Our Anniversary

Today is the anniversary of our marriage after 31 years of life together. We have certainly been through many kinds of experiences together, had our share of difficulties in trying to learn how to get along and had many stresses that have tested our commitment to each other. But I can honestly say that we are glad to be together and continue to work on understanding each other more deeply.

Attempting to express things in this area of life is possibly one of the most hazardous undertakings I might venture, so I will keep my words as few as possible. My ability to give voice to our relationship is always subject to intense analysis by those who know me and then I tend to get defensive. But I can say that our commitment to each other is permanent and has been since the day we promised to love and cherish each other through good and bad times.

I remember taking my wife out to eat at a fancy restaurant in Houston, TX on our fifth anniversary and being surprised at the amazement of the people working there that we had been married for so long. Today it seems that being married at all can produce something along the lines of amazement since it seems that marriage itself is becoming obsolete in many circles. But I grew up in a home where divorce was not only out of the question as an option for a marriage but it was strongly taught that it should not even be entertained in the mind or ever become part of a discussion. I believe that growing up in that kind of background has given me the edge at times to push my way through some of the most difficult parts of our marriage and to only look at options that would bring healing and reconciliation when others would have been ready to bail out.

We have both done a lot of growing up in the last 31 years but still have a great way to go. We are not satisfied with the level of emotional intimacy and transparency with each other that we would like to enjoy, but we have come to respect much more each others freedom to grow at their own pace. I know that we spent too many years thinking that we could somehow change the other person so that they would be more like us. But this only created frustration and far too much conflict and tension in our home. When we finally came to the place where we were willing to just accept the other one as they were without preconditions, we began to have the freedom to relax and actually were more empowered to make the changes that needed to happen.

Our life has changed a great deal over the past 31 years together. We have had an empty nest for some time now and have ended up living in my parent's home near where I grew up, which is something I never wanted to do. But God has His plans for us and we are looking to see how to cooperate with those plans. For I know that it is only as we synchronize with God's plans that we will really experience the deep satisfaction that our hearts crave.

This weekend we are enjoying the visit of our daughter who was our firstborn. We learned a great deal about life in raising two children and wish so much that we could have known then even half of what we have learned in the past few years long after they were gone. But that is impossible and we have to trust our God to direct the lives of those we no longer have much influence over. We are learning the same lesson that we had to learn with each other, to leave them in God's hands, love them as they are and enjoy their company when we can.

We love our children and we love each other. We may not have the sparkle and energy that many couples have in their marriages but we have a deep commitment to each other and are learning to listen to God more each day. So for the love that became officially permanent 31 years ago today, I will say that I am yours and you are mine. I love you honey.