacking.

• while we were in the flesh, the sinful passions, ...were aroused by the Law – v.5 In our first marriage (and it is becoming clear by implication that we are represented as the woman) we are “in the flesh”. This alerts me as a link back to the transition verse between these two chapters of 6 and 7 where Paul shifts from addressing one group to the other. In 6:23 he introduces the key term “in Christ Jesus”. This is in very clear juxtaposition to being “in the flesh” and is a key ingredient to understanding which marriage we are in during a careful examination of our life. If we find ourself to be “in the flesh”, then we must be married to the wrong Christ; if we are “in Christ Jesus”, then we are joyfully married to a second husband in freedom from condemnation from the Law – not because the Law is gone but because the wrong relationship is gone.

• we have been released from the Law, having died to that by which we were bound – v.6 Here is another very key clue in unpacking the ID of the husband and what the first, very unhealthy relationship looks like. In this phrase the husband is referred to as “that by which we were bound”. In an unhealthy marriage in which one is very miserable (which seems to be the case here by implication) there are some consistent, typical elements and attitudes usually present. What comes to my mind are things like fear, force and shame. All the demands of the husband feel very unreasonable to the wife and the husband usually seems devoid of compassion, mercy, kindness or forgiveness, at least from her perspective. The wife usually feels controlled, manipulated, used and even abused and as a consequence is desperate to escape the constant controlling atmosphere that is suffocating her heart. Even if everything the husband wants is perfectly legitimate and technically correct, because of the lack of love and compassion and romance in the relationship her heart will yearn for the spark and fire of real intimacy that she sees in other marriages that are alive and on fire with glowing passion between the two lovers. From this perspective, the phrase here “by which we were bound” would indicate bonds consisting primarily of fear, not love-bonds.

• we serve ...in oldness of the letter – v.6 Here is another important clue defining the first marriage relationship. When we observe in our life a spirit of heavy obligation for keeping the letter of the Law without the spark of passion and romance in a loving relationship, we can be sure that we are in the lifeless, sparkless marriage that will cause our real heart to yearn to become free from. Our hearts were never designed to thrive in the harsh, sterile environment of rule-keeping and letter-nitpicking. Our hearts (which I believe largely is found in the right hemisphere of our brain) are designed for passion, for intense feelings, for joy and peace and intimacy. When we live in relationship to Jesus devoid of these things we are living in a marriage to the wrong Jesus according to what I am reading in this chapter. Does that sound absurd? Yes it does, but it seems that according to Paul it is the real truth.

• we serve in newness of the Spirit – v.6 This is another important clue in its contrast to its opposite condition just looked at – serving the letter of the Law. I believe that while we often think we understand the difference between these two that in fact we cannot really know about this newness until we have tasted with our heart the attractiveness of the living Jesus. We may present theories and explanations and thesis endlessly on this topic, but until our heart becomes the dominate player in our relationship to God we are just spouting off a lot of hot air while still living clueless as to the heart experiences that God wants to have with us. I have to admit that I am largely still in this condition myself and feel that I am just beginning to catch glimpses of the possibilities I could be enjoying living in an intimate, unpredictable, exciting life gazing into the sparkling eyes of the ultimate Lover who is crazy about me. But I must also admit that the attraction is growing more intense the more I observe and learn and experience this love that is far beyond my present comprehension. From this perspective I can now see much better why Paul could not contain himself any longer by the time he reaches the last part of chapter 8 and has to break out into expostulations and exclamations about the love that is beyond all description. That is the very love we are created to thrive in and that we cannot live long without. Just writing these words causes my heart to warm and tingle with the potential excitement that this love intends for me to experience personally on a much deeper level.

• now we have been released from the Law – v.6 Many times when I have read this before it appeared that the Law was the first husband. But in the context of the previous verses it is becoming clearer that the release described here is not from the truths or principles contained in the Law but the resulting condemnation experienced in our heart from living in a heart-suppressing relationship with a perfect husband, yet without any love. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but that's what a legalistic relationship creates – illogical but very intense internal conflict between the head and the heart. If we have any doubt about this just ask any woman, feeling stuck in a lifeless marriage, what her heart is feeling, especially when she observes others up close who are enjoying a vibrant, exciting dynamic love life full of joy and intimacy. If she is a woman of integrity she will feel a heavy obligation to not abandon her marriage based on the letter of the law, but to remain a dutiful wife while her heart is dying more and more every day from lack of emotional nourishment and shared passion. The inner tension becomes overwhelmingly oppressive over the years and the conflicting emotions and thoughts become a destructive source of torment that slowly suffocates her soul. What her heart really yearns for is not so much for the Laws about marriage to change, though that certainly would be a constant temptation to entertain in her mind, but what she longs for most is for a husband who is life-giving, heart-sensitive and unconditionally loving no matter what she looks like or how she feels. Were she to legally be able to enter into that kind of relationship due to the death of her first husband, she would experience a tremendous sense of release from the heavy sense of “Law” that is talked about here, not because the Law no longer applies to her, but precisely because it does apply and she can stay in her integrity and in harmony with the Law while at the same time enjoying a new relationship in a thriving, life-giving marriage that does not produce condemnation from the Law. She could describe to you very accurately what it feels like to be released from the Law. I believe that to understand this phrase accurately requires that one view it through the perception of the right brain more than the left brain. This “release” talked about here is not a release of the technical requirements of the Law but a release from the suffocating condemnation experienced by not having one's heart engaged while trying to satisfy the demands of the Law.

From this point in the chapter it appears that Paul moves on from the analogy of marriage to more detailed explanations of our confusing condition in relationship to the Law and its reactionary effects in our lives when it exposes our inward sinful nature. But to better understand the following verses I believe it is imperative that I first understand the context that comes before it. Romans 7 has been one of the most confusing passages in Scripture for me for most of my life and I have decided that this time I am not leaving it until it becomes very clear to both my mind and my heart. This process of unpacking Romans over the past few months is having its effects on my inner life and hopefully on my external one as well. Thank-you for sharing this journey with me.

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